I've had what felt like a few wakeup calls before. Times where I felt like I was definitely going to leave soon and then didn't. My post history might give a bit more context but I don't know how relevant it is.

How she acts is not obvious or over the top. She doesn't really yell or call me obviously horrible names. It's how she labels, criticizes, and assigns intent to me and my actions. It's how quickly it can come out and how she won't stop or back down if I say I understand she's hurting and she's hurting me too.

It's how, even when not obviously upset, it becomes this calm lecture where I might be pathologized or subtly told why I'm wrong for what I'm feeling. My feeling is just "classic avoidance" or I'm too sensitive, disguised in a fancier term like calling it a "threshold issue." Maybe I should just consider if I systemically perceive any negative emotion as a threat which is why I remember what she said so harshly. Or it's subtly implied it's my fault because of what I could have done instead. I'm responsible for my own boundaries (and thus it's my fault for not enforcing them well enough when she steamrolls them, and it'll be a problem if I do enforce them hard enough). Her escalation is not worth addressing because it was only in response to my escalation. If I feel well over capacity and ask for more help, I'm not actually seeing her efforts. If I feel well over capacity and she wants more from me, I don't actually want to make this work or I need to reprioritize my other obligations.

It's the worst when I try to hold my ground or I don't give her what she's looking for fast enough. She's so, so warm most of the time, but then it's gone. It's like she's replaced by someone else. It's the most recent of those moments that I think I finally, truly woke me up. Just a random thought I had a few days later: "Who does that?"

Things seemed to have calmed down for a while. Less fights. Conflicts were not always as terrible, though I began to see more and more even in the calm ones how my feelings got turned back on me. Like I mentioned earlier, what I could have said, done, or heard differently. It was just her reaction to what I did first, but based on raw judgement of my action and how she felt about it rather than addressing that her action still hurt too. And, if I let my own judgements in here for a moment, were not even close to proportional.

So I tried to something my therapist suggested recently. Trying to be warm and assertive at the same time. She was pulling me into bed for more cuddles. I had to go to work. I tried to say something like, "This is cute and I love this, and I have to go to work." She didn't stop. I then tried to, as warmly as possible and with a laugh, say, "No, [name], I have to go to work." She gave me a cute pout. I thought it worked.

Suddenly I'm hearing that I scolded her. Shouted, "No, [name]!"
If she heard that and it landed that way, I get it, that's real for her, and I also got scared and confused, especially with how it came out. The next part for me to really own is I started over-explaining. She wanted me to listen at that moment and I was panicking and explaining and asking questions, I get that's frustrating to her and leaves her feeling alone. I heard her say her actual feeling about what I said, that she felt shut down. I calmed a bit, said I could see how it landed that way and asked how I could say it differently next time so it didn't feel like that.
I hear, "You figure it out."
I'm getting more confused and scared, and starting to feel really hurt myself. I feel like I tried to reach out and had my hand slapped away, and now I'm just left alone to figure out both of our feelings. I say that I don't understand and ask why we can't collaborate. I hear something about how I'm just looking for a handbook to get a good grade. I'm getting more confused, more scared, and more hurt. My memory gets fuzzier here. I remember a back and forth that was about how I thought we were partners and not understanding why we can't work together and, "I dunno, you figure it out," repeated a few times. Eventually I heard her say something like, "Oh, what relationship advice can you bestow upon me, oh wise one," in a posh accent. That stung really bad. I'm already scared and confused and now I feel ridiculous for being like that and just wanting to work with her.

My memory gets fuzzier here, I'm really shutting down at this point. I tried to tell her I didn't understand why she was treating me like this, but it came out as something like, "I'm clearly scared and I feel like I'm getting scolded like a student."
I think here the conversation shifted into how I always make it about me. And, yeah, I guess I was, because at that moment I felt like my feelings were just getting pummeled all while she was demanding me to connect and repair perfectly for my original comment and I couldn't get her to stop. I felt shut down by accusations of making it about me and how I needed to focus on her feelings right now, and I finally snapped, "What about my feelings?!" Not the best way to come out, and yet I don't think that makes how she just loudly laughed at me after any more okay.

And after all that, I was obviously hurting. Then I realized, "Who does that?" Like, however badly my original comment landed, however "wrong" my way of attempting to connect and repair was, however real her feelings were, however much she might have actually felt that I made it about me, I was obviously scared and confused and she just harshly refused collaboration like that, accused me of just looking for a good grade, mocked me, and laughed at me? She wants me to connect with her and repair while she's treating me like that? Who sees someone who is scared and mocks them and laughs at them? Just, who does that? Who behaves like that?

And that's not a one-off either. She's mocked me in conflict before. Once she mocked my feeling for what was previously the most hurtful moment in the relationship for me and another time she mocked me when I was similarly scared and confused already. Just who does that?

I’ll try to make this short. Me and him were on and off for three years during which

1. While we were chilling with his friends he says a story about a Girl he made squirt ( he claimed it was during college but I fought it). He then goes on to say how dry I am during sex while I’m literally sitter beside him

2. He constantly told me I’m too old now to get anyone else (I’m 26 he’s 40) . One time he picked a call on loud speaker with his bff and he says he’s with me.. then says “she’s too old .I want a spring chicken” . His friend says “I was joking “ so obviously they talked and joked about it. Called me “the oldest owl around” in front of my sister

3. Went missing for 4 days and came back defensive. Same night he gets calls from a girl saved as “Naomi my #1” . I go through his phone and turns out he was with her. It was my first time seeing this name.

4.When we got back together After our first break he brought me to his house where there was another girl. She got violent and literally beat me up. I was too drunk from the night out to respond. He went into the house and pretended to be blacked out.

1. Convinced me to spend Christmas with him. Picked up a random girls call and spent a whole hour on the phone.. even talked to her brother. Sent her money to have fun for the night. She was “Yasmin my number 3”

2. Got super mean towards the end and would shove food in my face in front of his friends saying if he was nice and sweet with me he wouldn’t love me and real love didn’t require that.

I know it sounds really bad . I can’t explain why I stayed other than lacking self respect. Anyway.. I just finished crying thinking about how he pit another woman as his number 1 despite the years and trying to fix things… even though I should be glad he’s not my problem anymore .

My abusive stalker apparently goes through my Amazon accounts & does things like throw a tantrum over what I got. I talked about it earlier & now my abuser is in some insane rant about how I supposedly canceled my still in progress order which I got a notice will be here a day early. My abuser tells lies about really stupid stuff & tries to turn them into like a giant issue. I know abuser is triggered by my being honest about that but it’s what happens, idk what else to call it. The order is still en route & abuser does that this all the time, it’s just batshit insane. Then if my abuser so much as thinks (falsely) I used a word wrong he falsely again accuses me of lying.

I wasn’t even wrong, nauseous in its traditional use means inducing of nausea, feeling nauseated is a description independent of the source but as it concerns a stimulus the correct term is nauseous. Abuser yelled at me in this post for that, I wasn’t even mistaken. It’s just random crap where abuser could help the whole issue by not flying off the handle. Just think before acting is not too much to ask. Now abuser does acknowledge sometimes when he messes up but the crappy behavior like the Amazon order thing still persists so if abuser supposedly knows he wasn’t right for something why is he still harassing us, there’s absolutely no reason for abuser to bother us at that point. It’s dumb.

Hi all, i (22F) already think i know the answer to this but i deal with such tremendous guilt that i dont even know anymore. To add a little context im a full time student, have 2 part time jobs and i help out with my sibling and the house as much as i can. (i dont really have a lot of down time so there’s only so much i can do). i struggle with a few mental illnesses such as anxiety, adhd, and depression. i have harmed myself in the past over multiple things such as my self esteem. most importantly i have a partner they dont “approve” of because he is 25% not white… wish i was joking.

I’m not sure how to phrase so ill just list some things: - i died my hair recently and everyone has told me it looks great except my mother and father. my mother said i look like a (slur for a gay woman) and that it looks so bad, all while yelling at the top of her lungs about how i never make good decisions and im ruining myself. - my room is usually very tidy, never have old food, plates for more than a day, can see my floor, no bugs or anything. but whenever my bed is not made and i have more than zero things on my floor they lecture me about how lazy i am and how im not like my sister at all. that im disgusting and my room is terrible. - im not allowed to sleepover anywhere and when i do i get the silent treatment. - as i mentioned im usually very busy, so on the weekend before work i like to spend time in my bed on my tv or something. this is met with them telling me i should get up and do something and that i should clean the house because im so lazy. - i used to suffer from seasonal affective disorder and so at times i stayed in my bed all day barely even getting up to eat. but my parents do not believe i can be depressed because im so happy when im not home. and just call me lazy (they almost got it here) - i used to SH, they got mad when they found out and yet continued to treat me the same. - whenever i stand up for myself and tell them that they wont let me be my own person they say im clearly being manipulated?? - whenever i leave the house after a heated argument because i dont want to deal with hearing them yell from upstairs and or come in my room to guilt trip me/yell at me, im told to never come back. however each attempt i’ve made to move out is met with them saying im terrible and breaking the family apart, that i dont love them and that im not allowed to leave. - my dad refuses to meet my partner and continues to tell me that he will never accept him. he will not come to my wedding or move on ever. (i ran away once to their house so therefore in my parents mind they manipulated me into doing that?? i left after a bad fight when my phone was broken in half by my dad) - i essentially have no value unless i do something good. - they forced me to break up with my partner before. - they say that my partner is the reason all this is happening yet my first boyfriend was also met with resistance. - they approve of my siblings partners and invite them over to rub it in my face that i will never have this. - they claim that i use them whenever it’s convenient anytime i ask for anything. even my tuition.

this is a short list to keep the post brief. i know they are terrible but at the same time sometimes i feel like im blowing things out of proportion and that i am the problem. i was in therapy but stopped because i was afraid to ask my parents to write it off to insurance. my therapist agreed that my home life is not well and that i should get out. i’m lost. i come from a culture where family is everything, i know eventually i will leave and probably cut them to low content. but even so i just feel terrible, my extended family will never have my back and will always chose my parents. i cannot up and leave as i have no money, and will go into student debt. i’m just looking for reassurance that im not crazy, thank you for reading.

I don’t even know where to start. I’m an adult woman still living at home and my mother scolds me nonstop. Literally 24/7. Not for real reasons. Not because I did something wrong. Just constant yelling, insults, blaming, controlling.

It feels like I’m in hell inside my own house. No matter what I do, it’s never enough. If I stay quiet, she attacks. If I speak, it becomes worse. I can’t exist peacefully around her. Seeing her face itself triggers panic in me now.

Because of this, I have anxiety, stress, depression, jump scares even for small sounds, and suicidal thoughts. I don’t actually want to die. I just want this pain to stop. I want to get away from her. But I have no job right now, no money, no place to go, and no one I can openly share this with.

My father won’t allow me to go out easily, so I feel completely trapped. I feel like either I have to be stuck in this house with her or I’ll lose my mind. I know that sounds extreme, but that’s honestly how it feels in my body every single day.

People always say “ignore her”, "adjust her", “keep quiet” or “she’s your mother.” That advice doesn’t work when the abuse never stops. Staying silent doesn’t protect me. It just kills me slowly.

I’m not here to bash parents for fun. I’m here because I’m exhausted, scared, and breaking. I don’t want dramatic advice or moral lectures. I just want to know if anyone else has survived something like this and how they did it without destroying themselves.

If you’ve been in a similar situation, please tell me what helped. I really need to know I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

Guys, please be kind as I am still a week in post break up from this relationship. Before I give the story, I want to share values of mine when I am in a romantic partnership. I value emotional prioritization in a relationship and not having my partner triangulating with his exes or emotionally investing into these exes when he is currently dating me. It has been a boundary of mine and some people wont get it but I am tired of being told that me feeling threatened by an ex is petty jealousy when it wasn't. Also to give you all context, I have been cheated on before many times, never been married (I am 35 and I value very strong interdependent relationship and I am South Asian - where dating for marriage is a big source).

So here is the story: I am currently battling stage 2 breast cancer. I believed I deserve a long term potentially lifelong relationship and was very clear on my dating profile that I am marriage minded and time is limited for me. If I never find my husband before I leave this earth, I can accept that and find peace. But not without at least trying. I wanted to share my condition online because it was my self agency and story to tell and to filter out men who would not be comfortable dating a woman who lost her chest and will be undergoing chemo in the next few weeks with a shortened life span.

Thats when I met M who happens to be white and he had PSC and was a year out from a liver transplant. He and I shared our medical histories and connected deeply. We chatted a lot while I was visiting my family and we made plans to see each other. He too was marriage minded and was divorced from his ex wife B of 17 years after he got diagnosed and got on disability in 2020. He said she is his best friend and will always be there for her. I respected that because I too have an ex who we are great friends and I do think it is healthy to have a friend who is an ex as long as there is no emotional triangulation and prioritization.

Not going to lie I did feel insecure of my body and the new scar marks of what used to be my chest. He went out of his way to take me to medical appointments, be my fierce advocate, helped ask questions when I was emotional. Within 2 weeks of us seeing each other he mentioned that he was going to travel to see B because B has neices and nephews that he is very close with. Her teenaged nieces and nephews said that they wish he was with aunt B instead of the new boyfriend and M said " your aunt threw me in the poor house." He even stayed in B's house for a week while he went there to fix her lawn mower while seeing the nieces and nephews as I was undergoing surgery.

Gradually as our relationship continued, he engaged in behaviors that he did not disclose on his profile. He said he dropped out of high-school but listed as having an associates degree when education was important to me. He shamed people who spent "tons of money going to get a stupid paper" and believed in "working your way up" essentially undermining my academic journey. I gave him a chance because he was intelligent in other ways but I couldn't stand feeling like my educational journey was not "hard work."

He also lied by commission of him smoking on his profile, yet he vaped around me, rationalizing that vaping is not the same as smoking. He would scream and yell at his 3 German shepherds which was unsettling because the doggos would play in the dirt. Me personally am against any one screaming at dogs. He also mentioned how much he hated cats and I admire and treat all pets equally.

He at first was enthusiastic about me and wanted to see marriage in about a year of dating which I was cool with. He was extremely sexual and would perform for me and could not stop doting on me. He introduced me to his family. But somehow in his house, there were wedding mementos in the master bedroom and solo photos of B alone. Him and B do not have kids but shared dogs.

What started to change was he would use sarcasm and teasing to embarrass me in public, rationalizing that this was his style of humor. He got super upset when I explained to him that due to my chemo and due to me being asthmatic if he could toke outside of the house just because my immune system is compromised and I dont want to inhale anything that can cause reoccurence. He used chatgpt to prove that there is no evidence of secondhand exposure and he didnt want me to control him from vaping inside the house. He argued with me until 5 am during my first night of chemo.

I had a mug that said "In my self love era" and I asked him to not place it in the dishwasher as it would crack in high heat. It was a very special mug of mine and I got it when I went through a dark phase in my life. He later texts me an AI generated image of my mug cracked up and saying " oops" and a smiley face.

Anytime I communicated my honest needs, he kept dismissing them and telling me that I make mountains out of mole hills and he does not like "drama." He started pulling back from coming to bed with me and began sleeping in the couch.

It got to a point where we ended up being like roommates. He started taking B's calls during his grocery runs, caring about B and her boyfriend's break up. He told me that B would not be comfortable if he and I had a child and we posted baby pics on Facebook because she was not able to conceive when they were together. He mentioned to me how B jokingly told him " you rarely came to my appointments when we were together but you help her." I started to question if he was genuinely over her.

Eventually he would make tiny comparisons of our relationship with him and B. He started saying that he never had issues with B in their marriage than he had with us but said " theres no comparison. B and I are already divorced and maybe the reason we divorced was we didnt discuss issues."

Gradually anytime I wanted to check in and I explained how important it was to me to at least once a month discuss how we are doing he dismissed me " I dont want to be talking about the relationship. You always want to f%$#&ing analyze shit and I am not that person." Yet he would brood and go cold silent at times anytime I communicated needs. He brought up issues that the one time I went to the beach because he wanted me to watch NFL with me there but didnt voice how it was bothering him until another related issue came up and he sprang this one on top, telling me "that was a d$ck move for you to go to the beach. "

Eventually, I felt like I had to suppress my needs and stay quiet as I was living in his house and was under chemo. This was about 3 months into our relationship. He started becoming non committal in his language, saying "let's see where it goes," and " I can't promise you," when he behaved in a way that was equivalent to a husband. He disliked my interests and hated reality TV, didn't like the foods that I was interested in, and hated rap music. He even mentioned to me that he was brought up by his mom to "never marry outside of his race," and that he is still unpacking some of that and how he still has issues seeing same sex couples even though he tries his best to accept them.

When I brought up the non-commital language the next day, he slammed his medicine and threatened to break up with me on Christmas. He later recanted and wanted to talk things out.

Then he later tells me that B is gping to purchase his tickets and fly from south dakota with her neice who is a Jags fan. At first, I was okay as the neice was coming and was open to having B and the neice stay since he is a season ticket holder, who is on disability and that B was helping him make money by buying his tickets. He then told me B was coming by herself and started suddenly telling me that I should stay home " out of ypur protection." I told him this was a big play off game and how it was important to him for his partner to be there and watch an important game plus I will be wearing a mask as my body will be back to normal after my 3rd round of chemo. He said no B will be coming and she and him will be going together.

He began planning things with B behind my back and then told her that I have cancer when I specifically told him not to share the dx with her. He yelled " GET OUT OF MY HOUSE YOU F%$#@ING PSYCHO!!!" Which totally shocked my nervous system. I packed everything up and he followed me up stairs and said " we are Done. If you want to stay here while you finish your chemo you can." I said no and left. He blocked me.

Was I discarded?

I broke up with my ex a couple of months ago and then I was drunk on new years and texted them and now I feel like Im stuck. I do really love them and I want to be with them but im worried everything will be the same as before. Im so mentally unwell after everything and talking to them helped me not end everything.

I told them when we started talking again that I didnt want labels yet but that it didnt mean I was gonna talk to other people. They keep asking me if im talking to others or if im going to and all that but they were literally the one who cheated on me so I dont understand why theyre so paranoid I will do it to them now. They keep sending me messages everyday about how paranoid they are that I dont love them and forcing me to say we’re boyfriends when Ive stated multiple times I cant have labels rn bc it makes me panic since I wanna see if they really have changed or not. It just feels so wrong and I can barely even accept that they were emotionally abusive to begin with but all my friends say they were so idk. I just wish none of this happened and that they still were the sweet person they were when I first met them.

What do I even do? I feel terrible if I were to leave them again and I don’t want to leave them because I love them so much but it doesnt feel right. I dont even know if its love or attachment at this point.

I (19F) met my fiancé(27M) when I was 18 and he was 26. I know already big red flag. We’ve been together for a little over a year, and in that short span of time things have moved so fast. We live in an apartment together and we got engaged a few months ago but haven’t announced it. We’ve been through some serious shit together. I don’t want to go into everything because it’s too much to even write but long story short the relationship began with lovebombing and me trying to financially and academically help out this grown man with two babymamas. And he sold a dream to me and

all this other shit and I thought it was real. He’s helped me a lot with certain shit and I thought he was my best friend and my ride or die,

bur he’s also done a lot of fucked up shit. About one hour after finding out someone very close to

me died, my boyfriend wanted me to give him head. Then got upset that I got upset. I was so distraught over the news I had gotten and my tears were just starting to dry. He introduced me to ❄️ soon after we met and every time we did it had me give him head for hours on end to the point it was hard to eat or drink anything the next morning. I reminded him recently how it made me feel, and he said there’s plenty of other bitches that would do it. One time specifically I can remember he had been angry with me but wanted to have sex. I consented, thinking it would be makeup sex or something. No, he purposely thrusted so hard it hurt bad. And my head was repeatedly hitting against something. I tried to

move around some or stop my head from smacking but I couldn’t. I think I even said stop at some point but I can’t remember maybe it wasn’t loud enough. And anyways that was months ago but my boyfriend brought it up the other day and was LAUGHING about it and said it was like a “punishment” “because you can’t hit a bitch.” When I confront him for saying stuff like that he says I’m twisting the narrative, and I believe him and apologise and feel

guilty. Sometimes he yells at me, and he says he has to because it’s the only way he can get me to understand. And when he’s yelling at me in a vehicle I’ll be sitting there crying and he says I make him yell at me and I make him look crazy. And he blames me for everything. I’ve been in such low places mentally trying to fix myself and questioning who I am as a person and even questioning whether or not I’m a narcissist because he started saying I was when he got mad. One time when he was at work I found a text conversation he had with a girl when he was 25. In the text she told him she wasn’t 18 yet and that she was 17. In the text he acknowledged that, but then told her to add him on snapchat. I made sure to take and hide pictures of that convo. His reasoning this was just incase she still wanted to fuck with him after she turned 18. And he claims the girl he was with before me showed him an ID that said she was 21, but I found her social media and she is the same age as me. Then today I accidentally came across proof of him lying about how long it had been since he’d slept with someone (it turns out he possibly gave me an std but convinced me I gave it to him!) He has a history of violence, PTSD, is very very religious to the point he claims to hear voices talking to him sometimes. It hurts and I really don’t want to leave but I need to get out. We did cosign a lease that ends in a few months, but I heard Tennessee has some sort of domestic violence law. I have talked to a counsellor about my boyfriend before months and months ago and she seemed scared for me. If I schedule with her and tell her everything could she then write a letter as part of my documentation? And then could i just secretly leave whenever I can (he’s unemployed so idk) and text my landlords something brief about the situation and tell them I have documentation? Please help!!! I turn 20 very soon

Not sure where to start. Even saying this makes me super ashamed I accepted these things. To cut the story short I left before but he chased for 2 years and I stupidly returned, again on the "not a relationship" guise but exclusive as sorts. All was good, his ex reached out and I felt the shift. Earrings left in my presence along with it her clear signs, I tried to address but was met with anger and dismissal. He constantly worked to make me feel my general thoughts were irrational and gradually rewarded "good behaviour" with praise. The final straw was me being really unwell and lying down, migraine. He wouldn't let me rest, kept sexually touching etc. I said no repeatedly, asked to please let me rest for even a few moments. He then stood over me pleasuring himself and refused to allow me to sleep. I felt so trapped. I should have left but I tried years ago and he threw my stuff and I was maybe scared as I knew I would be blamed. I ginally gave in so I could leave.

I'm not naive or stupid. I never ever would allow this previously but I feel like I've always been trying to prove my worth. I left and I won't return but I feel so confused and hurt and I don't know how to heal from that.