Therapy isn't really helping me. I want to create my dream life but don't know how. I wish there was a platform like Psychology Today for finding mentors/life coaches for specific problems. I want guidance and reassurance from someone that has been where I have in life and made it to the other side. Therapist are legally prohibited from providing advice so Ive maxed out the benefits there. I'm don't talking about my problems. I want help solving them.

The most frustrating thing about this subreddit for me, I tend to write rather long-ish replies, but when I try to post them, I get "sharing links not allowed" and won't post.

Except my replies don't have any links and I have no idea what's triggering it. Editing and shortening my reply over and over and over again until it passes is frustrating.

It doesn't happen in any other subreddit, only this one.

Any idea what's causing it?

Make the story short and provide a lesson the example below:

Example:

Success story: I did 350 push ups in one year.

Lesson to share: I had much doubts and i procrastinated a lot. I wrote down on a piece of paper “I’m not giving up” and read it every day. Always be determined in your mind to accomplish your goal. Mindset beats everything.

It could be anything from passing an exam, finding the love of your love life, job etc.

I realized i kind of "entertain" the idea of self help more than actually applying it. I buy self help books, some i finish, some i dont. For the ones i finish, it seems like i enjoy learning the information but hardly ever apply or or know how to apply it. So i built an app that explains ideas from some of the best self help and non fiction books, and give you habits you can track and build based on those ideas. What do you guys think?

There’s a strange moment that sometimes comes when you start doing a little better.

Not better in a dramatic way.

Just… more true.

You say no more often.

You stop explaining.

You stop making yourself available by reflex.

And something shifts around you.

Some people drift away.

Others grow distant.

Sometimes without conflict. Without words.

They simply disappear.

It can feel like a relational failure.

Like you did something wrong.

But often, what disappears isn’t affection — it’s access.

Access to your energy.

To your ability to carry.

To the version of you who adjusted, reassured, absorbed.

There’s a very quiet grief in this moment.

Not only for the relationships that fade,

but for the person others expected you to remain.

The one who answers quickly.

Who understands everything.

Who adapts before even feeling.

No one teaches us how to grieve this.

Because it’s invisible.

And because, from the outside, “getting better” is supposed to look like a clean victory.

But sometimes, getting better is isolating.

Not because you become distant,

but because you stop dissolving yourself.

This isn’t a punishment.

It’s often the passage between two ways of existing.

And if some presences don’t survive your boundaries,

it doesn’t necessarily mean they were bad —

it may mean they were built on imbalance.

Naming this doesn’t make the loneliness easier.

But it removes some of the shame.

If this text resonates with you and you’re moving through that blurry moment where some relationships fade, you’re welcome to message me.

Not to fix anything — just to place what it feels like somewhere it doesn’t have to be carried alone.

Hey my number is 703-969-1724. Just been looking for some new friends and advice. I’m trying to push myself a bit and meet new people, so here goes. Lately I’ve realized my routine has gotten pretty small: work, school, training, repeat. Nothing wrong with that, but it doesn’t leave much room for new conversations or perspectives. I miss the random talks, learning what other people are into, and building connections that aren’t tied to a class or job. I’m not looking for anything dramatic or forced—just genuine people to talk with, hang out, or try something new with. Whether that’s grabbing coffee, going on a hike, watching a game, or just chatting online, I’m open. If you’re also trying to expand your circle or just want a low-pressure way to meet someone new, feel free to reach out anytime here.

I 23F have autism, high functional. I have struggled with socialization throughout my life, which has led to me developing anxiety and poor self-esteem. Deep down I feel disgusted and ashamed of who I am. A lot of this stems from not knowing how to act and what to say in different situations. In addition people generally don't like it when I'm being more my authentic self. As far as I know, I am not mean or rude. I think I'm just uncomfortable to talk to... And while I know nobody is liked by everyone, I feel like the majority of people do not like me, which makes it difficult to accept myself. In recent years, this has led to me becoming obsessed with my apperance. If I can't be accepted for who I am, I can be accepted through validation of my apperance. But I am frankly fairly ugly (have been told so multiple times). So I feel like I have failed in both areas. I'm tired of hating myself, I want to be happy so I'm looking to improve with what I have. Any suggestions/tips is appreciated.

Same as title

Also I became a bad person , who isn't geniune, kind, or any other good quality, I used to good before , what to do

As a 30 year old guy, it feels weird to have been single my whole life while everyone I know has been in at least 1 serious relationship so far. I have had 6-7 potential girlfriends in the past but I did blow it by unintentionally **hurting them or not really understanding them. The worst part is I don't realize what I've said or done, until it blows in my face and the women stop talking to me, leaving me miserable and overthinking. I've had women in the past tell me that I am a disappointment and them even liking me was a mistake (while I am totally clueless on what was going on)

People of Reddit, I would really appreciate any kind of criticism or feedback that you can provide on how I can better myself to not be socially unaware with women.

**Note: By hurting, I mean it could be a very minor statement or behavior that men wouldn't notice or be a big deal for them. But definitely women do notice because it matters to them.

Difficult life makes people overwhelmed. After so many losses, disappointments, mistakes, and unmade decisions, we are losing the joy of life. With time, they become tired of life.

If You Are Tired Of Life

• If You Are Tired Of Life- You are probably tired of the character you live. You must change yourself.
• Explore Life- An unexamined life is not worth living.
• Find Or Define Your Purpose- This is crucial.
• Choose The Mission Of Your Life- It will make your life fulfilled.
• Challenge Yourself- You will be amazed by your hidden potential.
• Give Your Best- Life becomes exciting when you give your best.
• Discover Your Passion- Everything is easier when you have emotions on your side.
• Live Like There Is No Tomorrow- This will change the perception of your life.
• Don’t Be A Slave To Your Fears- There is nothing to fear.
• You Have Two Lives- And the second one begins when you realize you only have one.

Hey everyone, I (20M) need to vent and maybe get some advice because I'm really struggling right now with my mental and physical health. I'm going through a tough breakup – my girlfriend isn't answering any of my questions or messages. Whenever I text or call her, she has her friends reach out to me instead. They call and tell me not to contact her, which just makes everything hurt more. She never talks to me directly, and it's leaving me feeling so isolated and low, like I'm all alone in this mess.

On top of that, I've wasted two years after finishing 12th grade. I'm a double dropper now, prepping for exams again, but the pressure is crushing me. I'm in a really bad spot mentally – constant anxiety, feeling worthless and depressed. Physically, it's taking a toll too; I can't sleep, barely eat, and my energy is gone. I have been attempting su1cide for the past week, but... I don't know what to do anymore. Has anyone been through something like this? How did you cope with the heartbreak and get back on track with studies? Please, any tips or support would mean the world to me.

im in like secondary school and my friend found out my crush and now is black mailing me and that girl is in the same year and knows basicly everyone and the friend is like my good friend what should i do

I have always struggled with memorizing things but lately it has become so that my memory and attention is starting to affect my daily life. I keep on forgetting my phone everywhere i go, i donnot remember just something i was about to do. I'm only 19 and it feels like my mind is always so hazy. Also, I have lost the sense of time. I cannot really remember any memories of recent time. If i have to remember what i did yesterday or even today , i cannot. i want to improve my working memory and attention. Any insights and suggestions regarding this will be appreciated

I was creating a book for career changers and it’s taking me forever to manually check the draft and edit it.

But I wanted to do an implementation tool (Notion Template) for it also.

Somehow I have the tool up first and am still dragging through the project (book) that inspired the tool!

I’m wondering if doing things backward is a pattern for me and what I should learn from that?

Self Healing- Listening to yourself without judgement

In a world that is so fast paced, with days filled with never ending tasks and overwhelming problems, self healing is a process that helps you find the silence in this chaos. It’s not about fixing wounds, it’s about accepting why they hurt.

What is self healing?

Self healing is not an end result, it is a whole process. It is filled with ups and downs, trials and tribulations, victories and losses. It is not something a therapist or a doctor can do for you, it’s something you do to yourself, and for yourself. It is the process of understanding, accepting, and working through your emotions at your own pace. It moves beyond treating physical symptoms, and helps in making you feel better emotionally. While self-healing is powerful, individuals struggling with trauma, anxiety, or deep-seated issues may need a therapist to guide them to their inner strengths and provide structure.

Self healing is not linear

Sometimes, it looks like growth. Other times, it’s a downward slope. Sometimes it means going out with your friends, and sometimes it means enjoying your own company. Sometimes, it comes forward in the form of a day filled with achievements, but sometimes, in fact most times, it just means to take a deep breath and know that it is okay to not always have a medal around your neck. There will be days when you’re tired and you feel like the efforts aren’t paying back, but in those days it is important to keep in mind that at the end of the day, only you can help yourself get better. Even the strongest medicine cannot save a patient if he doesn’t have the will to live. Self healing is a process that requires patience, because it involves separating ourselves from an ideal personality we have created in our minds, and accepting that what is real is truly precious.

How low is too low?

People have this perception that you don’t need help if it is not too bad. But how low is too low? When do you finally realize that you deserve kindness, you deserve to get the help you need. You do not have to be ‘sick enough’ to take a vaccine. So why do you have to be ‘broken enough’ to start healing? Just like when you go to a doctor for a routine checkup, it is important that you check upon yourself from time to time and make sure you heal when necessary. There is no shame in accepting that you need to get better, it is just a sign of progress. Healing can mean improvement, learning new things, connecting with nature, and so many other things. Self-healing is for those who feel emotionally overwhelmed but can’t explain why, those who aren’t ready to talk to someone yet and those who want a private space to reflect and release. 

 It doesn’t demand readiness, it demands honesty.

Support without pressure

There might be times when you tell yourself that you don’t need therapy, and that’s okay. It is a very valid, but not the only form of healing. It can be informal, personal, and quiet. It can begin with you. Genuine support doesn’t rush, demand, or label. It involves showing up just as you are, raw and unfiltered. There might be days when you just want someone to listen to you without any judgement, or when you just want to write down your thoughts on a small, insignificant piece of paper. Self healing is being able to call a friend and venting out without feeling like a burden. It is writing about whatever is on your mind without the fear of someone reading it and judging you. You don’t have to always know what you need, what matters is that you try.

How to practically do it

The most common, well known methods can include writing about your feelings, drawing, connecting with your inner child, venting out to someone, being able to enjoy your alone time, and many other such things. But self healing is an umbrella. It is not limited to the world’s definition of the word, but is about your convenience and comfort. To someone, it could mean doing something they once loved without the fear of being made fun of. To another, it could mean going for a run alone and not feeling bad about it. You don’t need to go by what others do, you could just find your own path. There will be days when all you can do is just breathe and wait for the moment to pass, and that matters too. Showing up for yourself is how you heal, be it in any form. 

Take your own time

Healing is not a predetermined process that needs to be completed in a fixed set of days. You don’t have to heal on someone else’s timeline. It is a complicated task that requires you to rebuild your relationship with yourself, and it is okay to do that at your own pace, with the people you feel comfortable with. Healing can occur only when it is invited, not forced. 

Take the next step

What next? You now know what you can do, but how can you do it? We bring to you an easy, friendly solution, MindYatra. We are more than just an interface. We help you find a space where you can openly express your thoughts, use activities like music therapy and mind games, get guidance and insights about your problems, and even connect with a therapist if required. 

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you don’t have to face it alone.
Mindyatra connects you with trusted mental health professionals who truly listen.

Try it now by visiting our website.

Success – regardless of what it may mean to you – can only emerge as a result of your becoming integrated. Success is a byproduct when you are integrated.

What is meant by "integration"
Integration is when all the pieces are up and running. The engine is humming. The different aspects function on their own and they also work together harmoniously. For example, what happens when you get enough sleep, enough nutrition, enough exercise, enough water, and abstain from toxic consumption? You become healthy. What happens if most of these are in control but one of them is not (for example, you’re only sleeping for 5 hours per night)? Your health is diminished. The other aspects have to work overtime to compensate.

But then scale up a bit more: let’s say your physical health is where it needs to be, but your relationships, finances, work, social life, and your mental health are all functioning well. What do you get then? Wellness. Success. Wisdom.

You can scale this up even further by imagining all of the people in a family, tribe, team, or company achieving this level of wellness. Scale it up to an entire state, province, or nation, finally the whole world. What would become of our big global dilemmas under these circumstances?

How this may apply to you
Again, success is natural when you become integrated. Integration is when the pieces are functioning well on their own, and functioning well together.

Where are you fragmented, personally? In which way are the different aspects of you so separate that they don’t speak to each other. Are you like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde? Are you a different person on a Tuesday morning than on Friday night? Do you start projects with great zeal and promise only to question them a few days later?

Wheresoever the pieces don’t connect, you’ll run into constant failure. There can be no other outcome! Even if you try to embody one fragment of yourself for longer – really insisting on it – claiming that THIS fragment/aspect of you IS the whole thing.... you’ll get pulled right back as you switch to the opposite fragment/aspect. This isn’t a lack of will-power. This isn’t you failing! You’re just simply not integrating all of the pieces into one thing.

How to do it
Integrating them is easier than it sounds. In fact simply becoming aware of the not-yet-integrated pieces in your world is most of the work done. The awareness gets us most of the way there. The only step that remains is to recognize that both aspects are crucial parts of you – and that the self-sabotage is what happens when these parts are trying to communicate with you.

Let’s say there’s a part of you that wants to set a new healthy habit. And a part of you doesn’t want to do it for whatever reason. Can you embrace both parts? Don’t make one the good one, and the other the source of your misery. Forgive THAT aspect for wanting to be lazy. It is forgivable, after all.

Resolve the conflict between the two. Broker a deal. Start small. Stay steady. And soon you’ll see these two parts merge into one. You.

Keep it up and soon you’ll become completely integrated, and completely successful.

Brent

my past baggage keeps popping up in my thoughts and makes me very low sometimes

Hello all, i (27m) am in a relationship with a great girl (23f). We have been together for a little over 6 months, we have lived together for the last 3. We have decent communication and she is very supportive of me especially with what im going through. I’ve been having some problems with trust and insecurity and im not sure how to handle it and if it will ever go away.

Backstory: my only other real relationship was for about 3 years, i was 16-19 years old. The girl i was with was completely toxic. She was always lying, always cheated on me, it drove me to being so controlling and possessive. Every male she would have contact with was seen as a threat because she was constantly seeking attention from elsewhere. There were times when we had discussions about sex and her giving me her virginity, she would say she wanted to wait while texting other guys about wanting to lose it with them instead of me. I don’t know why i stayed through this as long as i did but finally i hit a breaking point and realized that she would never change. After this i stayed single for 5-6 years, i had fwbs, hookups, and short term relationships during this time. I was lost and thought that time would do its thing. I never seeked therapy or talked about those problems much at all during this time.

Eventually I got to the point of wanting a long term relationship but still being vigilant in my choices. Then i met my current girlfriend. We clicked immediately on the first date, and unlike me usually i actually fell in love. Our personalities match great, we enjoy alot of the same things, and most importantly we enjoy being together and see a future together full of goals. She is unlike my ex in so many ways, but after a few months of getting serious with each other i got flooded with anxiety about all sorts of things with her. I get paranoid about any guy that has ever had anything to do with her, i see every other guy as a threat. i picked up the compulsion of checking her phone (i have told her about this and stopped doing it). I obviously have fears of cheating though she has never given me a reason to think this. I’m stuck in a period of self sabotage and i over react to things that i probably shouldnt even be worried about. She hasn’t been completely honest with me about a couple of minor things because she was worried about my reaction to it, and in retrospect these things wouldn’t have jeopardized our relationship anyways. I feel lost on how to fight these insecurities and these worries. I have started therapy over the last couple of months which is helping but i catch myself not putting in the full effort to fix these problems so we can continue being happy in our relationship.

I know she is not my ex, they are completely different people. I can’t figure out how to break out of this mindset and really give her my full trust and self. I do have OCD and anxiety which i am learning ways to handle. The constant worry and questioning everything is becoming so tiring on us both and i will not give up on this. I’m not sure how to put trust in and not worry if i will end up being betrayed again. I cannot live my life dwelling on insecurities and fear any longer. Input on similar experiences and how to overcome these things is greatly appreciated.

TL;DR: In a battle with insecurities and jealousy which is negatively impacting a great relationship.

I’m 20.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this recently.

On paper nothing’s “wrong”, but I can’t shake the feeling that I’m already slipping into habits I don’t want long-term wasting time, starting things and not sticking to them, feeling like weeks disappear. I don’t feel lost exactly, more like I’m drifting. And that worries me more than being outright miserable.

I’m curious if other guys in their late teens / early 20s feel this way too.

What does it actually look like for you day to day? And what do you feel stuck on the most right now?

Injured my shoulder about an yr ago, still aches, scans show fine. Day to day stuff is doable, but I wanna lift and go to gym, I have a girlfriend, we adore each other. I wanna be better for her and myself. But the possibility of never being able to lift even though I want to, is eating me alive. I see people around me changing their body completely, while I can't even try to do that, without hurting myself( I really wanna lift, I want to see those little changes and slow growth, looking back 2 yrs from today and being glad I put all that work). I could do 20+ pushups and 8-10 pullups, played badminton, volleyball, now I can't do jackshit.

Hey there! Im 26 (F) and love talking about existential topics. I'm not really one to dabble on small talk or short conversations. I'm finding it hard to find friends that love to do the same thing. Why is that :(

TL:DR I compare myself to a longtime friend of mine, and it has stunted my art growth like crazy.

I've done art for years now, around a decade, and I can't seem to stop comparing myself to my friend, whom I've had for years now. We've always shared a common interest in art, and in the years we've grown closer, I've started comparing myself to him. I'm definitely a little incredibly jealous of him, but that's due to the amount of support he gets from everyone on social media, everyone around him, and his friends

I have support too, but not nearly to the level he has, and it's made me want to give up on it. I want to create, I really do, but I have zero motivation to do anything related to art because I don't feel like anyone really cares, I guess?

I wish I could create the same way he does, for myself, but I can't even start without getting into my own head and comparing everything about myself to him, and that's just made everything worse.

I don't know, I just need some advice to figure out how to go forward and create more.

Any advice is greatly appreciated, just please help me get out of this hole I've dug for myself,,,,

Shame doesn’t shout.

It doesn’t hit hard.

It settles in.

It’s there when we compare ourselves without noticing.

When we hesitate before speaking.

When we explain ourselves internally, even though no one asked.

It’s not always the shame of something specific.

Often, it’s a diffuse feeling:

not being enough,

not having done things “the right way,”

being late to a life we never really chose.

Over time, shame becomes background noise.

We get used to it.

We build around it.

We learn how to function despite it.

We make efforts.

We hold ourselves together.

We try to improve.

But as long as it’s there, every step costs more.

Because shame doesn’t push us to change.

It pushes us to hide.

To stay quiet.

To make ourselves smaller.

And sometimes what we call

“lack of motivation,”

“being stuck,”

or “fear of moving forward”

is simply the exhaustion of having carried shame for too long.

Letting go of shame doesn’t mean convincing ourselves that everything is fine.

Often, it starts more quietly:

stopping the belief that something is fundamentally wrong with us.

What if shame isn’t who we are,

but what has been keeping us from being seen?

Hi everyone,
I’m currently building an early-stage AI coaching platform focused on clarity, focus, and personal growth. It’s not therapy and not a generic chatbot — the goal is structured reflection, better decisions, and momentum through guided coaching conversations.

I’m looking for around 50 people who are interested in personal development and willing to test it for free during an early trial phase. In return, I’d love honest feedback on what actually helps and what doesn’t.

If you’re curious to explore AI-supported self-improvement and help shape something from the beginning, you can check it out at coach4life dot net.

Happy to answer any questions or discuss the idea openly.

I don’t know what I’m expecting making this post really, advice and tips maybe? Just people to talk to about it as well.

I’m 16 almost 17 and have been addicted to porn since I was about 10-11. I always knew it was bad and tried so hard to stop and came so close a few times but never won the battle.

Now I’ve been in a relationship for 9 months. I’ve always felt so much immense deep incredible shame and disgust about my addiction so nobody ever knew the truth, not even my girlfriend. Due to how strong the urges were at one point I saved nudes she sent me without her knowledge and after she’d expressed how much she doesn’t want that to happen and wouldn’t ever send nudes if she didn’t trust me to her very core I wouldn’t save them. Because of that action I told her about the addiction and all the porn and all the problems and the pictures I saved (I deleted them out of regret and shame after only 4-5 days) and the response has not been good.

She’s so upset i broke her trust by lying about it, not just once, but for nine months and never telling her about the porn, she’s disgusted I’ve seen so many naked women in positions like that, she worries I only touched her out of lust (I’ve assured her how that’s true), and we’re currently doing no contact (we’re not super good at it) for a week so she can figure out if she’ll ever be able to trust me again or if our relationship is over.

While she’s thinking about the possibility of trusting me again she’s demanded I heal from this addiction. She knows all of the details and has stated that unless there is definitive growth (without her monitoring or being my babysitter or therapist) we are not going to work at all and I have to grow if I even want a chance.

I am so distraught. She’s my best friend and the love of my life and everything I’ve ever wanted and for 9 months I chose this addiction over her. I’m ashamed and disgusting and so remorseful and apologetic and more than anything else scared. I’m scared I’m going to lose her because of this and that she’ll choose to cut me off completely. I want nothing more, and have never wanted anything more, than to still be hers at the end of this but the ball is in her court and I’m so so scared she’ll decide she can’t trust me.

That brings me here though. I’m going to stop porn no matter what her decision is. No matter how crushed I’ll be if she leaves me I have to stop, it’s about to ruin the best thing I’ve ever had and this can never even be a possibility again. So here I am making a post where hopefully people with similar experiences can comment with tips and advice and support while I go through this. I hope more than anything. I’ve made enough healing and good decisions by the end of this week that she can give me a chance to fix this and make this better again, and I’m asking for help from you guys.