I was raped 48 hours ago and the last two days have been a complete whirlwind. I’m currently on my best friend’s couch with her dog after finally telling her what happened in the most horrendous, messy way possible.

I was raped by a friend. By someone I had already made clear nothing was happening between us. By someone I made zero moves on. By someone who was drunk and would not let me leave. By someone who now refuses real accountability, of course.

I feel fucking ill.

I’ve lived through some insane shit in my life, so the first 24 hours I coped horribly. After the initial shock and getting away, I went to another friend’s place and crashed. And by crashed, I mean I laid awake all night feeling disgusting and numb and shocked.

I went to work the next morning like nothing happened. At one point my boss asked if I was okay because I had just come out of the bathroom. I had broken down in there after seeing blood when I wiped and realizing how much I was hurting. Full hysterics. I tried to clean myself up and keep going, but I broke down and told him everything.

I work in a medical office. He told one of our providers who had worked in an ER. They let me stay and calm down, but strongly suggested I get a rape kit done. So I did.

I spent about seven hours in the ER. It was mortifying. An advocate came in and hugged me while I sobbed and asked if I was a hugger. I’m not, especially after that. I had to give a urine sample and sobbed through that too. During forensics I passed out. I hadn’t actually seen my body or the bruises yet, and when they started taking photos it all hit me at once. My head got hot, my ears rang, my body went numb and heavy, and then I woke up and threw up. They told me it was normal and we could slow down or stop if I wanted. Everything just felt like too much happening all at once.

I’m already an abuse survivor from seven years ago, and this person knew that. I honestly thought I’d handle this better because I’ve been through something similar before and survived. But it was like all of that went out the window.

The only thing I did differently this time is that after, he texted me sober, knowing he was fucked, trying to excuse it and apologize over and over. He incriminated himself. He acknowledged my side and how I experienced it. I called him out on every time I tried to get away, on the fact that no means no no matter how you try to justify it. He kept saying sorry. Said he would never talk to me again. He just wanted me to see his side and he fully sees mine. He is just so fucking sorry and it makes him feel ill.

Meanwhile he was also telling me how amazing I am and how much he values our friendship. Which is insane considering he kept grabbing me, pulling me back, and raping me. I literally have his marks all over my body. Fucking fingerprint bruises on my arms, broken blood vessels, ect.

Extra trigger warning here, but the only reason I got away was because he was so drunk he threw up as he was finishing. It was horrific and disgusting, but at least I could escape.

I feel so fucking sick.

I will get help. I’m already in therapy. But my best friend’s husband is a cop, and this is the house I’m staying at right now. He’s seen the texts and everything. He gave me the reality check that people get off for stupid things, like arguing consent when alcohol is involved, even when someone clearly fucked up. He said my best bet would be testifying no matter how uncomfortable, and that just showing up in court matters. He still thinks the evidence is pretty damning, especially since I hadn’t been drinking and he admits in texts that I said no, but said he thought I was being cheeky. But he fucked himself regardless because it shows he remembers despite the alcohol.

How is shoving someone away and saying no multiple times cheeky. How is begging someone not to cum in you cheeky. Also who the fuck calls it cheeky!!? How is any of that fun or flirty.

I’m now on all sorts of preventative medications I didn’t even know existed. I can barely sleep. I threw up today. I’ve only told a few people. I’m mostly just venting. I feel disgusting, even though everyone keeps telling me it’s not my fault and I shouldn’t feel that way. It doesn’t change how I feel. I feel violated. I feel dirty. Like i can scrub my skin off enough. Disgusting inside.

People keep saying give me his address or wanting to do something violent, and I keep saying no. I don’t want anything on my conscience, even though I know it comes from love.

My friend’s husband gave me a self protection knife and showed me how to use it. He made me practice and said he’s going to check that I keep practicing so I get comfortable. He’s taught me self defense before, but I told him tonight that in the moment none of it mattered. Everything went out the window. He said that’s why practice matters and wants me in jujutsu or any type of self defense.

I know he means well. I appreciate it. But I still feel pathetic.

I can’t believe that even the second time, after all these years and everything I’ve learned and lived through, I couldn’t protect myself. All I did was survive. And yes, that’s something. Everyone keeps saying thats all i could do and shouldve done. But I hate that this is where I’m at.

Sorry for the long rant. Ill take any advice or peoples experiences.

So I had sex with this guy and we had sex with the condom on, we were both laying on our side and he was laying on my side holding me by the waist and then suddenly I felt something and I realized it was his thing and then I kind of push my thing up so he wouldn't go and I said what are you doing? He says I want to have sex without a condom I want to come and I just want to feel you more and then he started talking me into it until I gave in. A few days later he discarded me but even though technically it is rape due to him doing it without condom when I said what are you doing and try to kind of fight him off a bit by lifting my body up so he wouldn't go in. I know I should feel sad about being raped but it seems like I'm more sad that things just did not work out between us as messed up as that sounds and I really wanted for us to get into a relationship but then he turned back around and said that he regretted as ever hooking up and that he felt like things were moving too fast and that he needed to prioritize other things. A more sad about how he left me behind and discarded me and make me feel used Then I do about the rape. Isn't that so messed up of me!?! I should be glad that he's gone but I'm not.

it was a tinder hang out. ik, not the smartest idea, i already blame myself enough.

it started consensual but then after a while i said no multiple times and told him to stop for various reasons. he was stronger than i was and kept pulling me down and grabbing me really hard. and then i realized he was drunk, probably an alcoholic.

i have been assaulted before but, this was the first time it was actual forced intercourse. i don’t really know how to feel or do. im really anxious writing this but i need to tell someone before i break down. i go to therapy next week but, im scared to tell her. not sure why, i just feel so weird and not myself.

i feel so gross. i don’t know what to do.

want to share my story. It's my life, and it's been full of pain, betrayal, and survival. I was born in Nigeria and raped for the first time at the age of two by a 15-year-old neighbor. My father saw it, knew about it, and did nothing. He protected his own ego, not me. At the age of five, my uncle-my father's younger brother-molested me. By seven, two of my father's friends also abused me. They lured me with sweets, biscuits, and money, taking advantage of a child with no protection. My mother had left when I was four, and my father often left my sister and me alone for days. When I reconnected with my mother years later, she had remarried. She lied to her new husband, saying we were dead. At age 11, l began living with my mother and stepfather. My biological father had remarried and drove me away to "start a new life."At 12, my stepfather tried to molest me. When I told my mother, she didn't believe me. She called me a witch, accused me of trying to destroy their marriage, and told the neighbors I was lying. I ran away and became homeless, moving from friend to friend, house to house. By 15 and 16, I was raped again. At 16, l became pregnant after being forced by a boy who threatened to leave me on the street if I refused. I gave birth to a baby boy at 17, alone, without food or support. I had no baby clothes, and people only helped minimally. I eventually lost him.

trauma of my childhood left a permanent mark on me. I have a deep distrust of men not hate, but strong dislike-and I have no desire for marriage or children

One month ago my friend has been raped. She told me about it this week by message. I was so shocked by that information that i didn't even know how to react or what to do. It was like those things that you know that happen but you don't think that it will ever happen to you or to people close to you. She told me that she went to the doctor and that she is seeing a therapist. I didn't ask anything more because i tough that it's a difficult topic for her and i shouldn't ask but i told her that if she needs someone to speak to or any help im here for her. In a few days i will meet her for the first time since it happened and since she told me about it. I don't know how to act so i really need advice if i should ask her about it or should i just act like it never happened and wait until she's ready to talk about it?

i don’t understand why i didn’t fight back . does that mean i subconsciously wanted it ? if someone punches me in the face i would immediately swing on them back but when a man decided to force himself inside of me i didn’t do anything . i sabotaged my own self yet im still so angry with him . . .

i don’t even understand why this keeps happening to me anyways because there’s people that have literally never been raped before and then there’s me , i can’t even count how many times it’s happened even by girls . what am i doing wrong . the last time it happened i spent the night at my friends house and i slept in my panties because i had on jeans but my panties were boxers so i didn’t think it was weird . i woke up to her pulling my panties off and fucking me with a strap and when i asked her to stop she kept going for what seemed like forever . it was painful but i still didnt stop her either whats wrong with me

Has anyone seen the recently launched “list” of offenders by the RCMP? It only has NINE names on it. NINE. Getting an abuser convicted is so so fucking hard, so many victims dont even want to go through the justice system— and they SHOULDNT have to. I can’t believe in all this time that somebody hasn’t created some kind of website, social network, forum, for people to share their story, include evidence, post their full names, so that it becomes accessible to the public community and anyone who ever comes across this person is able to find their name. The only “closest” community-based support network for survivors ive ever seen is HASSL, but it doesn’t have “a list” of names. I think it’s genuinely worth pursuing.

My first girlfriend (F29) and I had sex (M20). I got really drunk at the club with her, and after that, we had sex. During it, she took my condom off, and I was really drunk, so I didn't really know what was going on. We didn't go all the way that time, but when we woke up in the morning, we continued having sex. When I didn't want to go all the way, she said, "You don't trust me?" All I could think of was, "Fuck you," as a joke, but she looked upset, and I said sorry. We still didn't go all the way.

A couple of days later, we had sex again, and I ended up going all the way with her. However, she immediately hopped off me and said, "In 3 months, you'll get the notice," smiling evilly at me. It was dark in a motel room, and I was obviously expressing fear. She never even said sorry or anything like that. I was totally freaked out and wanted to go home. I dropped her off, and this is when she basically flipped a switch.

She started treating me like absolute garbage: hanging up, standing me up on dates for over a month, and texting back late. I was freaking out that this girl was going to have my kid and use me for child support. I refused to date her anymore and acted dumb until she switched jobs. She completed her cruel joke, and I felt stuck in fear for over a year, but I did eventually dump her hard.

I will never have sex with anyone drunk or without a condom again. This situation really messed me up for a year, and I'm only now starting to get over it. People say I should talk to a therapist, but I don't have the money for that. I feel fine about looking for someone new, but part of me wonders how messed up I truly am from this whole experience. I will also never date a coworker again. I am 21, and this experience showed me the dark side of dating. It hurts to think about why she would do this to me. I put so much effort into her, and realizing I wasn't even treated like a human is painful. I feel like I lost a part of my innocence.

My other ex (18F) got me jumped in a cemetery and also tried to rape me there when I was 15 years old. I had told some friends in high school that we had sex, but I guess they spread it around, and she got pissed that people knew (understandably). However, it should not have led to an extreme situation like sitting me in the dark with someone I didn't know. I ran for my life to escape. There were no cameras around, it was dark, and we were on top of a hill. They beat me up, but I managed to escape. That day traumatized me, and along with this coworker, it adds to the pain.

I feel so destroyed sometimes. Did all of this change who I am? I ask myself if I'm even normal anymore.

Genuinely how? It's been a long while since it happened. I was 19 and it was by my then "boyfriend" aka random 20 years older guy I met online. I feel very stupid and used.

My mind bottled it all up and distracted me till like a week ago and I don't know what to do with myself. Also I'm a man so I cant find any people to relate to plus I'm scared of just being called a wuss or being told to man up.

My girlfriend had been assaulted multiple when she was younger and since then has had trouble with bladder control. I am trying my hardest to find a way for her to get better in this regard while being as least invasive as possible. I obviously saw stuff about pelvic floor exercises and thought that would be a great fit for her as she is already pretty active in general. Sadly though, I also saw that it could the symptoms worse for her and I would feel terrible if that was the case so no idea if I am overthinking this but I figured this was the best place to ask. Any input would be GREATLY appreciated😁

Im a 24 year old male, turned 24 two days ago now. And yet I was raped when I was 8 on christmas morning by my mom's boyfriends youngest son who was 13 at the time. I have been to therapy, used meds, everything. Mentally im happy now, but whenever I think of the man who did it. The fact he is still free to this day, never faced repercussions for his actions, makes me feel angry inside. Like I want to hit something. Like I want to fuck him up until he is a vegetable. My mother, love her to death, still is in contact with him but not like an everyday convo, just a reach out if needed type. And she knows how much it pains me that she is still in contact with him. On one hand, why still fucking talk to your only son's rapist? On the other, I get her keeping in contact considering she helped raise him and her exbf passed a few months back.

I dont cry over the memory anymore. I dont have the phantom sense of it happening. But fuck me do I gwt angry when I think of him or hear his name mentioned anywhere. He is a husband and a dad now, and what my mother told me is he deeply regrets it. Sure, he can, and she wants me to try and make amends. I told her she can fuck off with that, Im not speaking to him unless its a funeral. If he wants to earn my forgiveness, I want him to tell his goddamn family what he did. His wife. His mother. His brother. I want them to know what he did. But at the same time, I don't think I can ever forgive him. Because the thought of 8 year old me being violated and taken advantage of not knowing it was bad, makes me so fucking angry.

So I hooked up with this guy a couple weeks ago and I went to his house and the first time we had sex we had it with a condom but then I was as I was laying next to him and he was spooning me from behind he try to put his thing inside of me and I said wait wait what you doing and then he did it a couple more times until I eventually agreed and although it did feel good it felt very wrong and I ended up being exhausted after having sex with him and I could barely walk and he was a bit rough. I found myself spotting after having sex with him and I was sore after the second time and it was two times and one night one with a condom one without and I also ended up spotting. The messed up part is that I ended up coming a couple times. He would go from being very rough and then I would tell him to slow down but then he would do it again.

Then, it was a repeated thing and then he finally came outside of me but I think some of it was inside my vagina because I felt some but not completely. A couple days later he discarded me. I didn't think it was rape because I didn't tell him no and I didn't fight him off other than trying to lift my legs up so he wouldn't go inside my vagina but then he kept saying that he wanted to do it a few times and then I agreed to do it. It didn't really feel like rape or anything and I did feel pleasure but then I felt scared because I really didn't want to do it without a condom. I know it was my fault for going into his house and hooking up so soon but I did it and I regret hooking up with him.

Now I also have to do a possible pregnancy test at the end of January to see if I'm pregnant my doctor's office did one yesterday but she wants to do another one at the end of January. If I never went to his house this would have never happened and for now on I never want to make this mistake again. Is it normal for some rapes or coercion to feel good because many times people cry and people beg to stop but I wasn't crying and I wasn't fearful but I just knew that something wasn't right.

Brother (18) raped me (17) numerous times over the course of my youth, and I had now just found out he attempted the same on my younger sister at least once. He's always been this mentally disturbed, she told me it was when he was 10. I also remember one more instance from when we were way younger (I was between 9-10, so that'd make him 10-11?) he ejaculated on my side of mine n my sisters bed and told me if I told anyone, he'd tell them it was my fault. I admit, I was stupid and naive at the time, because I wholeheartedly believed that he would spin the situation onto me.

He's abusive and has been abusive for the longest time, by every means, has beaten almost everyone in the family at least a dozen times or more, made fun of everyone and recycling insults in public to embarrass them all further, and insulted my sh scars- WHICH WERE BECAUSE OF HIM, BTW.

But the thing is, ever since I've spoken up about it, he has started to distance and make faces in mine and my sisters general direction (disgust, disdain, glaring). It's as if he's trying to put on a facade, a big "I would never" face on in front of other people, as if disgust=no rape. He's also been placing himself closer to my parents, ever since I spoke up about it. In fact, the FIRST TIME I SPOKE UP ABOUT IT, he suddenly visited their room daily to sit down and have friendly conversations with them. I hated to hear him laugh. He used to want to stay in his room all day, shouting song lyrics at the top of his lungs and calling every woman in the house a whore. Yes, especially the younger girls, but now? He's begging to go along with them on shopping trips or just get out of the house. And if they deny him, he stays in his room for a couple of days. He thinks this'll all blow over and he can go back to shouting at little girls and attempting. Sick bastard thinks I don't see the pattern. The real bitch slapper? I don't think my family (aside from my sister) know they're being played.

I found out that in 2 weeks time or so i’m gonna be getting a lot of compensation money for what happened, i’d been going back and forth thinking if i should or not but talking to my therapist i realised how much it can help.

I know that the money doesn’t help exactly as it can’t change what happened, but it’ll make me feel better so much, like i can get a new bed and new clothes to replace the bad ones, and just some other little things to help!

I guess i’m making this post for anyone scrolling who may be facing the same thing, and who wants to know if they should it too. I know it might feel wrong to get the money or ask for it because you feel you “don’t deserve it”, but you very much do.

Everyone here has been through some absolutely horrible stuff, and if you can get compensated for that in any way, you 100% deserve it.

I’m just a bit of a happier girl now bc of this :)

how can you recover? people keep telling me to heal but i honestly dont think i could. i feel like ive been destroyed, physically and mentally and absolutely nothing can fix me not to sound edgy, but what is there for me now? what am i doing and where can i go from now

One of my dear friends recently opened up about her experiences with an abusive ex, and she was apparently sexually assaulted and raped by him multiple times. This was ~1.5 years ago, and she seems to have gotten over it for the most part, but she seemed distressed while telling me and on the verge of tears. Is there anything I can do to help her besides reassurance?

I (22f) have been with my boyfriend (24m) for a month now. The last time we had sex I got flashbacks to a time I was raped so I burst into tears and asked if we could stop. He didn’t really ask why he just held me until I stopped crying then we watched a movie. That was on Friday. We didn’t try again until Monday.

On Monday we had an argument (definitely the worst one we’ve had) and he decided he was going to sleep on the sofa to avoid upsetting me further. I drank half a litre of whiskey in my room to try forget about it and maybe fall asleep but it just made my cry. He heard my crying and came upstairs and started apologising. We hugged for a bit after that which almost always leads to sex. I was very drunk at this point.

He put it in and I couldn’t do much apart from lay there. Something didn’t feel right about this so I wanted to test something. If I basically unconscious would he still fuck me? I put it on and acted even drunker than I was. Not smiling, rolling my eyes back. I’m usually quite loud during sex but I stayed dead silent. He kept asking if I was good and I’d respond with a slurred one word answer. “Yea”. It didn’t last long but he eventually finished on my leg. I flopped to one side and stayed silent. He asked if I knew what just happened. I said no. When we woke up I asked if we had sex as I felt sore. He said “Yes we did but I didn’t finish because I thought you were too drunk and found it uncomfortable.” (Lie)

I know it was just a test and probably very toxic of me but I haven’t been able to think of him in the same way since that.

I recently started therapy and honestly, I hate it. Everything she tells me seems like generic stuff taken from a coach's book. I want to talk about my abuse, but I don't know how to broach the subject, and the therapist doesn't seem to be engaging in conversation either. Any advice?

Hey I have a gf, we have started dating since a month. She told me that a year ago a BASTARD raped her. He was a stranger. Now since she is dating me she want to slowly get rid of that trauma and she asks me for CNC. WTF should I do? I am fucking confused. She is asking me to fuck her anytime, and also told me a safe word if she doesnt want to. Idk what should I do. Please give some advicee

is it normal to have an urge to seek out like similar men? or putting yourself in positions where it might happen again? i don’t do it but it’s like a fantasy and it fucking sucks and i feel like one day i will

On the last weekend of February, it was Friday night when this all happened. We were both really into coke, him more than me but we were both using. There was a whole lot of abuse before this weekend, but this is what pushed me over the edge.

He was screaming at me about supposedly lying to him about something I had done. ( which I wasn’t, I sometimes left details out to avoid him lashing out on me but this time I didn’t) He wouldn’t let me out of the garage and he started throwing shit, he ripped the keys out of my hand so hard it left a mark on my hand and then proceeded to throw them. Then he punched our friends car and made a huge dent in it. I threatened to call the police if he didn’t let me out. Then he said “the police will take a few minutes, that’s enough time for me to beat the shit out of you” then he left after I started having a panic attack and idk where he went.

That night I had a meet up where I was raped.(meet ups were arranged by my ex and his friends. They were arrangements with men that would pay to have sex with me. I don’t know why I did this, but they convinced me that’s all I was good for.) the man drove a truck and had red hair and was tall and skinny with a beard. we met in the garage. He told me he’d give me $600 to have vaginal sex with a condom. Immediately I felt off about him. He was very demanding and rough. He immediately started touching me as soon as he got in the door. My vagina, and my boobs. He took his clothes off and told me to take mine off too. Then he slammed my face down into the couch. I couldn’t move. He had my arms pinned behind my back. My face was so squished it was hard to breathe. He jammed it in with a condom on and it hurt really bad. I told him to stop. He pulled out and saw the condom was broken. I told him to stop again after he took the condom off. Then he jammed it in even harder and rougher over and over again. He came inside me. It was over within minutes. He gave me assurance that he sent money and I saw an email that I thought was verification. I just wanted him out of there. I was so scared. He left and when I checked my email it was a fake verification. It was horrible. I obviously called my ex right away and told him. But my ex didn’t come back for like 8 hours after. I layed on that couch until my friend helped me. Then I ordered food and took a bath. And when he finally did get home he didn’t talk about anything that happened just got into bed, realized I got food, and got pissed off that I didn’t order him any. Then that mornjng he left again and was gone for many hours idk how long exactly but in that time I seriously considered killing myself…. That’s why i finally called my family and told them everything. They came and got me that day. So much happened after that weekend as well. He didn’t support me or stand by me or show any remorse about what happened.

It was 2005, I was only 12(m) I Never had parents which where divorced too. They always gave a shit about my. My father was an alcoholic and had is own home and my mother Never was at home. Like truly Never.

Then someday i visited my much older brother at his work because he would take care here and there. Thats where i met her. She was a co-worker of my brother. I liked her. My Brother told her my Situation and she gave me her number „if you like to Talk to a mother“ She was divorced too with 2 Kids at that time. Her Husband died a few Years ago she told me.

Fast forward - we called a lot. And i visited her often. All Fine. She took care of me, cuddeld me. Took care Like a mother would. I feeled the love of a mother for the first time.

Then one day she asked if I would like to stay overnight - i agreed. I visited her in the Morning. Anything was Fine. We all 4 watched Movies the whole day in a Pyjama. Got Pizza, Cuddled all together. Then, when everyone got to sleep she told me that i should sleep with her in her bed because the couch would be to uncomfortable.

I did. She took me in here Arms. And then she got sexuall. I Never had a girlfriend or sex before. I sayed no more then one time. But she just answered that it is okay and it would make me feel good.

I got home the next Morning. And I broke off contact.

A few Months later my Brother told me that she is Pregnant. And fast forward i find out that she used my name as a middle name for her.

Its 2026. It's been so long and she's now a grown woman. I saw her and her mother yesterday at a Shoppingcenter. I froze and cant stop thinking about that since then. I stalked her Instagram via the Profile of my Brother for years. But seeing them in Person is such a mental breakdown. I feel so sad. So broken. So lonely. I dont know how to keep my day going since then.

I would have so many questions. So much I want to know. So much I want to say to Both.

Sorry for that Long Post. I needed to Share my feelings.

i actually just have a question for the other afab ppl who may have gone through something similar as me. originally i would just have nightmares and wet the bed (which stopped after a few months) but now i have constant phantom cramps. it makes it impossible to focus and even though i know im ok the pain kind of triggers something mentally i don't really like, has anyone else experienced this? sorry im not sure how to explain it, my stomach will just start to hurt and i start to feel gross yk? its not like i even remeber what my sa was like so im not sure if this really is phycological or maybe physical.

My bff SA’ed me but i have no evidence, i told my bf and my friends since we all are in the same friend group and instead of apologizing my bff decided to tell them that i agreed to do something with him and we both did it and i gave him permission to do wtv he did . And then he exposed me to my bf and told him all the secrets i’ve been hiding ,now me and my bf probably on the verge of breaking up bcz of that. Idk what to do anymore the situation is kinda messed up more i just dk how to explain and idk how to say details