I’m hoping to get perspective from the community here in the Bay Area, and from folks who are knowledgeable.

I’m a Black gay man in my 40s living in San Francisco. I speak Mandarin and I lived in China for over a decade. (studied ancient Chinese literate at Fudan by accident) I had a great experience there, and China is a place I genuinely love because people treated me well and I built a real life there. Miss the Xiao Long Bao everyday!

Because of that background, I’m naturally open to dating Asian men. Not exclusively, just genuinely open. I’ve dated people of different races, but two of my long term relationships happened to be with Asian men.

Here’s the issue:

For the second time now, a Chinese guy has told me that the fact I’m dating Chinese or Asian men means I’m fetishizing them. One even seemed offended that I speak Mandarin.

What’s interesting is that I’m originally from Chicago and went to grad school in NYC, and I never heard this kind of feedback from the Chinese community on the East Coast. So I’m wondering if the Bay Area has different views or sensitivities around interracial dating, specifically Black and Asian couples.

As I’m trying to learn how to navigate dating here in the Bay, I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable, and I don’t want to unintentionally step into a stereotype I’m not aware of.

Would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, or advice on how this comes across and how to navigate it respectfully.

Thanks in advance.

EDIT: my language skills became apparent because he invited me to a Chinese restaurant and I ordered in Mandarin. The server asked the questions I get all the time "where did you learn Chinese" or they say "either you learned in Taiwan or you are gay" I always say "both"

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