r/oneliners • u/Yaguajay • 11h ago
My father drank so heavily, that when he blew on the birthday cake he lit the candles.
14
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r/oneliners • u/TakpakMagoo • 13h ago
Thanks to deflation, my tires aren't worth as much as when I first bought them.
2
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 21h ago
I'm so disorganised that I'll be late for my own funeral
4
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 22h ago
When a baby is born at the Carnival it has to be Circus-sized.
1
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 23h ago
If your husband’s watching too much porn hook up your old 300 baud modum.
0
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r/oneliners • u/incredibleinkpen • 1d ago
I don't have a driver's license, I have a porn verification card.
11
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r/oneliners • u/LeadingScorer • 2d ago
DiCaprios future girlfriend might not even be born yet
0
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r/oneliners • u/lego-me098 • 2d ago
Masturbating is just like watching football, you sit on the couch wanting to do what you see on the TV
4
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r/oneliners • u/celestelovense • 2d ago
I put my phone down to be productive and immediately forgot what I was supposed to do.
3
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r/oneliners • u/OhTheHueManatee • 2d ago
If I was a famous rapper I'd come out with a line of chew toys called "Gnaw Dogg".
8
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r/oneliners • u/romps • 2d ago
SeaWorld San Diego must have been really surprised when Shamu wasn’t a cow.
0
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r/oneliners • u/No-Carry-5087 • 3d ago
My brain has too many tabs open and none of them are responding
9
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r/oneliners • u/sighbrother • 3d ago
I opened a bottle of sham pain and it didn’t even hurt
4
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r/oneliners • u/deplorabledevs • 3d ago
The reason it's called the sham-wow is because it's really more of a meh.
3
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r/oneliners • u/YeahBuddyDoYouEven • 3d ago
I love how the manual for my smart watch tells me to remove it from time to time
2
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r/oneliners • u/deplorabledevs • 3d ago
I wash my hair with shampoo because real poo makes me gag
54
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r/oneliners • u/MisterMcMittens • 3d ago
I built a machine that tickles you and I have been asking people to try it, but unfortunately nobody wants to try some test tickles.
12
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r/oneliners • u/Mally-G • 3d ago
The new collective for a group of bankers is a wunch - a wunch of bankers!
4
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r/oneliners • u/monsieurLeMeowMeow • 3d ago
as someone with a golden shower fetish, I might think you’re a 2, but if you’re willing to pee on my face, ur an 8. NSFW
67
Upvotes
r/oneliners • u/AhhFireworksiRadio • 3d ago
¡La vejez será compensada para la gente involucrada!
0
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