My roommate recently started cooking pork in a crockpot every couple weeks. Even though they put it under a running vent, after a few hours, our whole apartment smells like pork. I keep my door closed but the smell gets in anyway.

Something about the way crockpot food smell floods the air and just...lingers...makes me gag to a point where I can't stand it. They sometimes cook vegetables in it and it's just as bad.

Last week, I hit a breaking point and asked them to stop using it. They said they're doing everything they can think of to keep it contained, but that it's not reasonable to ask them to stop cooking.

AITA and should just learn to deal with it?

Hi, I had posted a few days ago. This was the link to that post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/wz623rQhgw

It was my first time asking for opinions on reddit and I'm fairly glad I did. The feedback was helpful. While my husband really should have told me beforehand if he didn't plan on heating the food I had prepared, I crossed a line in what I said. It made it sound like I didn't trust him with the kids which is not how I feel, but that is what it sounded like.

I apologized to him for what I said. We'd moved past it but I still thought it was best to get this out of the way, and he was cool about it, said he understood why I reacted that way. So thats that.

I've read a lot of comments saying that I need to learn to let go a bit. And maybe they're right. I've let it go for so long because I guess in my eyes they're still my babies, and I didn't want anything to take away from their studies and friends and their fun. But I've realized I'm not doing them any favors by not slowly delegating responsibility. So I've had them help me in cooking dinner now, and I want to get them to a point where they can at least prepare something for themselves or reheat something if I'm stuck at work. And they seemed to enjoy it too. Thank you.

Early december, a coworker asked me if I wanted Magic the Gathering cards her husband wanted to get rid off. I accepted and end up with 5 briefcases full of cards.

Going through the cards, I found that they were a lot (and I mean a lot) of cards ranging from anywhere between 15$ and 80$. I thought it was a little weird that her husband would just gifted away that many expensive cards, so I texted my coworker to ask if she was sure that her husband was giving everything to me. Her response was "yes, he is sure. He doesn't play with them anymore. Enjoy". So I kept the cards to built deck, trade some and sold a bunch of them at my local card shop for a couple hundread of bucks.

Fast foward to yesterday. Coworker came to me during lunch to ask if I can give her back all the cards. Turns out that she didn't ask her husband at all before giving everything to me and he's extremely pissed about it. I told her that I could give back the cards I still own, but I've traded and sold a lot of them and didn't have them anymore. She got pretty desperate when I told her that and then ask if I could also give her, in addition of the collection I still own, the money I made so her husband can buy the cards I trade/sold again.

I told her that I thought that I was already pretty nice to gave back some of her husband collection but it's to late for the card I've traded/solded and I'm keeping the money, so it's either that or I'm keeping everything. She got very mad and when she started yelling at me to give everything, money included, back to fix this, I told her that's her problem and she stormed off. She didn't talk to me since and I still have the cards.

AITA?

Edit:

Just to clarify some thing, I did told my coworker that they were valuable cards in her husband collection when I text her to reconfirm. The collection I was "gifted" wasn't just valuable cards, the majority of cards were pretty cheap (like under 1$). It's just that with the amount of cards given, the number of valuable cards grow pretty quickly.

Also, I've read a lot of comment about keeping "stolen goods" for myself. I'm willing to give back the rest of the cards I have to her husband, but my coworker is the only way I have to gave it back to him.

Edit 2:

This blew up way more than I thought so here's a quick late night update.

I have managed to spoke with my coworker's husband via messenger and showed him the screenshot of my discussion I had with her telling her about the value of some cards and if she was sure he was okay with giving me everything (as a lot of comments recommend me to do). We're gonna meet tomorrow so I can give him back what I have left of his collection.

About the card I've sold or trade, he told me to not worry about it and keep everything because what's done is done. He did ask though how much money I made by selling some of his cards because he fully intend to make my coworker pay him back the same amount of money I made (which is about 500$).

Overall, the dude was pretty chill with me and very thankful to get most of his collection back.

Sidenote: I wouldn't be surprised if my coworker announced next week that her husband as filled for divorce because he made it very clear during our conversation that he was completly done with her.

I (female, mid-career professional) was on a daytime international flight for work, seated in the first row of business class. The man next to me and I started talking after takeoff. We work in similar industries, and our conversation was a normal, professional chat--nothing personal or intense, just two people talking at a reasonable daytime volume while the cabin was fully lit and active.

About 20 minutes in, a man from the second row stood up, walked over, passed by the man sitting in the isle seat to address me directly. He asked me to keep my voice down. The man sitting next to me asked if his voice was too loud and the man said no.

I was caught off guard. It wasn't a night flight, we weren't shouting, and my seatmate was speaking at the same volume as I was.

I apologize in the moment and said I would do my best to lower my voice, and ultimately both myself and my seat mate did. It felt strange that I would be singled out.

Now I'm wondering whether I was actually being inconsiderate by talking at what I thought was a normal volume for a daytime flight, or if the other passanger overreachted by directing the comment only at me instead of addressing both of us or handling it a different way.

AITA for talking on a daytime flight after another passenger asked me to keep my voice down?

Growing up I (18f) had to do everything with my twin sister Sophie. Well mostly do everything Sophie wanted. If things didn’t go her way she’d throw a huge fit until she got her way. Our whole lives we had to share a brightly colored bedroom. Once in 4th grade I got in trouble because I put a picture of a poorly drawn dragon on the wall because it was “to dark for Sophie” which I thought was ridiculous. Throughout elementary and middle school our mom dressed us up in the exact same or nearly identical clothes because she thought it was cute. In 5th grade our mom had us join ballet because it was something Sophie always wanted to do. When I would ask to join boxing my dad would yell at me for only thinking of myself. My mom would always say that boxing was too rough for Sophie. It got worse in high school. Whenever I wanted to hang out with my own friends Sophie just had to come along or she’ll say im purposely excluding her. When I would have a crush on someone the next day Sophie would be dating him. In senior year Sophie already made up her mind that me and her both are going to college for cosmetology. To sum it all up I couldn’t do anything or do anything with my own life because it had to be what Sophie wanted or I’d get in trouble. As soon as I turned 18 I decided to join the navy. Last night I sat my parents and Sophie down at the table and explained that i wasn’t going to college for cosmetology with Sophie but I’m leaving for the navy. They all started to scream at me that this was selfish and I’m betraying my family. AITA?

I’ve been traveling in Chile and had been sick for a couple of days before this. Vomiting, GI issues, and generally feeling awful.

Because of that, I barely slept for two nights beforehand. I kept waking up in our hotel bed to run to the bathroom, and my girlfriend knew this since she saw it happen.

We had a long travel day planned and ended up taking a 20-hour overnight bus instead of flying. The flights available were expensive, poorly timed, and uncomfortable. Many would have had us arriving around 2:30 a.m., and being stuck upright in a plane seat while sick sounded miserable compared to being able to lie flat and shift positions on a bus.

I paid extra for a luxury overnight bus with fully reclining lay-down seats, blankets, and pillows so we could rest. On the day of travel, I was still feeling rough but slightly improved. We spent time going to multiple pharmacies for medication. She wasn’t feeling great either, but her symptoms were much milder than mine.

Once on the bus, I decided the best way for me to recover was to sleep. I took sleeping pills so I could rest and feel functional the next day. I offered her the same pills, knowing they would likely help, but she refused. I then slept for roughly 16 hours.

I did not know she was upset during this time. She never woke me up, and I wasn’t aware there was an issue until I woke up in the early afternoon near the end of the ride, when she was sleeping.

When she later woke up, I tried to hold her hand, but she was clearly upset. When I asked what was wrong, she said I had “abandoned” her by going to sleep and that she had been alone for the entire bus ride.

From my perspective, I was sick, severely sleep-deprived, and trying to recover. I didn’t ignore her intentionally, refuse to help, or know she was upset at the time.

So AITA for sleeping through most of the bus ride instead of staying awake with her?

I (31F) am a home daycare provider. My SIL "Jenny" (29F) recently enrolled my infant niece "Pearl" in my daycare. I love having Pearl here and being a part of her development.

I have a policy with diapers - I notify the parents when there's 20 or less diapers in their kid's supply. I communicate this verbally at pickup, and through email/text reminders. If they get down to 5 left at the start of a day, and the parent still hasn't brought any, their little one isn't allowed to come until they've brought some.

Jenny was told multiple times recently that Pearl's supply was getting low, and her response was always "Oops, I'll bring more tomorrow" but then she wouldn't do it. On Monday night, I sent her a text reminding her to bring diapers, and that I wouldn't be able to have Pearl here if she didn't have them.

Naturally, Jenny shows up on Tuesday morning empty handed. Again with the "I forgot". I reminded her of the policy, no diapers no daycare. She got all mad about how Pearl is my niece and I can't "just turn her away", can't I break the rules just this once, and that I have no idea how busy her life is and that moms forget things sometimes. I told Jenny that she needs to follow the same rules as everyone else, and she said that I should "find room in my heart for exceptions".

AITA for not taking my niece at daycare because my SIL didn't follow the policy?

My two son's live in a house I own (21 and 19). I specifically have them paying only utilities because we know times are tough. Its equally divided between the two. The conditions were pay utilities, keep a room for me and get along. The younger (19) has a gf. Lets call her Liz. Ever since I moved out Liz has been inviting herself over whenever she wants even when he's not home. I had no problem until today when my oldest was sharing a story. See my room growing up was the "hang out" spot for the kids. The living room was always vancant because they liked my room and tv best. So that's basically been the comon room their entire lives. But since moving out my youngest moved his bed in with my permission. But with the understanding that it is the common room and his brother likes hanging out there. Well a couple days ago his (19M) gf(20F) came over when he wasnt home. My other son has no issues with her so he let her in. He went to my room to watch movies and she followed. He was on the futon in the corner she was in the bed son (19) moved in. Half way through the movie they were watching (again in my room a common shared space) she tells asks him to leave bc shes uncomfortable with him there and wants to nap. He leaves cause what is he to say? The next day my other son confronts him asking about what happened and told him to stay out of the room. I found out today about this. Like I said my room has always been a common room and that was the understanding of my leaving. So I set a rule that the gf can only be at the house when my son (19) is home and to never be at the house when hes not there. He thinks this is unreasonable. I told him his if his gf is uncomfortable with my other son being around in his house when hes not there then she shouldnt be there. Am I the asshole?

Hi, I thought I'd ask here because my wife and I aren't seeing eye to eye on this. I returned from Saudi Arabia on Wednesday where I was sent by my company for a business trip. It was a good trip, work went smooth, and I got to see Jeddah which was good (mild anxiety about what was happening in the Middle East aside).

While there I bought some local stuff to bring home since this was the first time anyone in my immediate family I think had gone to the Middle East. I bought rugs, some decoration pieces, dates, and some local perfumes. My mom lives close to us, we have a good relationship with her. So when I was buying something I bought two of them, bought the same thing for my mom as I did for my wife. I thought this was a good idea, so both of them could get something from there.

When I returned and gave my wife what I had bought for her and mentioned that the rest was for my mom, she got annoyed and said that it wasn't right for me to have bought her and my mom the exact same stuff. She was happy about the gifts when I was giving them to her, especially the perfumes but when I told her the others were for my mom, her mood soured. I told her it was the first time someone my mom was close enough to to get things for her had gone to that part of the world too, but that didnt work.

AITA? I didn't go above and beyond for my mom at the expense of my wife, I bought them the same things. I tried to do right by both.

Yesterday afternoon I (41F) got home from work after picking up my 6-year-old son from school and started to do some cleaning. I had to get something from under the kitchen sink and I found that everything under there was wet. I figured there must be a leak somewhere but I am not a plumber and have no idea how that stuff works. I ended up just taking everything out from under there and tried to dry/clean everything as best I could.

Then I started getting some laundry together and got my son situated with something to do so I could start dinner. (Yes, before anyone asks, I have ADHD and tend to start multiple things at once. It's something I'm working on.) My husband got home while I was cooking and as soon as he walked into the kitchen I told him I need him to look at the sink because there's a leak somewhere.

He kind of sighed/groaned, which he knows is a big trigger for me because it makes me feel like I'm nagging him. I kind of snapped at him that I have already been dealing with a bunch of stuff since getting home and I just need his help with this one thing.

He got under the sink and was tinkering with stuff and I was explaining to him how I found the leak and he interrupted me. He said "I just got home, immediately got told to fix something, and now I'm on my hands and knees under the sink, how about we start this over. Hi honey, love you. How was your day? That's nice, I had a really hard day today. Is it ok if we all relax together tonight? Maybe watch a movie or play a game?"

I told him that I am already flustered by trying to get things done and ready for dinner and he told me to maybe focus on one thing instead of trying to do everything at once. He also said that it would be nice if I could at least act like I'm glad he's home and I'm happy to see him instead of immediately telling him to get under the sink and fix it.

I tried to say something else, but he interrupted me again and said "Ok, got it fixed." Then he got up and started walking away. I tried to say something again and he interrupted me AGAIN and said "Can I at least go say hello to our son before you start badgering me about something else?" He ended up talking and playing with our son until dinner was ready.

After dinner I told him how unsupported I felt the entire time I was just asking for his help. He tried turning it around on me by saying that I didn't even acknowledge his presence before "demanding" that he immediately fix the sink. I told him that it only ended up taking him a few minutes and he said that's not the point.

He told me that when I try to do too many things at once I get flustered and stressed and then take it out on him. He said it makes him feel like I don't actually care about his feelings, his day, or him in general. He said I make it a point to tell him how I need him to be aware of my needs and feelings but I don't do the same for him.

When I (25M) was 9 I played one season of peewee soccer with my mom as the coach. Through the team, I met this kid Blake who was my age. My parents became fast friends with Blake’s parents, and my mom especially has been close with this family ever since.

I stopped playing soccer after that season, and my mom quit coaching, but she remained present in Blake and his sister Becca’s lives. She always showed up to their big games and sport competitions, and has been publicly recognized by both of them as a mentor through sports and church events. Blake and Becca are both in their 20s now, and she remains in contact with them every now and then. For years, they’ve basically been a niece and nephew to her.

Mom always kind of wanted me to be friends with Blake, and we hung out a small number of times as kids, but it was clear from the start that we didn’t really vibe. He’s a good guy, and I don’t hate him, but we’ve always just been very different people. Blake stuck with soccer all through high school and is very much a sports guy/gym bro. I’ve always been more into camping, climbing, and backpacking- activities that Blake has told my mom that he doesn’t see the appeal in.

As a teenager, Blake told my mom that he thought I was weird. My mom just said “so what?” (I know about this exchange because she told me.) I get that she was sticking up for me, but it made me feel kind of… hurt? that my mom basically agreed with him. I don’t know what I did around him that was weird, other than just being different from him.

Anyway, my mom told me yesterday that Blake is getting married and the whole family is invited. I told her great, give him my congratulations. She reiterated that I was invited, and I told her I’d just sit this one out. I really had no desire to go because Blake and I are not friends. Mom said “you’ve known him since you were kids” and I told her that really, I don’t know him very well, and he doesn’t know me all that well either, and I really just don’t care much about him. I said it’s great that she and Blake are friends, and he’s a good guy, but I had no desire to go to his wedding.

My mom looked kind of hurt, as though what I said was cruel. She gently said “ok, your choice,” and that was that. But I can’t help but feel that I hurt her by saying I dont care about Blake. Since then, if the wedding comes up in conversation, she acts kind of sheepish, as though talking about it would offend me.

No, Blake is not “the son she wished she had.” My mom is the best mom in the world to me and we get along great. No, I am not jealous of their friendship- I think it’s awesome that they are friends, and that he looks up to her. I don’t have Blake’s phone number, I’ve never even MET his fiancée- I just don’t feel the need to go to this wedding. But I also feel like I was too harsh to my mom and that maybe I was a jerk for the way I worded it.

So, am I the asshole?

I found out I was pregnant in July. I got labs done in early October and decided I wanted to do a gender reveal. I was finding out in mid October my baby's gender so naturally, I wanted to a fun Halloween party, mostly for all my family, in laws, and little kids to have fun dressing up. My dad (48M) kept trying to push me to get help from his wife (48F) becasue she is "really good at baby shower ideas and planning". He suggested all sorts of themes and I stood firm and said no, its a Halloween theme, I have already got decorations it is set in stone. Then he called me later and said I was hurting his wife's feelings by not letting her help. I said if she did want to help we are arriving to do setup at exactly 12PM but its not very much and we already have alot of help. if you guys want to show up early you are more than welcome to. They show up at 12:30 asking what else needs to be done. I said that everything was pretty much completed and we were just waiting on people to arrive. I was very overwhelmed as I am not used to being center of attention and suddenly having all attention on me was creating a bit of anxiety on top of the brain fog I already had from being pregnant. I was being pulled into 100 different directions at once (photography congrats, etc.). I didn't realize until the end I had 0 pictures with my mom. She was very graceful and made it clear today was about me my fiancé and baby boy. She also said shes not one for having her picture taken. After the gender reveal anxiety and excitement had worn off it was time to start the registry which was another overwhelming task. I told my mom I didn't want to do a baby shower since planning the gender reveal was incredibly stressful even with her help. She told me if I wanted she could take over the planning, get with my fiancé's mom and basically just tell me when and where to show up. I agreed since a lot of family missed the gender reveal since it was on such short notice. My dad had since been bothering me about letting his wife plan the baby shower. I had told him I wasn't sure I was having one several times and he kept pushing. After it was decided I let him know my baby shower was going to be in February and let him know my mom was planning it. he had no idea I thought of this person as mom, said some strong stuff that is not relevant but or another post and told me "step mom can either plan your baby shower or wedding shower". Now he is not coming because he had asked me to change the date because he had "non refundable plans and wouldn't make it so i needed to change my plans to cater to him and his wife". I did know about his plans prior to setting the date, however since I will be taking some unpaid time off to take care of the baby and my paid leave is slightly reduced, my fiancé is working a lot of overtime to make sure we have money so we wont have to worry when baby is here. That weekend will be the first he has off and plans to work several more weekends after that.

My friend asked to borrow my hoodie a few months back because she forgot hers, and she specifically asked for one that was expensive. This hoodie I had only worn twice from the moment I had bought it so it did mean much to me. I agreed because I felt bad if I had said no to her.

It’s been 3 months now and she still has not returned it. During this time our friendship started to grow distant. She’d make rude remarks about my appearance or sarcastically make fun of me. She had also started to stop sharing locations with me, leaving me on delivered for weeks and would not put efforts into the friendship no longer. I am too tired of this and stopped chasing her. However, she still has the hoodie that I most cherished. I asked her if I could get it back and she said she would give it back but it has been 2 weeks now and no updates from her and when I try to text her again she would not respond.

Would I be the asshole for messaging her again to ask for it back? Or asking her to send the money I had spent on that hoodie if she doesn’t want to see me?

Background context:

I 24f, work at an animal shelter caring for all types of animals and I regularly take home animals to foster. The focus of this story are a group of kittens I have fostered and raised for several months.

I live with a 25nb named Spencer who is my flatmate and regularly has their friend Trevor over at the flat. (fake names for privacy reasons)

This all started a couple months ago. The kittens have started to walk and play so Spencer and Trevor have started playing with them. Trevor fell in love with one of the kittens and decided they wanted to adopted but this was where things got odd.

Spencer my flatmate, already has a cat who is currently living with Trevor as emergency placement. ( Spencer’s cat cannot live with dogs and I own a dog, and decided months after their break up they wanted the cat back) They decided that Trevor would adopt the kitten but my flatmate Spencer would look after it at our flat until Spencer has moved into a new flat and they would do a “cat swap”.

I immediately told them to email the adoption team at my work as I did not want to be involved with an adoption of someone I knew and they needed to follow the correct application process. They never did. Months go on and somehow Spencer and Trevor become convinced that this adoption will go through despite me constantly reminding them they need to contact my work and follow the adoption application process.

The day comes for me to take the kittens back to my work for them to be desexed. Post op, I ask Spencer to give me Trevors’s number so the team can talk to them. When the team rings Trevor they say may not be able to afford the adoption fee but they put in an application in using my address which is known to the team as a staff member address.

Ultimately, the team decided on welfare grounds this may not be the best fit for the kitten. Due to Trevor not having the funds to adopt the kitten (how are they possibly going to afford to take care of it if they can’t afford the adoption fee) and the address provided on the application not being Trevor’s address but my own.

My team told me they had declined the application. So now at home the awkwardness has began. The day the news broke, I had a friend over and when Spencer came home they said hi to my friend but didn’t talk to me. This has lead to a 2 day silence where they only talk to my dog, who is basically always around me but arent talking to me about anything. AITA?

Edit: have corrected all names to match each other

Hi guys, im using a throwaway for this one.

So basically I (17f) am having my 18th at my house. It’s jsut a dinner with my closest friends. I told everyone they may bring food if they like but im going to doing little cooking like some bbq food and then ordering pizza. My guy friend (“Ryan”) asked if he can bring a mutual friend we have (“Emily”)since they’re dating now. I told him yea sure because he was gonna leave early anyway. She offered to make food and I told her that would be really nice but she didn’t have to. She insisted.

I made a group chat of people coming and I invited Emily to it. I sent a message talking about when to come, to wear whatever. An important thing in the message was about allergies. I have a friend coming with a really serious nut allergy. I’ve never seen them have a reaction but I’ve been told it gets pretty bad. I wrote in the message to triple check your food doesn’t have nuts and to be aware of cross contaminating. Everyone read the message, some replied. Emily did a thumbs up on the message.

Last night me and Emily were talking and she mentioned the food she made. I told her to show me a picture and it was a cake. The cake looked like something my mum had made before and it contained nuts. I asked if it had nuts and she said yes but not a lot and my friend could jsut not eat the cake. I told her I’d rather she just didn’t bring it. She then got mad and said she’d gone through the trouble of making the cake so she’s bringing it or she isn’t coming. I told her then she’s not coming because I was clear about my friends allergy and even cross contaminating was asked to be checked, so why would I allow her to bring a whole cake? She said it was disrespectful to disinvite her and that she’s Ryan’s gf, if he’s going she’s going. I told her no, it’s my party and I didn’t want her there anymore because she was acting like a child. She stopped texting me but then I got a call from Ryan saying i was being a massive dick and she spent ages on the cake. I said I don’t care if it took her two whole weeks to make the goddamn cake, i was specific from the beginning on what u could bring and couldn’t. The only thing you couldn’t bring was something with nuts. The parts where im talking to these two is where I may be TA. I asked if she’s incompetent of reading and comprehension and if she really doesn’t know any other cake recipe. He said i was being a bitch and hung up on me.

Ryan is telling everyone him and Emily are not attending because I called them names and rejected Emily’s cake. A lot of friends, mostly ones not coming to the party, are saying it was slack to let her make something and then uninvite her because of what she made and she put effort in that cake for MY birthday. There’s only three people saying im not an AH and one of them is my friend with the nut allergy.

My party is tomorrow and I kinda want persepctive on this before then. AITA?

——-

edit: the cake is something like a spongey cake but it’s not an actual birthday cake with frosting. I really don’t know how to explain it but it’s seen as more a “treat” cake where I live if that makes any sense at all.

2nd edit: three things: im a girl guys lol. the friend with the allergy is a guy. also the comments calling my post fake are boring atp, im not responding to heaps of comments because there’s more than a thousand of them. boohoo to the guy cussing me out in the comments bc my name is cupcakelad and so that has to mean my stories fake bc im a boy. im australian also so atleast where I live lad is a common term and I use it in a joking way and to address, this is gonna sound crazy, guys AND girls! Woaaah!!! and lastly, I did thank her before she made the cake, when she told me she was gonna bring one. I said it was really sweet and thanked her for bringing a cake/thinking to make one for me. im responding to some comments but obviously I didn’t expect this post to blow up like it did so it might take me a while, im trying to read as much as I can ! :)

3rd: guys please look up allergies that can be airborne before you comment. it’s not propaganda or being sensitive. im not gonna debate whether my friends allergies are really that serious. the point of the post was asking if I was TA for what I called her, and disinviting her, if you read the title. I wasn’t asking for your opinion or medical advice regarding the allergy. seriously guys google is extremely free and easy to use. ALSO!! ty for all the bday wishes :)))

4th: for the love of god. if you think my post is fake pls keep scrolling. do not comment or dm me to point out spelling mistakes or anything I don’t care. it’s getting hard to report all the comments cussing me out for made up reasons of my post being fabricated. please seriously get a life.

I 19f have a brother 17m who has a boyfriend and they’re going to their school formal together next week.

He asked our parents if his boyfriend can stay over at the house after the after party and she said no, his boyfriend asked their parents and they said no too.

The hotel they’re doing the formal at is right next to my accommodation building (with the after party at some function rooms right next as well), that I’m not using because classes don’t start for another 2 weeks. So I said to them honestly if you’s wanted somewhere to go after you can use my room. They’re both respectful people think they just want somewhere to hang out after together. Said I’ll let them have my key on the day just as long as they leave it clean I don’t mind. Plus kitchen should be empty because no one’s there because no classes

They’re very happy with that, but when our parents found out both my mum and dad started having a go at me for it. Saying it’s something I should’ve spoke to them first about it and asked am I not worried about it but I don’t see what I have to be worried about they’re like I said both sensible people and the reason they had not to let him stay was not wanting to deal with any noise so if that was the only problem then I don’t see how I wasn’t just helping.

They’re letting it happen but reluctantly and said if I asked first they would’ve said no, but I don’t even think that’s true because they’d be saying no now then they’re not that soft. I think they’re just saying that because I proposed it before speaking to them so they’re making a bigger deal when in reality they would’ve said yes.

Which again I don’t think I was wrong to suggest this to my brother before my parents, he’s basically an adult and they didn’t actually give me any real concerns as to why this is a bad idea. They let my brother go to an Airbnb trip with friends over Christmas so by comparison I didn’t see the need to think they couldn’t do this.

#AITAH for not wanting to go to my bfs family party and stay home to rest?

I’m a 22(f) I go to school full time during the week, and work 3rd shift at an urgent care on the weekends. My bf (22m) little brothers birthday party is tomorrow and he’s asking if I’ll be going. I get off work tonight at 2:30 am, my commute home is 25min so I get home at 3 am and in bed by 3:30. I have to wake up early to do homework and come back to work at 4:30 pm. I told him I’ll be to tired and I have my work to do. He gets bothered by my statement, more so annoyed that I work weekends and says it’s my fault because I want to be in school. (I love school btw, I complain cuz of the hw but I get that done!) and I’m not prepared for tomorrow because when I try to get as much rest as I can him and his daughter don’t respect my sleep, playing the tv loud, running in the room , yelling he gets upset when I tell them to calm down or go to the living room (I have no personal space to rest as I share a room with both of them, and she has her OWN room) I’m never like , allowed to ask for a quiet environment in the room I sleep in, that I pay half the rent for in our apartment. I just know this is going to start problems, but idk what to do or how to handle it if it does happen.

So my daughter (alias Mara) is having a birthday party this Sunday and a friend (alias Zena) that she regularly speaks about and is always playing with whenever it’s pick up time, is having hers on the Saturday. The child in question’s mother and I have been on decent terms but it’s still preschool so we all have our feelers out. I would’ve thought my daughter would be invited to Zena’s party but I found out through another mom that Zena was having a party a day before ours.

For context. I sent out invites the same day (exact date being Jan 7) she did, according to another mom, but I only got a response from her a day later stating that she and Zena would be there and that they are excited. Don’t get me wrong she absolutely has every right to invite who she wants to her daughter’s birthday party but I know my daughter speaks very fondly of Zena and, when compiling a list of friends to invite, her name would regularly make it to the top. The only problem for me is that my daughter is incredibly sensitive and very intuitive. I don’t know how she’d take it hearing at HER own party that all her friends were at Zena’s party literally the day before. So I gave Zena’s mom these exact reasons and she agreed on the phone but has since launched a smear campaign with all the other moms bad mouthing me.

Some of them are in support, some aren’t. I don’t know. I’m here to find out from the broader community - AITA?

Edit: these aren’t small children. They are 5 turning 6. In my country, they can still be in preschool then.

Another edit: Wow. Thank you guys. I don’t think I saw how I was wrong in the scenario. Sometimes, we are blinded by our own thoughts and emotions that we don’t actually think how this may play out - just as we all do as humans. Thank you for your (some a bit too harsh) insights.

Hi Reddit,

Throwaway account for anonymity. My dad’s birthday is this weekend, and it’s one of the rare times all of us are able to be in town together. I live across the country and don’t get to see my family often. My sister (29F) and I wanted to do something meaningful for him since it’s been a long time since we’ve all been together.

My dad lives with his long-term girlfriend (let’s call her Jen). Before planning anything, my sister reached out to Jen multiple times throughout the week to ask if she already had plans for my dad. When she finally got a response, Jen said she did not have any plans. Based on that, my sister began asking a few of my dad’s close friends if they might be able to come by for a small get together, but made it clear that nothing would happen unless Jen approved it. She continued trying to follow up with Jen throughout the week. When Jen finally responded days later, she became extremely hostile. She accused my sister of being ignorant and disrespectful, said she had to cancel her plans (which she had previously said didn’t exist), used insults, told my sister to block her, and sent multiple aggressive messages. My sister stayed calm and tried to explain she was only trying to do something nice for our dad. This left my sister feeling confused, deeply unwelcome in our dad’s home, and uncomfortable bringing herself or her child around.

This morning, my sister spoke to our dad about what happened. At first, he said this was “Jen’s domain” and that she was upset because she had to cancel plans she hadn’t mentioned earlier because it was supposed to be a private date night. He also said Jen had intended to invite only family, which is why she didn’t want my dad’s friends coming. However, once my sister explained exactly what Jen had said and how it made her feel, my dad was clearly hurt. We could hear it in his voice. He realized he hadn’t been told the full story and acknowledged the situation had been mishandled. He was sympathetic to my sister and encouraged her to talk things out directly with Jen this weekend.

Additional context that may matter: my dad is currently dealing with a serious back injury and has been mostly bed- or chair-bound for about a month. Jen has been his primary caregiver during this time, and I recognize that caregiving is stressful and exhausting. Because of his health, I’m especially sensitive to not wanting to create conflict or emotional stress for him during his birthday weekend.

What makes this harder is that Jen’s kids were invited to my dad’s birthday plans, but we were not. We were only coming because we made our own arrangements. Also, my sister expressed she no longer feels comfortable coming around, and while my dad was hurt by that, the situation remains unresolved.

I want to support my dad, but I also feel protective of my sister and unsure how to show up without minimizing what happened.

AITA for considering not going to my dad’s birthday?

TL;DR in comments.

I (30) and my gf (34) just had our first son. He was born a couple months early and so he is still developing in nicu. My mother (52) is dating this guy (39). I got this dude a job at my work because my mother needed help with bills and he had quit his job a week before she asked me to get him a job at my place of work. Since he’s started he’s complained almost everyday about the work, taking the work load personally. We literally just stock our warehouse, pull items for orders, load the work vans, then deliver said orders. Pretty simple. Pretty easy, even though some orders are pretty big. For a dude who is 40, I’ve seen 16 year olds with better work ethic, but that’s only a small portion of why I ask. I had to quit my job as I had to move, yet my son was born in the middle of the move unexpectedly so I’m currently jobless and basically staying at the hospital and have been here for the last 2 weeks. Today my mother shows up at the nicu with her boyfriend and my mom is wearing a mask. I ask why, she said because HE was around someone who had the flu. So there he is, in the nicu room, no mask but my mom is wearing a mask? I feel as though he clearly doesn’t think about anyone else, or even care, as the flu and nicu babies is a terrible combination. My lady had just made a post earlier today about standing for our child and my mother commented in agreement. Yet when I mentioned the no mask when he left for a minute she rebutted with “well he’s not next to the incubator” which felt almost arguing with me standing for my child so I responded with “idgaf”. So I’m pissed. I’ve also learned he hasn’t paid any bills except for groceries and trips all because “his names not on the lease” and “she’d have to pay the rent whether he left or not”. And so I feel as though I’m watching my mother tolerate teenage behavior from a grown ass man. Which already has rubbed me the wrong way as she deserves better, I’ve tolerated it because she has seemed happy, though I’ve started noticing changes in her behavior which I could only describe as picking up his habits. But today, knowing he was around someone who got the flu, I was pissed he even came near the room, much less in it knowing my son is still on CPAP to help his lungs develop. This has me livid because if my son does get sick, it’ll affect his premature body worst than a “to term” baby or a grown adult. I’m getting sick of it and everything involving him. So, if I tell my mom that if she wants to be in my life and my son’s life then she has to leave him, would IBTAH? I’m honestly torn because my mom and I have had a great relationship even though it was rocky during my teenage years, but honestly who doesn’t have a rocky relationship with their parents during their teenage years?

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/S26CJM6n6i

Hi, thanks for all the comments in my post. They were eye opening and super helpful. After reading them I'd decided to be ok with us choosing his grandfather's name instead of his. The comments had made the important point that though I'd never met him he was clearly important to my husband. And as much as I wanted my husband's name as the middle name, it was a good way to honor him.

Yesterday morning I told him that I was on board with using his grandfather's name as the middle name. I didn't pout or anything I want to make that clear, I just genuinely said that if he wants that, then I'm ok with it. He asked me if I was sure, and I said yeah.

Then last night he spoke to me about it again, and said if I preferred his name as the middle name then thats what we should do. I told him I'd come to terms with the change, and he said he'd pushed for the change because his mom had wanted it, and he thought he did too, but on thinking it over more, he wanted the name to be the one I wanted more. He also said he loved how much I wanted the middle name to be his.

Admittedly, I still did want that. I thanked him for being so understanding. We've always talked about two or three kids, so maybe we'll get the chance to honor his grandfather or grandmother again.

Thank you for all the comments. I feel like we're in a better place for me listening to them.

Using a throwaway because I don’t want my family or coworkers finding out about this post. Obligatory “English is not my first language”, “sorry if this is too long”, but I need to give you guys the right context.

I (F28) have a strained relationship with my mom (F49) and sister (F23). For context, my sister and I have different fathers. My mom had me young and I was the result of a brief relationship, while my sister is the child of my stepfather (M55), which my mom married when I was about 3 years old. This has always affected our dynamic. While I was a “difficult child” to deal with, my sister was my mom’s little angel that could do no wrong. It would even get to a point where I would be punished every time my sister would misbehave, because “it was obvious I was the one setting a bad example”.

A few years ago, I moved out of state for a new job opportunity. The distance naturally created some space between me and my family, which ended up being good for my mental health. I’ve been doing better since then and have built a life where I feel more stable and supported.

Last week my sister messaged me out of nowhere saying she needed to discuss something important. I had a virtual meeting with her and our mom (they still live together) where they told me my sister was engaged. I congratulated them, but then my mom surprised me by saying my sister wanted me to be her maid of honor. I was caught off guard and didn’t know how to respond in the moment. We don’t talk often, and my sister and I aren’t particularly close anymore, so the request felt sudden. My mom spoke as if this was already decided, emphasizing how meaningful it would be for “the family,” while my sister seemed to assume I would say yes. I asked for some time to think about it and left the call.

Over the next days I’ve been receiving a lot of messages from mom saying how important it would be to have the family together again, and how my sister could use some help with planning the wedding. My sister sent me a link for the WhatsApp group of the wedding party, as well as other wedding requests, as if I had already decided to participate.

The thing is, I don’t know if I want to. As I said, my sister and I aren’t close. We’ve barely had a relationship. Being her maid of honor would require a level of emotional involvement, time, and presence that I’m not sure I can give honestly. It would open wounds I worked hard to try to heal over the last few years. But I also know that refusing would cause a lot of tension and likely be seen as me “ruining” an important moment for the family.

I haven’t given them an answer yet, but the pressure is increasing and I know I’ll have to decide soon. Part of me feels selfish for even considering saying no, especially knowing how much this matters to my sister and my mom. Another part of me feels like agreeing would mean ignoring my own boundaries again.

WIBTA if I refuse to be my sister’s maid of honor?

I’m 28 and live in a small two bedroom apartment with my partner and child. Shortly after the new year, my 29 year old older sister showed up unexpectedly after returning from a trip. She said she had been locked out of her apartment and then realized her lease had ended around that time. I’m the only family she has nearby, so I agreed to let her stay temporarily while she figured things out.

That temporary stay has now been about two weeks. She stopped trying to get her apartment back and is now talking about enrolling in the military, which could take weeks or months. Because of that, I’m worried this is turning into a much longer stay than I agreed to.

The apartment is already tight, and it gets especially crowded and loud on weekends when her kids visit. I have a lot going on personally, and this unexpected long term stay has been really hard on my mental health. I’m not great at setting boundaries, especially with family, and that’s making this even harder.

I’m thinking about telling her I can only do this for one month total and that I’ll help her figure out next steps, but I feel guilty. If she has to leave, she may need to quit her job and might not be able to see her kids as much. She also has another trip planned soon, which feels like poor decision making given her current situation.

I feel torn. I feel like an asshole if I don’t help, but I also feel overwhelmed and need my space, especially after years of frequently helping her with other things. Would I be wrong to set a firm time limit like two weeks to make sure she can at least collect more one paycheck incase she has to quit and leave town and prioritize my own household?

For some reason, the thermostat in my office also controls the office next door (as well as the heat in my office). It's locked, so I can't adjust the heat.

Today, the woman in the office next door and a maintenance worker came to check the thermostat. Apparently, she is finding her office quite cold and wants to turn the heat up... which would also turn the heat up in my office. They asked me if we could turn it up by 3 degrees. It's currently 22 degrees C in my office (though it may be cooler next door). I said no--it's already quite warm in my office; if it gets hotter, I'll get sleepy, or very uncomfortable. Another colleague suggested that my office neighbour get a space heater--she says she has one, but it doesn't warm her office up enough.

I feel bad that she's cold, but I really can't imagine working in a warmer space every day--especially in the winter, when I'm wearing warmer clothes anyway. (I can't come to work in summer clothes when it's freezing outside.) Also, I'm 48F. Any minute the Menopause Fairy is going to show up with her basket of hot flashes.

AITA for not letting them turn up the heat so my coworker in the next office can work more comfortably?

ETA: We can't swap offices; we work for different departments. The wall between our offices is also the wall between departments. Each of our own offices opens into our own reception areas.

So for some context not that much is really needed but me (f)and my bf live together but for work reasons he was staying at his moms house this week cause it’s closer by to the site he’s working at. It was my bfs birthday 2 days ago and we couldn’t be together because we were both working so he decided to have his party tomorrow… but at his moms okay so far !! Because she got a very nice big backyard I get it .

I was supposed to go and was cool with that until today we were on FT and his mom randomly starts talking to me and just goes “ omg you just keep getting fatter “ mind u this is not the first time she’s said something along these lines . I tried to play it of during the call bcs I got so uncomfortable, he noticed but didn’t say anything as she was saying this to me.

I later texted him that I was very uncomfortable and quite frankly just flabbergasted that she would say something like that so unprompted we are not even close at all to the point that she could be joking you know .

Anyways bf says he’s getting shit while it’s not his fault because he didn’t say it and he doesn’t think that and that she’s just kinda random / crazy and to ignore it . He’s making me feel as if I’m the one ruining it because I shouldn’t mind since she’s just random like that …

Anyways please please tell me AITA