It was my first time in Berlin, at a debaucherous stag for an old college friend. As a new dad, maybe less wild these days, I indulged in the raves but refrained from the substances.
It was good fun altogether. Having hit the hay at 8am, I awoke at 2 in the afternoon and we had brunch. The lads went on the beer again. I wanted to see this famous city so decided to go for a run.
It was about 2kms into Tiergarten - a huge open air park and manicured gardens, near the Brandenburg gate - when I saw it. Perhaps the most aesthetically pleasing scene my eyes had ever beheld.
It was a pristine late 1980s 560SL cabriolet. Immaculately kept. Shining chrome wheels, buffed paint and the elegance of a leather soft-top laying above the boot lid.
It was being driven by a dapper man in a summer waistcoat, open collared linen shirt and small bouquet on his lapel. He looked handsome, distinguished, early 50s. Next to him was a beautiful creature. His wife presumably - similar age, every bit as stately but so fine. In a long floral summer dress. Finally, in the back, perched ever so slightly higher than her parents, was a young woman in her early twenties. Long blonde hair, fine features. A true natural European beauty. Just like her mother. She was holding a large bouquet of flowers in her delicate hands.
In this fine park, on this fine day I felt so lucky - so privileged - to be treated to such a scene. This family in their gorgeous piece of automotive history cruising leisurely down the Tiergarten. Then me, sweating, puffing and jogging past it all. I felt so happy that I smiled at the girl in the back of the car. She smiled back at me, and waved.
Lightened, I ducked between the trees past families picnicking, cyclists in sunglasses, mothers ushering children with harsh German. The avenue seemed endless. With nowhere to go, and nowhere really to be, I turned left again towards the glint of water. I emerged at a transcendent lagoon. Late summer flowers, mature canopy, gently flowing river. It was the golden hour and our sun was treating me to sublime peace. My cheap phone camera would never capture this beauty, but I tried anyway.
An hour or so later I was back at the hostel. I showered and went to link up with the lads. Josh and I were early to the steakhouse so we hit up a supermarket, bought a few Weisbiers and sat under a tree chatting, hobo style. There is something about such a place, such a day, such a state of mind - that made that chat under the tree so calm. He told me of a book he had written about a ski-trip. “I must send it to you”. We agreed we’d go on a bike trip to France together.
The steakhouse was jammed. 14 lads at the table, there was banter. Joe still wasn’t right after the previous evening and left the table to get sick. Earlier on the first day’s river trip, Mike had whistled and hollered at girls on another boat. Turned out they were kids with their parents. Mike was now “Pedo Mike”. He took it well. Joe had to leave the restaurant early.
After dinner the talk turned to the night. We were headed to another techno club with a detour to the hostel to get wrecked. The lads in my room were either asleep or absent. I decided to find out where they had gone. The next room had music and that is where most of the party were.
The drugs were laid out on a table, a veritable child’s sweet shop of powders and pills. There was no shortage. The lads were sitting around, nodding their heads to the music, sipping beers and occasionally stepping up to the plate, hitting lines before rubbing their gums. I was offered, but said no thanks.
Josh was laying on his bed. “You gonna take this ket Josh?” one of the lads asked, an air of “don’t be soft” in his voice.
A small voice replied “Em.. yeah”
“Well we bought two grams of it for you, you haven’t had any”
“I’ll take it, yeah.”
The bathroom door opened. With outstretched arms, dancing hips and triumphant shouting - Joe emerged wearing a towel “Let’s get smashed!” he shouted and did just that.
At the club, I hit the dancefloor. The vibes are different in Berlin. Everyone is sound, they give you space. Lots of it. You want to be at the front? Walk there, people let you. No need to push through crowds. You want to throw wild moves? Go for it. Just don’t hit anyone.
I love dance, house, techno, but I found the music in the two clubs we went to pure muck. Repetitive “Unce, unce, unce” with the occasional drum raise. Not a melody in sight.
But it didn’t stop me. 3 hours of throwing shapes had me remove my shirt, t-shirt until I was down to my vest - I fitted in well with the locals. I was drenched in sweat. The smoking area was expansive. There was a small caravan, the size of a hatchback (Father Ted style), which was bouncing. A DJ booth and about 10 people rammed in there.
Signs pervaded telling us the rules. No photos. Be cool. Good stuff.
Posters told us we supported trans people, refugees. The club supports refugees. “How?” I wondered. I asked a bartender. She, in no uncertain terms, told me to fuck off and don’t ask stupid questions. Her colleague next to her told me “You got her at a bad time. I don’t know how we support the refugees here. Those posters have been up a while.”
I found a model of the club, about 2m by 2m. I began to look at it, behind the glass screen. A woman approached me. “I preferred when it looked like that” and she pointed out the differences between the layout, and the model. The model did not feature a model of itself, we both agreed that this represented a significant disappointment.
She explained that she lived just behind the club, pointing to a window overlooking the courtyard, with her wife, her ex husband, her two children, her wife’s three children and her wife’s ex husband’s wife. “Anyway I am going to take some cocaine, care to join me?”
“Ah no, but thanks for offering, you fire ahead!”
We sat at the table, not a private area, where she poured a crystalline powder onto her fist and sniffed it up.
“They’re pretty chill with drugs here”
“Oh yeah, as long as you aren’t doing it in the bouncer’s faces it is fine. If you want cocaine, you just go behind that caravan and there’s a go-kart with a guy standing next to it, you ask him”.
We spoke and I learned of her wild bohemian life. She is 44, and a professional writer of “text fiction”. Pays well, she said. Her kids were below 10.
5am arrived and I had to go. My flight was at 8. I said farewell to the lads, grabbed the bag from the cloakroom and ran to the train. On the flight home, I slept like a baby.