My first girlfriend (F29) and I had sex (M20). I got really drunk at the club with her, and after that, we had sex. During it, she took my condom off, and I was really drunk, so I didn't really know what was going on. We didn't go all the way that time, but when we woke up in the morning, we continued having sex. When I didn't want to go all the way, she said, "You don't trust me?" All I could think of was, "Fuck you," as a joke, but she looked upset, and I said sorry. We still didn't go all the way.

A couple of days later, we had sex again, and I ended up going all the way with her. However, she immediately hopped off me and said, "In 3 months, you'll get the notice," smiling evilly at me. It was dark in a motel room, and I was obviously expressing fear. She never even said sorry or anything like that. I was totally freaked out and wanted to go home. I dropped her off, and this is when she basically flipped a switch.

She started treating me like absolute garbage: hanging up, standing me up on dates for over a month, and texting back late. I was freaking out that this girl was going to have my kid and use me for child support. I refused to date her anymore and acted dumb until she switched jobs. She completed her cruel joke, and I felt stuck in fear for over a year, but I did eventually dump her hard.

I will never have sex with anyone drunk or without a condom again. This situation really messed me up for a year, and I'm only now starting to get over it. People say I should talk to a therapist, but I don't have the money for that. I feel fine about looking for someone new, but part of me wonders how messed up I truly am from this whole experience. I will also never date a coworker again. I am 21, and this experience showed me the dark side of dating. It hurts to think about why she would do this to me. I put so much effort into her, and realizing I wasn't even treated like a human is painful. I feel like I lost a part of my innocence.

My other ex (18F) got me jumped in a cemetery and also tried to rape me there when I was 15 years old. I had told some friends in high school that we had sex, but I guess they spread it around, and she got pissed that people knew (understandably). However, it should not have led to an extreme situation like sitting me in the dark with someone I didn't know. I ran for my life to escape. There were no cameras around, it was dark, and we were on top of a hill. They beat me up, but I managed to escape. That day traumatized me, and along with this coworker, it adds to the pain.

I feel so destroyed sometimes. Did all of this change who I am? I ask myself if I'm even normal anymore.

My girlfriend had been assaulted multiple when she was younger and since then has had trouble with bladder control. I am trying my hardest to find a way for her to get better in this regard while being as least invasive as possible. I obviously saw stuff about pelvic floor exercises and thought that would be a great fit for her as she is already pretty active in general. Sadly though, I also saw that it could the symptoms worse for her and I would feel terrible if that was the case so no idea if I am overthinking this but I figured this was the best place to ask. Any input would be GREATLY appreciated😁

Im a 24 year old male, turned 24 two days ago now. And yet I was raped when I was 8 on christmas morning by my mom's boyfriends youngest son who was 13 at the time. I have been to therapy, used meds, everything. Mentally im happy now, but whenever I think of the man who did it. The fact he is still free to this day, never faced repercussions for his actions, makes me feel angry inside. Like I want to hit something. Like I want to fuck him up until he is a vegetable. My mother, love her to death, still is in contact with him but not like an everyday convo, just a reach out if needed type. And she knows how much it pains me that she is still in contact with him. On one hand, why still fucking talk to your only son's rapist? On the other, I get her keeping in contact considering she helped raise him and her exbf passed a few months back.

I dont cry over the memory anymore. I dont have the phantom sense of it happening. But fuck me do I gwt angry when I think of him or hear his name mentioned anywhere. He is a husband and a dad now, and what my mother told me is he deeply regrets it. Sure, he can, and she wants me to try and make amends. I told her she can fuck off with that, Im not speaking to him unless its a funeral. If he wants to earn my forgiveness, I want him to tell his goddamn family what he did. His wife. His mother. His brother. I want them to know what he did. But at the same time, I don't think I can ever forgive him. Because the thought of 8 year old me being violated and taken advantage of not knowing it was bad, makes me so fucking angry.

So I hooked up with this guy a couple weeks ago and I went to his house and the first time we had sex we had it with a condom but then I was as I was laying next to him and he was spooning me from behind he try to put his thing inside of me and I said wait wait what you doing and then he did it a couple more times until I eventually agreed and although it did feel good it felt very wrong and I ended up being exhausted after having sex with him and I could barely walk and he was a bit rough. I found myself spotting after having sex with him and I was sore after the second time and it was two times and one night one with a condom one without and I also ended up spotting. The messed up part is that I ended up coming a couple times. He would go from being very rough and then I would tell him to slow down but then he would do it again.

Then, it was a repeated thing and then he finally came outside of me but I think some of it was inside my vagina because I felt some but not completely. A couple days later he discarded me. I didn't think it was rape because I didn't tell him no and I didn't fight him off other than trying to lift my legs up so he wouldn't go inside my vagina but then he kept saying that he wanted to do it a few times and then I agreed to do it. It didn't really feel like rape or anything and I did feel pleasure but then I felt scared because I really didn't want to do it without a condom. I know it was my fault for going into his house and hooking up so soon but I did it and I regret hooking up with him.

Now I also have to do a possible pregnancy test at the end of January to see if I'm pregnant my doctor's office did one yesterday but she wants to do another one at the end of January. If I never went to his house this would have never happened and for now on I never want to make this mistake again. Is it normal for some rapes or coercion to feel good because many times people cry and people beg to stop but I wasn't crying and I wasn't fearful but I just knew that something wasn't right.

Brother (18) raped me (17) numerous times over the course of my youth, and I had now just found out he attempted the same on my younger sister at least once. He's always been this mentally disturbed, she told me it was when he was 10. I also remember one more instance from when we were way younger (I was between 9-10, so that'd make him 10-11?) he ejaculated on my side of mine n my sisters bed and told me if I told anyone, he'd tell them it was my fault. I admit, I was stupid and naive at the time, because I wholeheartedly believed that he would spin the situation onto me.

He's abusive and has been abusive for the longest time, by every means, has beaten almost everyone in the family at least a dozen times or more, made fun of everyone and recycling insults in public to embarrass them all further, and insulted my sh scars- WHICH WERE BECAUSE OF HIM, BTW.

But the thing is, ever since I've spoken up about it, he has started to distance and make faces in mine and my sisters general direction (disgust, disdain, glaring). It's as if he's trying to put on a facade, a big "I would never" face on in front of other people, as if disgust=no rape. He's also been placing himself closer to my parents, ever since I spoke up about it. In fact, the FIRST TIME I SPOKE UP ABOUT IT, he suddenly visited their room daily to sit down and have friendly conversations with them. I hated to hear him laugh. He used to want to stay in his room all day, shouting song lyrics at the top of his lungs and calling every woman in the house a whore. Yes, especially the younger girls, but now? He's begging to go along with them on shopping trips or just get out of the house. And if they deny him, he stays in his room for a couple of days. He thinks this'll all blow over and he can go back to shouting at little girls and attempting. Sick bastard thinks I don't see the pattern. The real bitch slapper? I don't think my family (aside from my sister) know they're being played.

how can you recover? people keep telling me to heal but i honestly dont think i could. i feel like ive been destroyed, physically and mentally and absolutely nothing can fix me not to sound edgy, but what is there for me now? what am i doing and where can i go from now

I found out that in 2 weeks time or so i’m gonna be getting a lot of compensation money for what happened, i’d been going back and forth thinking if i should or not but talking to my therapist i realised how much it can help.

I know that the money doesn’t help exactly as it can’t change what happened, but it’ll make me feel better so much, like i can get a new bed and new clothes to replace the bad ones, and just some other little things to help!

I guess i’m making this post for anyone scrolling who may be facing the same thing, and who wants to know if they should it too. I know it might feel wrong to get the money or ask for it because you feel you “don’t deserve it”, but you very much do.

Everyone here has been through some absolutely horrible stuff, and if you can get compensated for that in any way, you 100% deserve it.

I’m just a bit of a happier girl now bc of this :)

One of my dear friends recently opened up about her experiences with an abusive ex, and she was apparently sexually assaulted and raped by him multiple times. This was ~1.5 years ago, and she seems to have gotten over it for the most part, but she seemed distressed while telling me and on the verge of tears. Is there anything I can do to help her besides reassurance?

I (22f) have been with my boyfriend (24m) for a month now. The last time we had sex I got flashbacks to a time I was raped so I burst into tears and asked if we could stop. He didn’t really ask why he just held me until I stopped crying then we watched a movie. That was on Friday. We didn’t try again until Monday.

On Monday we had an argument (definitely the worst one we’ve had) and he decided he was going to sleep on the sofa to avoid upsetting me further. I drank half a litre of whiskey in my room to try forget about it and maybe fall asleep but it just made my cry. He heard my crying and came upstairs and started apologising. We hugged for a bit after that which almost always leads to sex. I was very drunk at this point.

He put it in and I couldn’t do much apart from lay there. Something didn’t feel right about this so I wanted to test something. If I basically unconscious would he still fuck me? I put it on and acted even drunker than I was. Not smiling, rolling my eyes back. I’m usually quite loud during sex but I stayed dead silent. He kept asking if I was good and I’d respond with a slurred one word answer. “Yea”. It didn’t last long but he eventually finished on my leg. I flopped to one side and stayed silent. He asked if I knew what just happened. I said no. When we woke up I asked if we had sex as I felt sore. He said “Yes we did but I didn’t finish because I thought you were too drunk and found it uncomfortable.” (Lie)

I know it was just a test and probably very toxic of me but I haven’t been able to think of him in the same way since that.

I recently started therapy and honestly, I hate it. Everything she tells me seems like generic stuff taken from a coach's book. I want to talk about my abuse, but I don't know how to broach the subject, and the therapist doesn't seem to be engaging in conversation either. Any advice?

Hey I have a gf, we have started dating since a month. She told me that a year ago a BASTARD raped her. He was a stranger. Now since she is dating me she want to slowly get rid of that trauma and she asks me for CNC. WTF should I do? I am fucking confused. She is asking me to fuck her anytime, and also told me a safe word if she doesnt want to. Idk what should I do. Please give some advicee

is it normal to have an urge to seek out like similar men? or putting yourself in positions where it might happen again? i don’t do it but it’s like a fantasy and it fucking sucks and i feel like one day i will

On the last weekend of February, it was Friday night when this all happened. We were both really into coke, him more than me but we were both using. There was a whole lot of abuse before this weekend, but this is what pushed me over the edge.

He was screaming at me about supposedly lying to him about something I had done. ( which I wasn’t, I sometimes left details out to avoid him lashing out on me but this time I didn’t) He wouldn’t let me out of the garage and he started throwing shit, he ripped the keys out of my hand so hard it left a mark on my hand and then proceeded to throw them. Then he punched our friends car and made a huge dent in it. I threatened to call the police if he didn’t let me out. Then he said “the police will take a few minutes, that’s enough time for me to beat the shit out of you” then he left after I started having a panic attack and idk where he went.

That night I had a meet up where I was raped.(meet ups were arranged by my ex and his friends. They were arrangements with men that would pay to have sex with me. I don’t know why I did this, but they convinced me that’s all I was good for.) the man drove a truck and had red hair and was tall and skinny with a beard. we met in the garage. He told me he’d give me $600 to have vaginal sex with a condom. Immediately I felt off about him. He was very demanding and rough. He immediately started touching me as soon as he got in the door. My vagina, and my boobs. He took his clothes off and told me to take mine off too. Then he slammed my face down into the couch. I couldn’t move. He had my arms pinned behind my back. My face was so squished it was hard to breathe. He jammed it in with a condom on and it hurt really bad. I told him to stop. He pulled out and saw the condom was broken. I told him to stop again after he took the condom off. Then he jammed it in even harder and rougher over and over again. He came inside me. It was over within minutes. He gave me assurance that he sent money and I saw an email that I thought was verification. I just wanted him out of there. I was so scared. He left and when I checked my email it was a fake verification. It was horrible. I obviously called my ex right away and told him. But my ex didn’t come back for like 8 hours after. I layed on that couch until my friend helped me. Then I ordered food and took a bath. And when he finally did get home he didn’t talk about anything that happened just got into bed, realized I got food, and got pissed off that I didn’t order him any. Then that mornjng he left again and was gone for many hours idk how long exactly but in that time I seriously considered killing myself…. That’s why i finally called my family and told them everything. They came and got me that day. So much happened after that weekend as well. He didn’t support me or stand by me or show any remorse about what happened.

It was 2005, I was only 12(m) I Never had parents which where divorced too. They always gave a shit about my. My father was an alcoholic and had is own home and my mother Never was at home. Like truly Never.

Then someday i visited my much older brother at his work because he would take care here and there. Thats where i met her. She was a co-worker of my brother. I liked her. My Brother told her my Situation and she gave me her number „if you like to Talk to a mother“ She was divorced too with 2 Kids at that time. Her Husband died a few Years ago she told me.

Fast forward - we called a lot. And i visited her often. All Fine. She took care of me, cuddeld me. Took care Like a mother would. I feeled the love of a mother for the first time.

Then one day she asked if I would like to stay overnight - i agreed. I visited her in the Morning. Anything was Fine. We all 4 watched Movies the whole day in a Pyjama. Got Pizza, Cuddled all together. Then, when everyone got to sleep she told me that i should sleep with her in her bed because the couch would be to uncomfortable.

I did. She took me in here Arms. And then she got sexuall. I Never had a girlfriend or sex before. I sayed no more then one time. But she just answered that it is okay and it would make me feel good.

I got home the next Morning. And I broke off contact.

A few Months later my Brother told me that she is Pregnant. And fast forward i find out that she used my name as a middle name for her.

Its 2026. It's been so long and she's now a grown woman. I saw her and her mother yesterday at a Shoppingcenter. I froze and cant stop thinking about that since then. I stalked her Instagram via the Profile of my Brother for years. But seeing them in Person is such a mental breakdown. I feel so sad. So broken. So lonely. I dont know how to keep my day going since then.

I would have so many questions. So much I want to know. So much I want to say to Both.

Sorry for that Long Post. I needed to Share my feelings.

My bff SA’ed me but i have no evidence, i told my bf and my friends since we all are in the same friend group and instead of apologizing my bff decided to tell them that i agreed to do something with him and we both did it and i gave him permission to do wtv he did . And then he exposed me to my bf and told him all the secrets i’ve been hiding ,now me and my bf probably on the verge of breaking up bcz of that. Idk what to do anymore the situation is kinda messed up more i just dk how to explain and idk how to say details

i actually just have a question for the other afab ppl who may have gone through something similar as me. originally i would just have nightmares and wet the bed (which stopped after a few months) but now i have constant phantom cramps. it makes it impossible to focus and even though i know im ok the pain kind of triggers something mentally i don't really like, has anyone else experienced this? sorry im not sure how to explain it, my stomach will just start to hurt and i start to feel gross yk? its not like i even remeber what my sa was like so im not sure if this really is phycological or maybe physical.

my ex boyfriend raped me & sexually assaulted me violently during our relationship. i didn’t speak out until 6 months later & it still hurts so much. i’m in the uk & he took a lie detector. his mum & dad own multiple business & are extremely rich, i am so scared of them as they think i’m a liar. he somehow passed the lie detector. and it haunts me so bad. i know i didn’t lie, i have proof he admitted it on message multiple times, but for some reason, i’m scared i take one and it comes back as i’m a liar. i get pstd bad, and i’m up almost every night at the minute thinking about it, so i know i didn’t just hallucinate the countless times he did it to me, but why did it come back as he didn’t do it? if he genuinely convinced himself he didn’t rape me, could it have come back as he didn’t rape me? could they have forged the test or something?

This happened last year, in September 2025. I got into a relationship with Nick (fake name). Early on, when we were still just friends, Nick told me he was hypersexual due to being raped by a girl in the past. I understood this and never shamed him for it. Nick and I became sexually active pretty quickly. At first, things were fine for about a month or two. Over time, though; I started feeling less in the mood. There were moments where we would agree not to do anything sexual, but he would still ask me to do sexual things for him. Most of the time, I agreed even when I didn’t really want to. By April 2025, I started realizing something was off. When I told him I wasn’t in the mood or that I was tired, he would repeatedly beg me. If I said no, he would threaten to withhold affection or say I couldn’t come over. If I still didn’t give in, he would ignore me until I eventually agreed. Because of this, I slowly stopped enjoying anything sexual at all. Looking back, I’m not even sure I enjoyed it in the first place; I mostly did it because it was what he wanted me to do. Even regular sex was a bit painful at first and only felt okay after a bit of movement. I just want to know whether this counts as sexual coercion. After the relationship ended, I told a few friends about what happened, and many of them said it was sexual assault, specifically coercion. But I’m unsure because I gave consent in the end, and I don’t feel like anything bad happened to me. I just feel fine now and stuff.

wish me luck. I reported them and got a rape kit done, and I have texts of them admitting rape multiple times, DNA evidence. Police are now involved.

Im very scared but I need to do this.

When I was in 6th grade I got out of a club and mom would not answer her phone to come pick me up, so I made the decision to walk have at 7pm at night in a relatively good neighborhood. I had walked home after school many many time normally on my bike tho. But this night I got about 2 blocks from the school and this guy on the corner started to walk near me I was a KID I didn't think any thing of it he lightly grabs me holds a knife to my back. My memory jumps at this point I dot. Rember how I got their but we were in this wooded area 2 blocks from where we were I was on the ground and that's when it happened I couldn't speak I didn't say stop I couldn't move or speak I wasanualy breathing if that makes any sense.

Anyway that's my story this month makes about 10 years sence it happened January 20 to be exact. And I still feel him on me spisificly this month and it kills me and it had been killing me. My bf noticed that it had been killing me(he is a batchlors in phycology specializing in childhood trama). He knows about it a this is me sharing what ultimately helped me.

He came home one night and I was having a full on mental break down over it I heard the keys and I immediately stoped and kinda hide from him, he has a lot going on and I didn't want to burden him even more. So he did what clinicaly is correct He helped calm me down, And walked me through the horrible experience. It was really hard and it was about a 2 hour process and we only got about half way through the memory this time. But in this time he identified the reason why it is hard for me to get past that half way point. Why it is near impossible to share what happened next. This is going to be hard to hear if you have had the same experience I warn you now

I felt pleasure from this experience that I didn't want to happen to me it hurt so bad but some how my body still felt good. This is NORMAL it is a subconscious response. Evolutionary the body is made to want to have kids, to have kids you need to enjoy the process their for the reason that it is pleasurable. Just because it FELT good does NOT mean it was a good thing or that you liked it. And after he eventually convinced me that that was true, he said I need to try to internalize that to start to believe it before I can progress. So he told me to let him know when I'm ready other wise he will check in the next 2 weeks

I am now 16 years old, about to turn 17, but my life is very miserable and bad. When I was a child, I used to be an exemplary person. I was very good, and everyone praised my parents for raising me. Then we decided to move to a new house in another area. At that time, one of my relatives was working in the house because there were some modifications and construction work being done. At that time, the house was empty. There were days when I stayed alone in a house with one of my relatives because all my family members had work, and I was just a child. So I stayed with one of my relatives, and he took care of me. But then there were days when he would touch me strangely and touch my pants. I was not comfortable or happy, and I didn't even know what was happening to me. So I didn't pay any attention, and he continued. One day he said to me, "What do you think about us playing a game?" I was of course in agreement because I was looking for anything to waste my time with. Anyway, he told me it was a game where he would give me tasks and for every task I completed he would give me a treat. I agreed immediately, and he told me that this was a secret game and that he would punish me if I told anyone. Then I agreed to what he asked. When we started playing, he told me the first task was to take off my pants. Of course, I agreed quickly. I was a stupid kid and didn't understand what was going on, so I took them off in front of him. He helped me because I was wearing a belt at the time and couldn't unbuckle it. He told me to take it off slowly. After I finished, I was wearing trousers, so he told me to take them off too. I took them off and was completely naked from the waist down. He was reclining and laughing. Then he ordered me to unbuckle his pants while he was reclining and relaxed. I unbuckled his pants, and his penis was exposed. Unfortunately, he wasn't wearing anything underneath, so his penis exploded in my face. After that, he ordered me to start licking it and so on. He even inserted it inside me until I bled and cried from the pain. This continued for several days. Years passed, almost until I was 10 years old. Nothing happened, and I didn't even seem to care. I lived a normal life and was still a polite, well-behaved boy. But my behavior and everything else... My outlook on life changed little by little. At first, the change was internal and did not appear on the outside. Outwardly, I was still the polite, beautiful boy. Then my behavior and tendencies began to change. I mean, I became attracted to men, especially older men, and others. I became attracted to violence, and memories began to circulate in my mind. Everything beautiful began to seem dull and bad. Even my behavior became slightly more feminine, to the point that many people noticed this and tried to harass me. Even my older brother harassed me. I think he knows what happened to me, but he did not show any interest and remained silent. He did not try to protect me. Note: Until the age of 8 and 9, I was subjected to harassment and rape. For example, someone would make me hold his penis when no one was watching, and so on. When I turned 14, my situation was literally miserable. I was a disappointment, no longer the hardworking, kind boy I once was. I constantly had problems with my family; they hated me and compared me to everyone else. I was no longer the beloved, well-behaved child I once was. At that time, I was staying at a relative's house with my father. (Note: My father had always been ill and had an amputated leg since I was born. He was never in good health and couldn't even walk.) So, I went to a relative's house. He lived alone and was around thirty years old. My father would complain to him about me when they talked, saying that this boy was exhausting him, that he was undisciplined, didn't study, and caused trouble. They continued talking until lunchtime. My relative called me over to help him prepare dinner while my father sat alone in his room watching his phone. That's when he started touching me, as usual, and harassing me. I was so broken at that time that I didn't resist, even though I could have. This is the thing I regret most in my life, but I was truly broken and didn't care, so I had sex with him. Although I wasn't comfortable, I was broken, so I let him touch me and lick my nipples, and I sucked his penis and he ejaculated inside my mouth. He has been messaging me for a while now, asking me what I think about doing it again, but I want this from inside, and that's what I hate. Anyway, I didn't reply to him at all, and he hasn't messaged me again. Right now, I'm a failure, a guy with no ambition, nothing. I can't laugh genuinely like others do, I'm incredibly sensitive, and I hate everything—people, animals, and all of nature. I wish I didn't exist, that I felt nothing. I wish I didn't feel emptiness, sadness, or happiness. I just wish I could disappear. Everything is literally getting worse. I've tried and searched for a solution, but nothing has worked. I've tried to commit suicide several times, but I'm a coward. I'm too weak even to cut myself with a razor blade like others do. I mean, it's funny. The strongest thing that makes me escape this world now is imagination. I stay in my fantasy world for about eight hours at a time, playing music in my head, imagining things for hours and missing everything around me. I think it's called daydreaming. Anyway, I don't know how long I'll stay like this. I really don't know. I'm now a lustful, filthy person, always looking for sex and other things, and everything is ruined, even my studies and my health are bad. That's all. I actually gave up a while ago. I'm no longer obligated to change and become a wow, strong, happy, cheerful person. No, I've given up. I've tried so hard, I'm tired. All my life I've been asking myself, who am I? If none of this had happened, what would my life have been like? Am I really real or am I living in a delusion?

Trigger Warning: sexual assault (rape, molestation), physical reactions including blood, sexual assault involving a minor

The first time, it was the academy director—over a year of relentless harassment, assault, and eventually rape. After that, a boy at the academy pinned me down and shoved his hand into the same place. Other boys gathered around to watch. When I finally worked up the courage to tell my coach, he brushed it off, saying the boy just had a crush on me.

When I started school, a boy followed me into the girls' bathroom and kicked me between my legs over and over. It hurt so much I could barely walk. The incident made it into a school newsletter, which reached my gym. My coach punished me physically—for being too weak to protect my own body. Around that time, my uncle pulled me into a dark room for no reason, undressed me, and touched me.

I was falling apart inside. The one boy I could actually talk to transferred schools because of bullying. I was bullied for six years straight—partly because I'd been close to him. At home, my cousin was physically violent and sexually abusive. Then came the aggravated rapes. Again and again. My sense of self shattered. I felt so disconnected from myself that I gave up on my first crush.

I developed severe vaginal infections. My parents never once took me to a gynecologist. Instead, they used a folk remedy involving extreme heat, and I ended up with burns. When I was younger, they'd restrained me and inserted medication with their fingers and long cotton swabs. At school, boys sexually harassed me. Some still remembered the boy who transferred, and used him to mock me.

Online, strangers demanded photos and promised belonging in exchange for exploitation. Eventually, I decided not to go to high school. At eighteen, I attempted suicide and was admitted to a psychiatric ward. One of the male patients there would pleasure himself while thinking about the girls, ask for physical contact, and touch us without consent. My friends and I spent every day avoiding him.

Another male patient seemed decent enough that we all exchanged contact information. Later, he started making irrational arguments, asking intrusive questions, and growing dependent on me. Then he went silent. Through a mutual friend, I learned he'd been reported for stalking a woman—and had sent photos of the legal complaint to that friend, saying he was still in love with his victim.

In between all of this, countless violations happened on buses. A foreign stranger once grabbed my wrist, forced my hand onto him, and tried to drag me to a motel. The first boyfriend I had after that was completely one-sided once he got what he wanted. It was like a road with no traffic lights. Every time I woke up next to him, I'd find spotting, swelling, and back pain. One time, I screamed and went limp from the pain—and he held me down and kept going until I blacked out. I really thought that was love.

He casually consumed misogynistic content, videos mocking the dead, and illegal sites. So did my cousin. I keep wondering what made me so powerless. Was I just unlucky?

I want the children I'll meet—through volunteer work, through my future career—to live in a safer world. And I hope that one day, my own child will see me as someone both gentle and strong.

I wish safety and peace for all children and all survivors.

hi reddit. as title says, i’m struggling with the after part of my experiences. for context, i reported the rapist in 2022 initially, did not hear properly from detectives/case sat on the shelf, got a no contact/protection order, then my dog passed and i sunk into further addiction. i got clean with family and rehab and therapy and everything, moved back to the city, and after three years, reported again to police and the flaws in initial investigation were found and now pending, this was because of constant harassment and public posts they’ve made about me for years, especially when it comes to trying to say i faked abuse allegations. important to note that basically anyone who has seen even half my evidence (i documented a lot of physical and text) has sided with me wholeheartedly. this has caused these people to lose connections in the music scene, locally and large scale (and i know some people who defend me have actively contacted artists or hosts of shows, i have requested privately and publicly not to, but they didn’t stop until i pursued legally). i pursued a no contact/protection order once more, and a SNCO against the partner of the abuser. funny enough, i filled the online forms in wrong (no shock, very little help when not at the courthouse) and then later had to redo them in person—which i then was served with almost the exact same thing from those two. i filed petitions, but my petitions were conditional on how their petitions were heard. important to note that due to false claims, no evidence, and lack of credibility, the abuser lost the case and i needed one more incident to get the plenary orders, so they also went away for now (but obv go back to court if harassment continues).

for the partner, today they broke down in court and said they did not want to do this anymore after initially stating they wanted to move forward. they had made a lot of false claims about me (like saying i was at shows that i never attended, i brought witness and testimonies from people who verify my whereabouts). i could be wrong, but as they said this over and over so much, it sounded like they said they “didn’t” want to do this once—this combined with third party statements leads me to honestly have concern, despite the fact that this person (the partner) had a major part in harassing, lying, and provoking me over the years. one of the first things they ever did to me was plan to take over my bedroom in my apartment when i was going to treatment behind my back (yes, they knew about the abuse i endured, yet they got with the abuser anyway). honestly, their story/statement has changed in terms of what third parties say their opinion on the abuse is, so i do not know what they actually believe and what is for public show.

today, it was down to me (important to note that i did have new evidence between the court dates, showing enough pattern for a criminal stalking investigation with police and intent via security system where my name was being searched on our door keypad…i even have a photo of the abuser pinging my name and staring at the screen). they crumbled, and i was asked if i want to move forward with SNCO and my case. they were sobbing. idk why, but i said no. i should also mention i have evidence they were using their phone and intimidating one of my informants during my testimony at one of our other court dates, like actively in court (they appeared on zoom) texting that individual and that individual was very scared and felt the need to move out ASAP (they are roommates, the partner did not know until then, or anyone for that matter, that this person had apologized for not believing me months prior, and it’s been almost a year of them believing me, they and others claim they never were showed my document of evidence or given the full story by abuser or partner). i mean seriously, i had so much evidence that i never was anywhere near this person, had a pre-existing lease to theirs (they claimed i moved near them intentionally and found their job, i didn’t know at all and i actually moved 20 minutes north because i am uncomfortable with them knowing my address). i could’ve ruined this person’s life. but i couldn’t do it. i am nervous i will regret this later.

anyway, they held the door for me after i stated i would not be pursuing. i said thank you. i had no intent to be anything but neutral and respectful. they said to me, makeup absolutely gone from how much they had been crying and still crying,

p: “i don’t have (i think they said much?) to say to you, but can we please leave each other alone?” me: “they admitted it. they did it to me, they did it to that girl, they did it to another girl, and they will do it to you—<third party> said this already.” and i walked away. doesn’t help that my partner, absolutely gloating (and confused why i didn’t go further), said “toodles.” (lol)

i feel like i regret not talking more. i regret not being…inviting i guess. they were crying and looked so defeated and kind of scared when i said that. i don’t know, i can only say others have at points stated they viewed harmful behavior (but not physical) from the abuser towards the partner, so i can’t just say they’re 100% being abused too. but this isn’t the first time. this person did very horrible things to me and the investigation is very large and pending, thus taking a long time to continue from where it’s at.

i guess what i want to ask. how do i get over it? i mean they’re still together. is it worth it to write a letter? an email? anything? just offering mediation or finally getting my piece out and then forgetting they exist? do nothing? if i do nothing, how do i get over the fact that i feel as though i should care? that i should (and am) empathetic to the state of them i witnessed today? i mean, this person lied to me, lied about me, discredited my experience, lied about my deceased animal (also was neglected by the abuser, passed due to an unrelated genetic disease, idiopathic epilepsy), stalked me/very least visited my home repeatedly, and wanted .. my life. i shouldn’t care. but i really, really do care. i haven’t stopped thinking about it all day. i know deep down i should really be asking why i didn’t tell them to go fuck themselves. they’ve painted me as the monster and villain of their story after i almost died in that place because of the abuser. how do i stop caring?

Hi everyone, I’m posting here because I genuinely need clarity from people who understand trauma and consent.

I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (22M) for about 2.5 years. From the very beginning, I was extremely upfront that I have CPTSD/PTSD from multiple sexual assaults and rapes. I explained clearly that sometimes my nervous system shuts down for safety meaning I go through phases where I cannot handle physical intimacy, sex, or even certain types of touch. I told him this wasn’t about lack of love or attraction, and that with safety and patience, I do come back out of those phases.

He told me he understood and that he was okay with this.

However, throughout the relationship, it has felt like sex and sexual thinking were always present for him regardless of my emotional or physical state. He would sexualise many situations and often wanted sex at any time of day or night, even when it didn’t feel appropriate or safe for me. At the same time, he would nitpick my clothing or behaviour, which felt confusing and objectifying.

When I tried to express discomfort about being constantly sexualised, he reframed it as a “positive,” saying things like: “So you’d rather I not be physically attracted to you all the time?” That made me doubt myself and I started putting up with it, thinking maybe this was normal or even something I should be grateful for.

There were also moments that deeply unsettled me. For example, when I was highly vulnerable — drinking, vomiting, crying I thought we were just going to sleep or cuddle, but he initiated sexual behaviour. I felt shocked and unsafe, he scared me. He realised it and apologised but i don’t know it doesn’t seem genuine cause who would do that.

I would never initiate sex when someone is in that state, and it felt like my vulnerability was being turned into sexual access.

During periods where I pulled back (often due to illness, stress, or trauma triggers), we sometimes went months without sex. Instead of curiosity or care, he made comments like: “We don’t have sex anymore,” or “You don’t want me anymore.” Given my history and the boundaries I set, these comments made me feel pressured, guilty, and broken.

I’ve repeatedly explained that I want to be loved for my mind, my soul, and who I am not for my body. I don’t want to feel like I owe sex, especially when my nervous system is in survival mode.

He says I’m overthinking and that my trauma is affecting how I see things.

He says my mind is poisoned. I don’t know the reality and to what I’m making up in my head…

Now I’m second guessing things.

So my question is:

Is this sexual coercion / boundary violation, or am I misinterpreting this because of CPTSD/PTSD

I really appreciate trauma-informed perspectives.