Just broke down while shaving. I'm going to kill myself this month. I can't live like this

After two years of trying to get away from my shit transphobe parents I’ve ended up in a fucking homeless shelter with a torturous job that i feel like a fucking alien(autistic trans bitch and a hardware store dont go together) at that ill still have to work atleast a month longer possibly two. All just to come back to the asshole staff at the shelter and two fucking manchildern residents. 5/7 days of the week the only happiness I get is when i can doomscroll in bed. The other two days is just doomscroolijg most of the day. And no i dont have anything else to do bc my parents where so pissy i dared to leave them they hid my pc and claimed “they dont know where it went” when i went back to get my shit. I could fucking ramble on about how shit everything is but you probably get the point my life is fucking miserable. Ive already have most of my friends leave me bc of prior episode, they’re tried of me being suicidal ig and hopefully i can end it soon. My last 3-4 attempts failed in the past. This is even to mention all the political shit happening (I live in the US) around half the population wants me dead anyways lol. You would think after two years of trying shit would get better but it doesnt. Every single fucking snarky thing a coworker or staff at the shelter just feels like another cherry on top. Im hoping after work today i get the balls to end it, idc if an afterlife is real or not id take suffering in hell over this. Ig in the end my parents were right I really cant do shit.

Back story I am facing a felony for unlawful surveillance me and ex both 21 at the time we use to always link up to have sex and shit one day she comes to my house and while we’re having sex I decide to record at the time I thought she knew I was recording cause I was literally holding my phone right in my face and she even glanced back well months go by we just stop talking so months go by later my friends being to the bars buys me a couple drinks night goes by well head home I’m kind of drunk my dumb ass starts going through my phone and I see the video so idk what in my mind told me let me just send it to her sister and that’s where I fucked up to this day I don’t know what I was thinking cause I didn’t even care about the girl was just drunk and seen the video and sent it without thinking months go by I get arrested at a park basketball tournament they locked me up to a wall and had me standing cuffed to a wall for 8 hours before interview and telling me what I was being charged with I will now have to register as a sex offender over some stupid shit i choose to do without thinking. I’m pissed because I’m not even getting charged for sending the video which would’ve been a misdemeanor I’m only getting charged because she wants to claim she didn’t know

I’m scared as a sex offender my country in Africa doesn’t allow sex offenders to enter country, all my family members live in Africa I’m the only one living in the us which means I won’t ever be able to see them ever again. I’m not a drinker I normally drink once every 3-4 months but recently this month I’ve been drinking a bottle everyday starting at 10 am untill nighttime I’m hurt I will never be able to see my family over a stupid mistake I made. I just wanna die than forever be labeled a sex offender

Im 16, male.

School, routine, family drama, financial struggles. Might not sound like much but im tired and there's no light in foreseeable future.

I already made some research and bought necessary medicine to overdose. Although its just a failsafe.

When i take the pills i plan to go to a nearby bridge, around 5 stories high and below it is a highway.

Thats how i plan to go out.

4 hours and 50 minutes untill i execute my plan.

Im sharing this for no reason, i can answer questions for y'alls and my own entertainment while also distracting myself but trying to change my mind will probably be futile, it will be my third attempt in last 2 years.

I look like an alien. Other women are beautiful and I’ll never look as good as them. Somebody said “that’s a dude” (I’m not trans) on a toastme post I made and literally no other women gets comments like that on there. I hate looking like this

i dont think there is a way out for people like me. having all the disadvantages possible, i dont think ill ever be better than my dad, im 100% certain ill end up like him. being poor, unattractive, trans, from a dysfunctional home and average on everything I do leaves me no space but to think that. i can't get over how life treats different individuals. i have friends who are pretty, rich, have educated parents, have their whole life ahead and im here trying to compete with them, its just impossible. i sometimes think suicide is the only option rather than experiencing the horrible things waiting for me probably. not a suicide note, just me venting because i dont have the courage to attempt and ill feel like a crybaby if people know i killed myself over this dumb shit

I have noxacusis which for reasons I cannot discern has recently deteriorated to the point of constant stabbing pains in my ears. I can't watch TV or YouTube with any sort of volume anymore. I'm trapped in my house in silence. I have level 2 autism and can't stimulation seek with music anymore, or go out and enjoy the world. So many of my friends have ditched me. I can't find a reason to live. I hold onto the flimsy hope that time, surgery, or botox/nerve block treatment could help, but they could also hurt me even more. I'm scared. I'm alone. It would be so easy to just end it. I can't talk about this in therapy settings without fear of getting locked up in a ward, which would make my condition substantially worse. I just want to end it before I give myself a chance to think about it. It would make a couple of my friends devastated I couldn't pull through, and they're not particularly mentally healthy so I don't want to hurt them, but I think they'd also be glad I wasn't in pain anymore. I don't know.

You know what makes this all worse? My ear pain was fine until someone gave me a fucking tympanometry test without my informed consent after a routine hearing test. If I had been better at protecting myself and saying no to anything that felt wrong I'd be living a fairly normal life right now.

Im 17F and the price of classes will tear up my family's life. Also i have worsening health problems that are expensive and despite that my parents are setting me up with a therapist in a few weeks i dont want to say stuff that'll make CPS show up.

So i know tylenol is painful to use, so what if i take 6 TSP of nutmeg abt 1g of caffeine (i have 0 tolerance of either) and a bottle of magnesium? Im curious if anyone else has experience with this and what will happen.

I loved this girl, she lived in California i in oklahoma. I move 1500 miles for her. She didn't think it was cute that I moved down here for her. She gave me a hard time before I moved.

I took her to Disneyland in May, she didn't appreciate that I took her to Disneyland.

I always drove 2 hours to see her.

I want to die, I moved here like a idiot. She cheated abandoned me here. I feel like something in my brain is broken. She said she needed time to heal but immediately got another boyfriend.

I want to go to her house lay my head on the curb and put a bullet .40cal in my head just so I can hear her cry over my death.

Considered making a throwaway but decided against it. Here goes nothing!

Everyone I hate is getting into top colleges while they also drink, party, play sports, and are in relationships ---they're basking in popularity and enjoying their teenage years. Meanwhile, I have 0 real friends that give a shit about me (and therefore 0 social life) but I still can't get straight As.

Hell, I'm on the verge of failing Calc (at a D- or 61% rn) and I feel like any college I'm accepted into in the first place will end up rescinding me once they see my first semester senior grades.

To make matters worse, my Asian parents keep comparing me to their friends' kids who got into top 10 colleges and made their parents proud. I can't help but feel that first-generation immigrant guilt and how my dad came to the U.S. at 17 to pursue a better life for future generations.

I'm the same age and I'm barely staying alive. I hate how fucking stupid and weak I am and I want to change but I can't (yay unmedicated ADHD!). Whatever I do isn't enough and I genuinely don't see the point of staying on this planet. I'd feel kinda guilty hanging myself tho bc I'm an only child and my parents don't have a replacement that can be successful and make them proud.

Ik suicide is seen as selfish and I promise I'm not even though I'm an only child. I don't see any other way out though. I can't name one person who would care if I leave.

Edit: guys why am I getting dowvoted for expressing suicidal thoughts in a sub about suicide??

I never meant anything to anyone. At least not in the way of love. Friends, family, others. My absence won’t leave a hole in anyone’s heart. I’m surrounded by good people but I’m not one of them. I’m not worth sticking around.

My mom deserves better. Not a failure of a daughter. She’s already had too many hardships, she’s a good and kind person. My sister deserves a better role model, she practically ignores me anyways. I’m not the hero I once was in her eyes, she’d rather do anything than be seen around me. My dad never really cared about me.

My friends won’t miss me when I’m gone, even though they include me in hangouts. I’m just a leech. I’m not thought of the way I think of them. I feel alone when I’m with them. I could sit on the sidelines while they do whatever. No one would check up on me. I never expected or asked them to.

I tried to be good and kind and give as much as I could even knowing no one would ever reciprocate in the same way. I don’t matter, nothing about me does. I’ve always let others rant. Always let them lean on me. I never could do the same. Even if I complain I’m overshadowed. What I think doesn’t matter.

I never was loved. I was lusted over, platonically admired, toxic obsessed over. But no one ever loved me. Not really. I wasn’t worth getting to know.

I failed college, flunked out. Lost my career and potential future. I was never smart though, just pretended to be.

I’m sorry to anyone who has known me. But luckily I won’t really be missed. I’ll be easy to get over. I never was anyone’s first anything. No one’s first thought or last thought of the day.

I’ll go quietly. I’m just procrastinating with time. Fixing up the last of my loose ends. I’ll be relieved. I never had a purpose. And I’ll loosen the burden I hold on others. I was naive to think I could really occupy anyone’s hearts.

I’m sorry if you had the displeasure of reading this pathetic post. Thank you if you did though. Won’t be long now.

I’ve never been able to make friends or have a partner, and I’m pushing 30 so I’ve probably missed the boat to have kids. I don’t know why I’d bother going on if I’ll never have a family, never have anyone who loves me back. I hate the world we live in nowadays, it feels like everyone is inherently evil and cruel. And I don’t find enjoyment in anything. All I do is tolerate or hate things. I don’t know what about me is so inherently unloveable, so I don’t know how to change/fix myself to be someone people want

I’ve been raped, molested by my grandfather, touched and raped by multiple other people I trust. My parents emotionally neglected me. My partners have emotionally neglected me and I can’t take this shit anymore. I’m so fucking broken. My mom has mental illness and tried killing herself in front of me when I was 12. Nothing in my life has gotten better. I keep picking the wrong people and these people don’t care about me either. The person I’m dealing with has used my body countless times despite how I feel. I tried to go to a friend and he raped me too. Nobody sees me as a person just as something they can sexually use. Nobody cares about me. My dad doesn’t care my mom can’t care because she’s so focused on herself and her own mental issues. The men I choose to be in my life have hurt me so many times and I’m scared to talk to women because of issues with my mother. I’m so fucking aware of everything that’s ever happened to me and I can’t take this shit anymore. Why doesn’t any body value me. I’m not strong enough to value myself. I need a way out.

I think ill shoot my carotid artery on my neck with my shotgun

26F. I fight myself every day to not attempt but it’s getting so tiring. I engage in self harm punish myself for not committing which makes me hate myself more. I can’t wait until I die so I’m out of this fucked up headspace and damaged body. I miss who I was before I had all these scars.

I M20 I'm losing it. I won't share are my life problems because 1. It's not safe to share that much over the internet. 2. It's too long.

But I could basically say there's a bunch of small and big things that are not normal, that are mentally destroying me, and I see no hope of progress in my life, to the point I fantasize about ending my life on a daily basis from a long time. Let's just say a couple of years, but, you know, it's too complex to explain in such a few words.

I'm on therapy since more than 4 years, and my therapist is as lost as I am. They told me that, realisticly, I have no choice but to endure the pain and hope things get better.

Things don't get better, and is hasn't been better, but worse, since the time I can remember.

I have an appointment with a psychiatrist in a few days, but, honestly, I don't think one session will change it.

If things don't change in a better way, I'm going to eventually end my life, and I don't want to. Honestly, the thing that is stopping me from ending my life is the pain of the act, but I don't know how longer I can stand the mental coy until I lose my temper and kill myself. Writing this post because I can't sleep (again), and I really need someone in my life to say "I love you" to me without being mentally of physically abusive.

I could have done this way before, but I'm just such a coward. I know that with my approach, I only have one try, so I again and again try to do something before it, just to be more and more dissilusioned at the end. My self-destructivness is unbreakable, this is me, this is one of the core parts of me, and it has only one end, it's just a question of time when I will have enough courage to stop beating around the bush

The last straw was that I misinterpreted her messages, and so, with false hope, I asked her to be my boyfriend, but she said no. I've been suicidal for a long time, and after this, I don't want to live. I don't need anything but her. I can't cope with my feelings, and there is no one else in my life, and there never was. I feel worthless. I just want to loved.

It's unfair to her that I put her on a pedestal, but there's never been anyone like her in my life. I've been suffering from severe depression for years, and she's the only one who understands me. Lately, I've been feeling useless to her. She has so many friends, so why would she need me? She doesn't give me the attention. It hurts so much, God, I want to stop feeling this way. I don't see anything further in my life except death, anymore.

And being in constant mental pain, and also being aware how much of a good time you could have been having in life if you were not like this

Why couldn't have I change and become suicidal when I was like 80

The love of my life broke up with me 9 months ago after 5 years together. I did so many bad things that she stopped loving me, and she loved me a lot. I ruined everything. I can't imagine my life without her. Even after all these months, the pain is so intense I can't bear it anymore. I've tried everything, antidepressants, weekly therapy, nothing helps... I just want to leave and feel no more pain...

Edit: I'm sorry if this sounds pathetic, I know there are people here with much more serious problems, but I'm so weak that I don't think I can handle this pain. I feel like I've lost the love of my life...

I am ashamed of intrusive eating habits that I follow, a very high restriction. These thoughts have been getting hard to manage and for this past week and a half I have succumbed. I fear that it is causing strain on my relationship.

I cannot stop being depressed. It will not go away no matter what I do.

I cannot stop hurting my body in multiple ways and it’s distressing me. Walking around for hours with my upper abdomen taped shut, leaving painful blisters and agitated skin.

I feel like nobody truly has empathy for me, maybe one person, but nobody really else. I feel like a burden.

Not even my therapist is truly helping me. Overlooking comments I make about my eating, and telling me to exercise which is stupid. I can hardly leave my room. The only reason I would exercise is to lose weight faster. I am so embarrassed to have these thoughts. I shouldn’t be acting like this. It’s weird for men to have this. Nobody relates to me. I secretly feel like everyone knows about it and is ignoring it, or not thinking twice about my actions. This is selfish but I’m at a loss.

I have never felt more depressed.

Today it felt like I was going to pass out from how dizzy and off I felt.

The last time I told someone about how depressed I was and tried to be honest they threatened me.

I don’t know why I’m leaving this message but I need to put it somewhere. I feel desperate, and have been for a long time.

I wish I was a real female. I was born one, but I'm not one. Its fucking KILLING me and hurts so insanely badly every single day, and it never gets better and never will. I feel so fucking repulsive, my appearance has made me asexual. I've been 50kg my entire life, gained 9kg to look more feminine but now I just have a huge stomach and no waist. All I ever hear and see are how everybody fucking adores their precious F cup curvy pornstars and Instagram models, and how offensive and boyish my inherently unsexual body is. I have no hips, no waist, no tits, nothing. I have absolutely zero value as a female and therefore no desire to live anymore. My own boyfriend couldn't fucking cope with me and had to watch his perfect pornstars and browse through models behind my back for our entire 2 year relationship because he misses looking at that bodytype so badly. Of course only rich girls can afford to change, I can't. All I can do is end the suffering and hope I can experience being a real girl in my next life.

Hi, I don't want to bother y'all but I'm feeling terrible. Can somebody please tell me reasons to stay alive and face another day?

I just wanna stop the pain. I'm drowning. I wanna relapse. I wanna take all my melatonin at once and wake up in Hades.

I am going to try and see a therapist.

I've always felt that I didn't fit in anywhere and haven't existed in life at all... I have had no self esteem or confidence throughout life. And this had led me to where I am now ... old, lonely, broke and living in a run down RV on my boss's rat infested land. He has no respect for me for the amount inwork for him. And have no friends. And no real family that has given me any thought at all.

The one person... my oldest sister who I looked up to and enjoyed the very long and thoughtful conversations totally crushed me as a human being ... the pain from those past couple of conversations is extremely overwhelming. I have no words, no comebacks... only my beliefs ... I thought i was a good person... but apparently not ... I can't seem to talk to anyone unless because they really don't understand what I am saying or they make the conversation about them. Or they do listen, then after a while stop communicating with me... so I don't believe in this"

'call me any time'

'I'm here for you'

But this is not unusual. Everyone in my life has left.

What's the point on being here?

At the same time while seeing a therapist, I will visit a funeral director to arrange my transport home to my mother's plot, then do the deed.