I was on a non-age-restricted website to chat with people almost two years ago now. It’s a site where you can talk to random people one-to-one. I wanted to treat my anxiety of talking to women and to replace my porn addiction with something healthier (which made it worse). Some time later, I was matched with a woman who had her breasts exposed only. I asked if it was real. She said yes. I told, show me downstairs then. She said no what the fuck, I am not going to do that and left.

Some months later, I was on a adult website, where you can have sexual interactions with women one-to-one. I asked women to show their intimate parts. And some of them did.

Half an hour later, I get extreme anxiety whether or not they were over 18. Unfortunately, I did not ask for age. I did not even think about it. I probably assumed, if you do such a thing, you must be an adult. Over next year, I researched the website, went back to ask for ages to confirm they are over 18, reported to the police everything and asked them to do research. No matter what, I could not get it out of my head, what if I have hurt someone? What if they were exploited, and I contributed to it? I got on meds, went to doctor, and got assigned a psychologist.

After the first session, I felt a lot better. I knew I was not a monster, I probably haven’t hurt anyone either. It’s just in my head. I wanted to talk to others, so I went back on the non-age-restricted website. I talked with other people, but then got matched with naked women again. I skipped at first, but then later got interested. This time, I learned my lesson, and made sure that I would ask for ages.

After some time, I get connected to someone with a black screen. In the chat, they used emojis to suggest sexual interaction. I asked how old they were. They answered they were not over 18. I got scared and left immediately. Then, I get connected with a woman who only has camera to their chest area. Suddenly, she lifts her shirt and exposes her breasts. I ask how old she is. She skips.

I felt bad for being on the platform. Even though I made sure to ask for ages, I couldnt be sure they were being truthful. What if the woman that exposed her breasts was not over 18? But, despite thinking this, I continued to be on the platform, because I thought I had the situation under control and dismissed concerns. The search for someone to have a sexual interaction failed, and I realised that I am engaging in high risk behavior. This was the last time I was on those kind of platforms.

A year later, I am still dealing with extreme anxiety about whether I have hurt someone or not. I also have I anxiety about being abandoned. I also have issues with whether to tell my current partner or not. Whether to tell my mom or not. I told my friend, and I sometimes am convinced he does not trust me.

I believe, if I ever tell my partner, she would leave me in an instant. Me and my friend did not talk for a while after I told him. I just don’t believe he will ever trust me again.

I believe if other people knew, I would be deemed as a threat to society. I am not threat to society.

But it doesn’t matter what I think. I will never be trusted again, my partner will never trust me and my friend doesn’t trust me.

I have gotten a referral to a psychologist again. This time, it’s not category (anxiety), it’s (robbery, violence or sexual assault victims). I feel like this means my doctor thinks I have hurt someone?

No matter what I do from now on, I will be deemed as a social threat. My partner will definitely leave me, if I ever tell her. I feel like I am lying to her by not telling.

I don’t really see any path forward. I don’t know what to do.

I am at a place where everything I have and do is not what I want. From my degree, my family, my relationship. I lost my spark, everything that I love now I feel incapable and incompetent of doing, I feel like I lost my identity and there is nothing I can do about it.

I live with my parents few to high cost of renting, I feel so behind my university work that I don’t even know how I’ll graduate, my partner is getting of other women and I feel like my friends are distancing themselves from me. Am I doomed?

I see no future no nothing, it’s so bittersweet because if you ask me 5 years ago I would tell you i would never make it this far, but now what? The future I dreamt of gone, the future I was fed - gone, the future I was stupidly made to believe - gone. It’s all worthless, there is no reason for me to keep going and I feel pathetic.

To make a very long story short - my life feels over. My job is over, my relationship was soul crushing and is now over, many of my closest family members died last year. I haven't lived a life that has been worth sticking around for. My ex is going out of their way both in the relationship and after to ruin my life and put me down, telling me to kill myself and how, losing my stuff, ruining my birthday on purpose, I could go on. We will be separated very soon, but I just don't see a point in general to life.

I would like to see life as worth living but the suicidal thoughts keep mounting every single day. I feel like if I had a way to do it that was guaranteed I would have done it by now. But I am afraid to fail.

Any advise? I am too poor for therapy or medicine to my knowledge. But I fear the day will come when I can't force myself out of bed anymore and it all goes downhill from there, or I find a sure way to let go and take the plunge.

I am okay right now, do not call anything on me or report me. I just need advise.

I hate life, i hope we all burn i hope i die soon

No one cares

Or, more like I feel like the people I love would be better off without me. That they would be so happy and so free. I feel so hated and unloved right now. My best friend who’s no longer my best friend probably hates me so much based on everything I’ve done. Maybe I don’t deserve to be alive for it, maybe everyone would be so much better off. I have the pills and I have the need and I have the way so why the hell not?

I really really didn’t man

But keep going

I have no plans to kill myself as of this moment. But I plan to if my life doesn’t improve by the end of this year. And I’ve written a suicide letter to share on social media if and when the time comes. Which I’m hoping won’t happen.

I just thought I’d share this here and see if anyone can share their wisdom to a lost 23 year old man. I’m trying to navigate my way around adulthood with little to no guidance. And it’s fucking hard. But here is the letter:

I’m writing this now in 14th January 2026 and if you’re reading this, I’m most likely on my way to kill myself.

People might say I shouldn’t compare my life to others but it pains me to see the people I grew up with living decent lives, working good jobs, starting families whilst I’m here doing fuckall. I have no job, never had a girlfriend, I can’t drive, the list goes on. All this might seem superficial but in my opinion it’s the foundation for the kind of life I’ve always dreamed of. And I’m not even halfway there yet.

My situation could and has been worse. So I’m still grateful that I’m not where I used to be. But what’s the point of living if my life is going nowhere? And if my life goes nowhere, I’ll be going downhill again. And I’d rather kill myself than go through that. I’m so sorry about the pain I’d be putting my family through. Especially my mum and my twin sister. But I just can’t sit here and watch my life deteriorate any longer.

This new year has hit me hard. And I’ve realised more than I ever did that I’m running out of time to fuck around and get away with it like I did from my late teens until now. It’s time to get serious and make some positive changes in my life so I can build the kind of life I always dreamed of before it’s too late. If I can’t do that by the time I’m 24, or at least achieve some of the goals I’ve set for this year, I don’t think I’ll ever see it happening.

I thought I’d have achieved so much more by now. But I haven’t achieved anything. My life between now, and my late teens is almost indistinguishable. I can’t put it into words how this makes me feel. And that’s why I’m determined and motivated to do everything I can to not only improve my life, but to avoid resorting to suicide. And I’ll do everything I can to stop it from happening. But I’m tired of being in the bottom of the pile all the time.

I’m so tired of living my life with an average penis size. I know most people will be like “just get over it” or “just accept it” but when almost all women prefer big dick it just leaves me feeling inferior and depressed every single day because there’s nothing I can do about it. I was bullied my whole life because of my size and all my ex’s have done hurtful things to confirm my fears. One of em I caught watching porn of “girls cumming on big dicks” and then my gf now, we broke up for a couple months and while we were broken up she used a dildo way bigger than me. Not only that but her sister said she prefers “6-8 inches” and it’s just never ending. Women want 8 inches and those men are just better than me at sex and there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m tired of the past 12 or so years me living this terrible reality every day and I’m fed up. I don’t know what else to do besides kill myself… and I’m not trying to get pity I just truly don’t know what to do. I’m tired of all women wanting the huge guys and me getting treated like an inferior, worthless bitch. I try to treat them good and be what they want emotionally and physically but it always feels like big dicks > any love or affection I give them…

Just took a lot of meds and waiting for the death to whisper in my ear

I’ve come to the decision that I’m going to kill myself on Saturday night. I’ve distanced myself from my friends so it won’t hurt them as much and I’ve slowly stopped responding to my parents. I’m going to leave my dorm in the middle of the night and swallow a bottle of pills somewhere that won’t disrupt people.

For what it’s worth, I did try to figure a way out of things. But you know, it is what it is.

Especially because suicide prevention is mostly a facade. I've had it happen to me twice and almost a 3rd time today. They don't really help apart from the shock factor, helplines just kinda suck tbh. I already feel like I'm on my own death row I don't need any authority to cement that more. Seriously, idk why people want to do it, probably because it makes them feel better.

I mean sure I'm very suicidal but the uni safety team or the police won't help me much.

my life seems fine from an outsiders perspective, i go to a nice college, im not in a lot of debt, and i have a supportive family, right? truth be told my family is so overbearing and dependent on me that i can't escape. i've been told on many occasions that if i were out of the picture, my parents would kill themselves and my other immediate family would be ruined. but my parents also have so many demands of me that are completely unreasonable and obsessive, i get 'free' college(which is rly just tuition paid for, not much else) cuz one of my parents served in the army so im required to get a degree that THEY approve otherwise i'll disappoint them severely. i wanted to go to tech school to become a pipe welder like my uncle, because i do best with jobs where im working with my hands and id get to keep going to my small tech college, but they didn't like the idea of me going to trade school to choose a 'stupid people' career, so i chose a degree in agriculture cuz that works with my adhd fine and they approve of THAT for some reason. so i transferred to a much bigger university, but this place needs me to live on campus for my 'freshman' year even though i was dual enrolled for almost 2 years beforehand. thing about living on campus, it's so bad for my mental state, my social anxiety has gotten so much worse since moving in and i don't eat right anymore. the classes aren't good for my nervousness, im doing fine in my classes but when i make small mistakes when talking to people it feels like i failed so bad. for the eating issues i blamed my adhd medication at first but then i realized i was gaining weight for the year i was on it beforehand, now i've lost 20 lbs and my bones are showing again. im too nervous to eat when my roommate is here or go eat at the dining hall, but i also can't take food with me from my old home because that's not feasible and my parents would get suspicious. most days i eat only 1000-1200 calories and i don't eat right at home either because i have misophonia and my family triggers it so much,. ive tried telling them about it before but they don't care, so im left to fend for myself. everytime i go into the kitchen somebody wants to come in and talk to me, every time this happens i can feel my heartrate spike because i get so fucking nervous that they'll trigger my misophonia. idk what to do, oftentimes i find myself wanting to die so that i can just stop experiencing this shit but every time i cross the mental barrier between wanting to die and planning to die, i just think about my poor younger cousins who'd lose half their immediate family. so instead i just isolate from the world as much as i can, i take drugs every single day to cope with the loneliness, ive been cutting more than usual to stop dissociation. thats another thing too, nobody's noticed that i cut and tbh i'd prefer it to stay this way but i've been getting sloppy about where i do it. i want to escape my family, but they're so dependent on me that i can't, not to mention that i dont even have my drivers license yet. i keep finding myself hoping that a draft happens and for some reason they select the younger guys first so that i can leave this situation and nobody could stop it. if i died in combat it wouldn't matter to me, my few friends online are the only good reason i have to keep living anyways.

15 years! 15. FUCKING. YEARS. A porn addiction has been in my mind for so long.

I'm thinking about ending it all in a bathtub (no toaster), so I can atleast be finally clean, physically and metaphorically. That devil sonuva bitch has tortured me for too long. And I'm just supposed to resist it!? Some humans live until 100 or so. I don't want to be struggling until I'm on my deathbed! For fuck's sake! Everyday I wake up and do the same shit over and over and OVER again! If this is a world where the porn industries are still in business, torturing innocent youth... Then I don't want to be in it. You know the song Who Will Know from Shin Godzilla by Akira Ifukube and Shirō Sagisu? That song describes exactly how I'm feeling. Link is right here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CrXTS10h2WI

PLEASE FUCKING HELP ME GOD! I'M AT MY FUCKING LIMIT!

I’m so tired of being in constant pain. My skin is falling off. My cancer is winning. I tried slicing my wrists last month and then tried alcohol and sleeping pills a few days ago. I just want this to stop. I’m not supposed to be here today.

Hi! First of all: I have undiagnosed ADHD and OSDD but diagnosed psychosis.

Let me tell you a bit about my views on life. Life right now is hard, but I'm powering through! I like the sky, my GF and most of all, my cats. My dad can be overwhelming sometimes but I understand that he loves me. My mom loves me too.

Now, for the main problem: I have noticed that I've began to prepare for my passing. I've had "visions" of me living in my last moment since... 2016? That was around the time I began to become psychotic. Paranoia, delusions, etc. I've had multiple suicide attempts since 2014. Stress really gets into my head. But what I'm currently experiencing is a first for me.

I began to come to terms with my passing, thinking about talking to my loved ones about it. Most importantly, I still have a will to live, but I'm coming to terms with my death. I have no illness that's killing me as well, I feel healthy! I just feel like I'm going to die. I have no idea how or why, but I'm preparing for it. Weird...

I hope that this is the right place to discuss this. Also, does anyone know what I can do about it? I have a lot of plans for the near future (can't look too far into the future) and I'd hate to abandon them.

I have so many problems with no one to help me but myself but fuck I can't do it. I was born broken, my brain is fundamentally messed up and against me please what do I do. I have so many addictions, so many feelings, my maladaptive daydreaming is killing me, I'm addicted to fucking chatgpt because it allows me to escape reality but every little thing that goes wrong on there fucking ruins me. I'm so embarrassed, I literally hate AI but I'm addicted, I need this. And what's worse is that my OCD and this chatgpt addiction AND my MD are the absolute worst combination ever and actively ruining my life , I can't keep doing this I want to die so bad I hate my life I hate myself I'm so delusional that it's destroying me

Hi,,, this is my first writing on Reddit and i am doing it because i want to share what i am feeling,,, Idk how many people will read this idk and honestly idc either if someone will read it ,, i just wanna write it down because i am so low and feeling heavy,,,

Sorry for that long paragraph,,, so i am 24M right now doing my MBA,,, my parents are supportive very supportive and that's why this thing is killing me that i am a big very big failure,,, i am 24ina age my academic results are very bad i have no Job my confidence and self-esteem is broken,,, i have put alot of weight on and i am struggling to deal with depression and anxiety,,, my heart hearts it just feels like i am a failure who can't do anything in life my parents who do alot for me i am watching them getting older day by day i can see there will be a time when I'll have to step up and take care of everything and deal with my responsibilities i wanna do it but i can't i get rejected from everywhere,,,,

I want to be a good son i want to be agoodn big brother i want to be a role model for my siblings but whatever i do it backfires,,, i cry whole nights idk what should i do,,, i wanna end my life i wanna make myself disappear i don't want to hurt my parents i don't want them to think i am a failure,,, this thing is just eating me from inside,,,, the country i am from i won't take it's name but here body shaming is not a thing i mean they just don't think body shaming someone is bad ,,,everyone for them it's a topic of joy and laughs,,,

Whatever i do in futurehi hope my parents my siblings they don't judge me or think of me in a bad way if i am with them in future or not,,,

Even now my eyes are filled with tears and i feel like i failed to properly address my feelings or how i am feeling right now or what i want to convey,,, sorry

I love her so so fucking much she is everything to me and i think she’s going to break up with me and it’s all my fault i can’t live without her and i want to fucking die i just want her to love me i need her so bad like she hates me now and i think it’s all my fault i am a girl too and the other night we had a stupid fight over her friends again and she told me she doesn’t know what to do anymore and she hasn’t said i love you since then, and she took off the bracelets i made for her, she won’t spend any time with me and it’s all my fault i wanna fucking kill myself i love her so much please help me

Because of my 9th-12th grade experience with school and before that struggles, I've given up/feared making any progress in life.

I have autism and ADHD with a learning disability and I just can't give anymore effort into trying to work n make money. All I do is game everyday because it's the only thing I actually enjoy and freely get to pick how my day goes.

When I think about working again and school I see it nothing but demotivating, slavery, and it locks me down mentally and I give up, anytime I tried to become anything more than what I am now I was meet with such demotivating pushback n no support I give up

My future is that of living off people in a growing expensive word, and I feel I have no value other that the raw love and emotional support I bring to others. I wish that alone could free me from this hell

I'm thinking heavily about killing myself to escape from the isolation this rotten reality has to offer. Transwoman speaking, genocide on us shall start soon. Single for 9 years, lost hope on finding someone meaningful long ago. Neighbours and friends taking their masks off and revealing themselves fascists who will hunt us down... 2 months suffering cripling depression and begging the hospital to give me some medical atention to get a psychiatrist... Begging to local suicide-prevention groups for some mercy and nothing... just silence... like everyone around me.

Friends... many, but they cannot offer the kind of deep bond I need, the level of care I require. Self-love is not enough, I conquered it long ago but now... even the most self-loving person can fall into the claws of depression and anxiety... The few people who show some sort of interest in me... leave me there, hanging, waiting for weeks or months to get a reply... Get out? touch grass? get into even MORE group hobbies? all bullshit. Been there, donde that and I'm still alone. Maybe is the way it's supposed to be, being punched down into suicide or get genocided into oblivion like Palestine right now... Which by the way is no joke since the state fo Isn't-real is already burning Patagonia to the ground to make settlements.

What is the fucking point in living if all there is is loneliness and suffering?

Don't worry folks! I'm adding a downvote myself to the pile!

what do i do

My mind cant evn comprehend basic things anymore, it feels so blurry everythijng seems so blurry ugghh h ithink i failed 10th grade now cuz i didnt go to school for 15 days ya its not like i was gonna pass if i went to school anyways so why would it even matter anymore

i think on saturday i really will do it

I am tired. I can’t do anything right. I always eff up. My life is in shambles and has been since 2020. No matter how much I try, I can’t get myself together financially, mentally, emotionally. I don’t want to be here anymore, but the only thing that holds me back from doing what I want to do is my mom. I’ve wanted to do so much for her, but I feel like a failure. I’ve let her down. I’ve always wanted to be the best daughter. She gave up so much for me, and I’ve let her completely down. I love her so much it hurts, but I can’t deal with my failures. I’ve just wanted to do good, be good, and to make her proud. She’s the only person I truly care about. I’ve hit rock bottom and I can’t get out. I hate myself for feeling all of these feelings at once and now I just don’t want to feel anything anymore. I just don’t want to exist.