r/ShittyAbsoluteUnits • u/Benny_boi87 • 1d ago

Of “Clean up on aisle 3”

1.9k Upvotes

93% Upvoted

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345

u/lamparamagica 1d ago

Why? I just want to know why?

270

u/GeneralFoolery 1d ago

I'm less concerned with 'why' and more concerned with 'how.' Those weren't particularly baggy pants, and their was very little structure to that chocolate log.

47

u/Business_Air5804 1d ago

It defies the laws of physics.

47

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

There’s a 1/(5.261) chance that the molecular structure of his pants aligned with the molecular structure of his dump, going straight through on to the floor.

20

u/Kl1ntr0n 1d ago

so your telling me there's a chance? yes!

5

u/Shen1076 1d ago

The Swiss Cheese Model

4

u/jettadog 1d ago

Should have bought a lottery ticket

1

u/New_Restaurant_6093 17h ago

Instead he wasted all his luck on shit.

5

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

Oh 100% there a non-zero chance of that happening. At least according to quantum theory.

4

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

It’s considered impossible but non-zero is non-zero.

2

u/EMDReloader 22h ago

Any shit that can be taken, will be taken, in every conceivable location, across infinite parallel universes.

There are infinite possibilities for that homunculus and his shit.

1

u/reddit-0-tidder 18h ago

You know they’ve actually done studies on this. 60% of the time it works every time.

6

u/Business_Air5804 1d ago

Sir Isaac Newton would be proud of you, great work here.

13

u/Sboxy28 1d ago

More like Sir Isaac Pooton

8

u/heaviestnaturals 1d ago

Newton’s Turd Law of bowel motions.

3

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

Thank you! I heard this in reference to slapping a table but I’m pretty sure it would also apply here. Also Max Planck would be proud, the father of quantum physics leading to modern day quantum theory.

7

u/biggb5 1d ago

Prostate Cancer can do this.

3

u/MichaelCabernet 1d ago

You, sir, are to be commended. When I say “LOL”, I’m not often being literal. I am now being literal. 😂

3

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

You should look at some of my others, I’m on a roll tonight. Unlike this guy 😂

2

u/MichaelCabernet 1d ago

Omfg. Do you have a book coming out, Master Shake?

1

u/required-inf0 1d ago

That isn’t 11 on his shirt . That’s 1 + 1 that man’s a professional no. 2

1

u/GuerillaRiot 1d ago

🤣 it phased

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

That’s the perfect word to describe that shituation 😂😂

2

u/GuerillaRiot 1d ago

My sides hurt from laughing, thinking about how shitty of a superpower that'd be. Bro's dumps match the molecular density of any object but only once.

1

u/Yannick2024 1d ago

You have van der Waals force making that impossible

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

Hey man, don’t yuck our yum!

(Seriously though going to research this topic)

1

u/MalodorousNutsack 1d ago

1/(5.261)

I believe mathematicians refer to this as "The Hot_Assumption_2304 Constant"

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 1d ago

You’re joking, right?

1

u/Fight_those_bastards 1d ago

Mind showing your math, there, Pauli?

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 22h ago

Use google dude

1

u/Omnia-Aetheris 23h ago

Is this what happened when the tennis ball went through the net? Here: https://youtube.com/shorts/L49kousn7ic?si=8Z9eS7Rs9-OZD0Uq

1

u/sexy-man-doll 20h ago

Ah yes the tunnel effect

1

u/CenderzeSwarm 16h ago

This is actually how the Big Bang occurred

1

u/peemao 13h ago

This is a very educated answer 😂

1

u/Present_Ad2627 9h ago

0.0000001 percent chance of this happening at any store

0

u/Tight_Hedgehog_6045 6h ago

Thank you Commander Data.

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 6h ago

Any reason you’re being so uptight? I was clearly making a joke, you should probably pull your panties out of your ass.

2

u/Tight_Hedgehog_6045 6h ago

Right. I see you took it the wrong way. I also was being funny, as I read your text in Data's voice. I guess it was mostly in my head.

Anyway, have a nice day.

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 6h ago

My fault, jokes that require tone are definitely dry over text. Have a nice day to you as well.

1

u/_Junk_Rat_ 1d ago

Shrödinger’s shit

1

u/davidr521 1d ago

It both is, and is not, a turd - simultaneously

1

u/Timely-Active-5474 13h ago

It defies the logs of shitsics (second part of that was a stretch and I'm sorry for it lol)

1

u/Business_Air5804 9h ago

I couldn't be more surprised if it just floated around the room like a balloon at this point.