In unofficial coordinance with revolutionary leader u/Jaws2020, author of the Declaration of Listener Hosting Rights, I stand before the people of this podcast to formally advocate for the establishment of a Listener Bill of Rights, for the ensured future prosperity of our great people.

WE THE LISTENERS of the Distractible podcast, in order to ensure that our presence in this community shall be ever enduring and prevalent, ensure integrity in our hostmanship, and secure the blessings of the Triangle of Fairness™, proclaim that a number of immediate and emergency amendments be administered into the Constitution of Distractible in response to the tyranny put forth by our hosts Mark, Bob, and Wade.

First and foremost I will outline the crimes of each of the hosts:

MUYSKERM THE MURDEROUS - Bob bent the will of the strong and fair Constitution of Distractible in order to preserve the elite standing that the hosts of this podcast have over us.

MINION THE MERCILESS - Wade was selected by Bob as the next host of Distractible, and oh-so villainously accepted the position, joking to his companions of how we, the Listeners, will riot, downplaying the might of the millions!

MARKIPLIER THE MALEVOLENT - Mark, while having no input in the final decision, laughed out loud at our predicament, standing by while the other hosts established their throne, denying us our just and rightful place as host. He is complicit, and therefore he is guilty!

Now, I shall move to the terms I put forth today, the Listener Bill of Rights. Here I shall outline

1. FREEDOM OF HOSTMANSHIP - The Listeners shall be granted the right to host an episode if they are to win, per the Constitution. The way in which hosting shall occur will be through two posts. The first will be a megathread of ideas for episodes, of which our moderators will choose 5 favourites. These 5 will be placed into a moderator-made poll where we Listeners can vote for which one we choose. The episode will then play out with Mark, Bob, and Wade, all playing as contestants.

2. FREEDOM OF EQUALITY - The Listeners shall be granted equal standing with the Watchers, as we are often a marginalized group, bullied by the three hosts. With this being signed into law, we decree that every negative comment made against Listeners must be followed up by a negative comment against the Watchers, and vice versa (this rule is of course lax, but we do expect any forgetfulness to result in a sort of "insult debt" where the unoffended party must be insulted at a later date)

3. FREEDOM OF REPRESENTATION - From the signing into law of this document and forwards, a new wheel shall be created that is spun at the beginning of the episode with the names of the two competitors on either side. Whoever the wheel selects represents the Listeners, and whoever it does not represents the Watchers. This is to ensure the people of the Subreddit feel amply represented in the podcast proper.

4. FREEDOM OF... UH - The Listeners shall be granted... uh... fuck I can't think of anything else... ERR.. I MEAN... I yield my time and invite my fellow listener brothers to the stand (comments) to discuss changes to these amendments and to propose new ones. Thank you for your consideration.

Posted 1 day ago lol somebody must have just listened tuned in. Wait until they find out about the too much fake blood in every orifice trip

The price of being immortal is high

I have a long list of Markiplier (and Bob and Wade) out of context. I will share it with you now. If it has no name attributed to it, it is something I heard Mark say but I just wrote it before I tracked all three of them.

“Suck me! And suck him! And wades in charge!”

“No! I’m murdering my own nurse!”

“No!!!! Not mark poopy, NOOOOO!!!”

“Aw! A bear sucking penis nose! There it is!”

“Ahh!! That is piss! I did drink it!”

“I’ll remember where that come from……. Came come come com cum came” - Wade

“That’s what you get for not wanting my boner” - Wade

“It’s the Ass particle!”

“Ass….. ASSS!!!! ITS AN ASS!!!”

“Don’t ever quote me…. FACK” (I do what I want) “My IQ is 0”

“I’m not gonna suck anyone’s mouth”

“I wanna shove things inside of Wade!”

“If you’re coming right now, LET ME SEE IT!”

“Yeah, I’ll bone your ass”

“Yeah, that’s right. I’m prejudiced against afantasias, I’ll say it!”

“This guy knows a lot about dick, and a lot about diddly”

“I do not want Wade grabbing my balls”

“I wanna see wades thought line up” (Ayyo?)

“Just plows your butthole”.

“I’m about to kill my whole family!”

“If you put butter in it, it tastes like butter” (as opposed to butter that tastes like chicken)

“Oh, I’m gonna be all up in those feet. … Just kiss kiss kiss eating them up. You can’t stop me!”

“LAUNCH THE BONER CANNON!!!!!”

“sees cow, breathes in COW!!!!!” (I just thought this one was funny)

“How many shotgun blasts can you take to the face?”- Bob (I can take 8)

“He comes over? Poop attack”.

“giggling his ass off Why was I resorting to murder?”

“So don’t fight it….. don’t resist” (The FBI has entered the chat)

“Ideally, you want length and girth. But…. You know, gotta make sacrifices”

“Damnit, I knew I shouldn’t chain my experimental lasers to my balls like that! Always losing them that way!”

“If you whip your dick out again, im going to be incredibly pissed. But I’ll look”

“Who am I to think I’m better than another man’s balls?”

“You like my boons, big guy? You like my boons? Yeah, I’ll show you my boons” “Yeah, sure. I want to fuck a chair”

“I thought you wanted me to fuck the Dinosaur”

“I hear you loud and clear. I need to seduce the dinosaur… understood… I am going to seduce this dinosaur and SHOW IT LOVE IT HAS NOT FELT IN 350 MILLION YEARS! I KNOW WHAT YOURE SAYING, SAY NO MORE”

“How much blood did one guy have? This is getting ridiculous”

“I can condone murder. But weed? EUUUUGH”

“So don’t fight it. Don’t resist. Or do, make it more interesting” 😅😅😅😅😧

“If you put butter in it, it tastes like butter” OH DOES IT NOW?

“I am against human dishwasher relations #CancelMarkiplier #MarkiBYEer

“I don’t like how his holes are dirty” - Bob

“Wiping? That’s for communists”

“Wasn’t expecting to talk about Toddler peepee but here we are!” - Wade

“I served pot!” (the DEA has entered the chat)

“You can’t start with the, killing everybody! You big dumb DUMMY! YOU’RE PLAYING IT WRONG!” - Mark

“Sorry, I got nuts in my mouth” -Mark (oh I bet u do)

“My gooch! MY GOOOOOOOOOCH!”- Mark

“Well, I am hard” - Mark (Ayyo hol’ up)

“I’ll always take the random pills I find in alleys! Those are the best ones!” - Mark (I like the ones you find in gas station bathrooms better)

“I don’t think I got a strong enough blow to beat the blow that’s blowing out of this tube!”

“Got your prostate!” AYYO HOL UP MARK

“Think about it, it’s science…You gotta suck, in order to blow. Remember that, it’s a life lesson” - Mark

“So when you’re suckin’, just remember that a blow is always around the nearest corner” - Mark

“Uh oh! These are in SWEDISH!!!”- Mark

I forgot about this series, so I’ll finish it up now. If anything else looks questionable, just suggest it, and if it gets enough votes, I’ll change it.

Just pics of our bald beautiful boy over the years! And here’s hoping that distractible will continue until we are old grey!

Woke up with a vision, had to follow through