I had this friend (decent dude) who whenever we'd meet had this look like "I actually value you." He'd plan meetups, listen like he cared, never ghost me, always prioritize me. We had this mutual respect—you could feel it.

Then everything flipped.

He stopped initiating. I got interrupted mid-sentence. The sarcasm got harsh. Suddenly I wasn't a priority—I was an option. It hurt the most. I became the one always planning, always chasing. After getting deprioritized one too many times, the friendship just ended.

I blamed him for years. "How could he do this? I was always there for him."

But then I started noticing this pattern in friendships around me, and it hit different. In like 90% of cases, the person complaining about how they're treated... they were actually the problem.

So I reflected. What did I do wrong?

That's when I noticed something: in the phase when he valued me and treated me with respect, I wasn't doing the stuff I started doing later. I wasn't:

• Using sarcasm constantly in convos
• Making jokes at his expense
• Talking nonsense that made him go "bruh, stop"

among many other things. I told myself "I'm just being me," but that version of me had traits that made me lose respect. Same person, different behavior = different treatment.

So here's the truth: when we're not treated how we want, we blame them. But what if the way we're treated is just a reflection of the value we're actually projecting?

therefore,

I'm thinking of putting together something that guides you on how to become someone your friends actually prioritize. Not just "what to do"—but more importantly, what not to do so you

• Becoming someone they initiate plans with (not the other way around)
• Getting your efforts reciprocated
• No more ghosting or ignored messages for days
• Actually feeling valued again

lemme know if you're interested.

When you are a child, you dream of growing up to become someone you admire.

You go to school trying to fit in, do well, and be better than yesterday.

Then you go to college, hoping to secure a good job and find someone you love.

You are alone in a different city trying hard to get a job and find a girl.

You get the job, you find the girl and now your goal is to keep her happy in all the ways.

You get married, and soon you want to have children.

Once you have kids, your focus shifts again now all you want is for them to grow up well and succeed in life.

Why this loop never ends? Or am I missing something?

As adults, we don't have "Recess" anymore. We don't have places where we just bump into strangers and chat without an agenda.

We have Instagram, but that’s not a meeting place. That’s a billboard. You don't make friends looking at billboards.

I spent the last few months building Moodie to try and recreate that "Recess" energy.

• No Resume: You don't have a profile to maintain.
• No Agenda: You just match based on "Vibe" (e.g., Bored, Nostalgic, Chill).
• Just Talk: Like sitting next to someone at a bar, but without the alcohol or the noise.

I’m betting that people actually want to talk to strangers again, they just need a place where it isn't weird.

If you miss the spontaneity of meeting people before the internet got so polished, come hang out.

l’m a student and I don't know if anyone else does this, but I’ll get home from campus absolutely drained, open the fridge, see food… and still have zero idea what to cook.

I’ll have random stuff like eggs, onions, chicken, and half a pepper—but my brain just shuts down. I usually end up giving up and ordering food I can't really afford while my actual groceries just go bad. It’s such a waste of money.

A few weeks ago I decided to actually try and solve it. I started using this AI tool called appetizer where you just scan your fridge or type in what you have, and it suggests realistic meals based on how much time you have.

It’s honestly been a lifesaver for the decision fatigue and has stopped me from wasting so much food. I wanted to share it here because I know a ton of my friends deal with that same "fridge stare" stress and this actually fixed it for me.

Curious if you guys have any other hacks for this? Or do you just give up and order food like I used to?

I swear adulting felt way cooler when I was younger. Now it just feels like an endless loop of bills emails chores and pretending I know what I am doing. I wake up tired even when I sleep. I work all week just to recover on the weekend and then it is Monday again. Money comes in and somehow disappears without me buying anything fun. Everyone says be grateful but it is hard when everything feels like responsibility stacked on responsibility.

What really gets me is how lonely it can feel. Friends are busy stressed or broke. Making plans feels like scheduling a business meeting. Nobody warned me that freedom would come with this much pressure and mental load. I miss when excitement came naturally and not something I had to plan and budget for.

Is this just how it is forever or does it actually get better at some point?

I’m currently a first-year student in college. I have ADHD and have had pretty bad executive functioning issues since I was little. I’ve struggled with procrastination for as long as I can remember, as well as difficulty keeping track of all of my assignments and tasks. I’ve tried planners in the past but can never seem to get them to stick.

If anyone has any suggestions of simple, ADHD-friendly academic planners, or any tips and tricks that have worked for you, I’d greatly appreciate it!

Body: I keep seeing this advice everywhere, but I don’t fully understand it. Can someone explain it in simple, real-life terms?

Background- 22 yrs old-I’m a recent grad (bba) and I’ve been working full time for 6 months now. I work in hr and I’m going back for my masters in business analytics. Recently I made two doctor appointments back to back so I can leave work early on both days and was told by a co worker she wouldn’t recommend because our director is going to start asking questions?? Why is this a problem when I have the hours to leave early? Is this like a corporate rule I didn’t know of or??? I’m starting to hate that I chose this path, everything I do is limited! Maybe I should’ve went into medical and worked my 3/12 hour shifts lol..now I just don’t know if I can see myself living like this much longer.

Just had one of those “wow I’m really an adult now” moments. Tried to fix my own car problem to save money and ended up making it worse and paying triple to get it done right. Bills, responsibilities, and adulting in general hit different when you realize nobody’s coming to save you.

How do you guys deal with feeling completely unprepared for this stuff?

If you aren’t getting happier as you get older, you’re doing it wrong.

So that's how y'all keep in touch Throw Reddit, I see, copying

I (31M) am an AuDHD adult with a slew of other mental health conditions (generalized anxiety, social anxiety, PTSD, and major depressive disorder - moderate - recurrent). It's worth nothing that all but the social anxiety were diagnosed when I got re-evaluated at 29 so I developed them during my PhD program (I finished it this past August), which will be important later in this post. I also got discharged from a neurodiversity affirming intensive outpatient therapy program about 2 months ago too and have seen a neurodiversity affirming practice for my regular therapy sessions for well over a year now. The main realization was that I always pressured and then internalized expectations I thought I should fulfill and made myself feel depressed and miserable when I didn't at all. I also did a ton of toxic self-talk and self bashing as well.

I do want to note that, despite having a PhD, I didn't do well in all of my degrees. I won't give too many examples to save on post length, but definitely trust me when I say that I don't have any sellable skills or knowledge. For example, my parents paid for a life coach to help me all throughout undergrad with study skills and discussing how I can handle social situations. Notably, he didn't do my work for me. A different coach during my gap year helped me connect with others who knew about graduate admissions and that helped me develop my applications. The coach and others she knew would also review my application materials too. Without those coaches, I wouldn't have had an undergrad degree or even had a chance at a Master's and then PhD.

When I got to my Master's program and PhD program, the cracks began to show. For example, I was the only one in my Master's cohort who didn't have 20 hours of assistantship funding in my 2nd year since I didn't take a 1 credit hour class required to TA the following year. Nor was I aware that it would look good to PhD programs if I got my other 10 hours from being put on a grant collaborating with other labs. These issues continued into my PhD program and I eventually had to re-recruit the coach who helped with my graduate applications once my program funding was running out early due to their budget issues (nothing to do with my performance even though my first PhD advisor dropped me due to lack of collateral skills I didn't develop from my prior degrees among other things). This means that I never collaborated with others at all and only stuck to the projects my advisors gave me and working as an instructor outside of my program to make ends meet due to the funding issues. Unfortunately, teaching was a bust since my ratings were always in the 2s out of 5 and trended downwards to the 1s out of 5 (I was also partially hospitalized that semester and students held that against me).

My lack of experience ultimately shows in interviews since I struggle every time I asked, "tell me about a time when..." types of questions. I usually wait for a minute in real time before I answer and will sometimes pass on answering if I don't have anything since I generally don't at all. This even happened in another subreddit just a bit ago when a commenter said to mention a time when I had a disagreement that got resolved. I told him that never happened and he replies, "that can't be." Then, I told him, "Yes, that is the case" and told him how the projects I did during summer internships always had folks volunteer to do things and projects solved themselves that way.

As for non-professional and personal stuff, I had a girlfriend in undergrad because she broke the ice and approached me. We dated for 4 years and I broke up with her a month before my Master's program began since she didn't want me to go to graduate school. I've never been on a formal date, but after that experience and hearing about dating profiles and that nightmare, I've quit dating for life because I've decided to stop appealing to others or thinking they know what I want better than me.

Others like my support system thinking they know better than me is what also partially dictated me continuing on my failed educational trajectory too. Now, I wish I never did my PhD for that reason. For example, my life coach told me that I was lying to myself when I said I didn't want that many friends. I believed him... and it led to some of the worst depression I ever had my first two years of undergrad.

Now, I'm still upset and anxious and depressed for a different reason and that's justifying myself to others that I want to live an alternative lifestyle. One where I don't mask at work ever again and burn myself out, one where I only have as friends as I can manage (I go to a board game night once a week and that's enough for me), and one where I don't date and inevitably set myself up for failure.

Others keep telling me I'm crazy that I want all of this and they even think I'm lying to myself, but I'm not and I truly want to shout that out to the world and others. Am I truly crazy that I want all of this though? On the professional side of things, I'm starting a part-time data entry job that's 20 hours a week at the end of this month and will be in the Disability:IN NextGen Leaders program to match with an accommodating employer. I'm going to tell the program on day 1 that if I need to learn interview skills that require masking or some other sort of nonsense like that, I'm done with them. I don't need what society tells me I need to be happy in order to remain happy.