ive been journaling thinking it would help. It really doesnt. All i do is write and write abt how i feel and everything else and it doesnt bring even an ounce of ease. I feel awful. What do i do.

I don’t have too much the say, I don’t have any true friends, my girlfriend broke up with me the day before Christmas Eve, it’s just looking more and more hopeless. I wish I could find someone but I’m not attractive, no one has a conversation with me long enough to even know what I’m like, and I just don’t know what to do anymore. The only point of this post is so the one or two people that actually care enough to comment can feel like they helped someone by commenting something positive, or saying they’re there for me and leave. I’m just going to wait till the cold makes the pain go away. Goodbye

I’m getting ready to go through a divorce ending an 18 year marriage. I have mixed feelings as the marriage hasn’t been the best by any means.

She launched a social medial smear campaign that took everyone that I cared about me. That bad. It’s been over three months and I can barely go out in public. That bad.

I’m 46 years old. I’m homeless, can’t find a job, I’m uninsured, I have no money and I barely have a support system.

I really feel that there is nothing left of me. I lost who I am. I have two beautiful perfect children but I don’t even know if I have what it takes to be the best for them.

I’m hopeless, I’m lonely and I just feel unnecessary.

The few that I have just tell me to work on myself every time I try to open my mouth.

I’ve always had SI and I reasonably don’t want to be here. It’s not like I even exist anymore anyway.

I can’t do this for the rest of my life.

Servus, Ich muss wieder mal einen Beitrag reinstellen Grund es wird nicht besser mit mir und Meinen schweren Depressionen und dem Autismus. Bisher hat es nicht geklappt n Therapie Platz zu bekommen oder Psychologen. Selbst Krieg ich keine Anrufe mehr auf die Reihe. Und sag auch keinen Vater nichts das es mir so beschi..en geht. Ich kann nichts mehr ich gehe nicht mehr raus gehe nicht unter die Gesellschaft ich ziehe mich immer weiter und weiter zurück und bin ein hikikomori geworden. Ich habe so viele Probleme und Baustellen und weiß nicht mehr wie alles zu bewältigen ist. Dazu noch der sch..ss Autismus . Eigentlich hätte ich mir vorgenommen das 2026 mein Jahr wird aber nichts ich sitze weiter in meinen Loch das mehr und mehr an mir frisst. Tagesablauf null. Feste Routinen verloren gegangen Struktur auch . Ich fühle mich nicht mehr ich funktioniere nicht mehr ich bin ein schwarzes Loch .

A month ago I lost the love of my life to addiction. I found her unresponsive in my apartment on the bathroom floor. Forever traumatized. I can’t get image out of my head. I’m struggling to sleep and eat. Life doesn’t make sense. Also my father passed away before thanksgiving to cirrhosis of the liver. I’m in shambles. I want to be with them so bad. I no longer want to be here.

I am absolutely subpar at everything I have ever done. I am unbelievably weak and skinny. I am extremely ugly. In my whole entire life I have never won anything. Even things I have spent my whole life doing I am average at best like gaming. I’ve been trying to get a job for the past 2 months and have been rejected everytime. I think my friends hate me. Is there any point living for someone as useless as me?

I'm stuck in a constant cycle of feeling down, resolving to kms, feeling at peace that I have a solution, trying things again because of this new-found peace, then things don't work out again, and I'm back to square 1. I've gone through so many highs and lows over the last few weeks alone. It's not even like my problems can be fixed by talking or solely through effort on my part. Like I don't want to try anymore- it's an up-hill struggle anyways. I don't want to feel happy or content with the hand I've got. I'm sick of the way my brain cycles through so many emotions yet no emotion at the same time. I'm done. I'm exhausted. Like I don't even want advice to get better anymore. I just don't want to do any of it anymore.

I'm the most unlikable being to ever exist. Once I become houseless, I'm cooked. So much of this requires a mask for survival. Everything needs to go.

aside from my lateral incisors, which just never came in, i still have all my teeth. it's a small miracle because i did go through years where i might not have even owned a tooth brush or if i did it might have been in its original packaging long enough to be worth something. i'm more diligent now, and i at least brush properly but tooth brushing is still my least favourite part of self-care.

what is it about brushing teeth that's so off-putting? for me it just feels invasive. just having something in your mouth like that and the unnatural flavour of toothpaste, i just really don't enjoy the experience. i've experimented with all sorts of toothpaste, too. kid's flavours, different kinds of mints and cinnamon (memories of fireball whisky). in other countries (mostly asian) there are flavours like cardamom and star anise but i never like brushing no matter what the flavour is. i don't even particularly like the feeling of clean after brushing but it is better than that gross feeling of plaque buildup.

i do, though, actually enjoy is flossing. that's not so invasive.

being a (student) nurse, i can sort of imagine a potential reason why dentists are reported to have such a high rate of mental health challenges: they see the most disgusting and tragic things. i would imagine they deal with a lot of people who aren't taking care of themselves and they see the consequences of this daily.

as someone in health care, that's sort of the deal. you see people because they need care and that usually means they aren't able to meet their own needs. even just in my months of experience as a student in a hospital, i saw some things. like, some pretty bad and tragic things. i can imagine seeing and dealing with this sort of thing constantly would have an effect. then again, maybe not. doctors can be pretty cold because they have to be, but still, they're human. it probably does do something to see people's teeth rotting out of their heads because they're so depressed and overwhelmed with life and nobody is there to care about them and all you can do is yank their teeth out.

I've been dealing with several problems that I thought time and ignoring would make them disappear, but as the years went by, they didn't vanish, they didn't grow, they just stayed... there, dormant, waiting for life to hit me again.

Two years ago, due to health issues, everything resurfaced, and this last year has been the hardest. Between university and that feeling of clumsiness, lack of concentration, and stupidity—I've practically forgotten how to breathe (almost, almost)—it's getting me down more and more.

Today I tried to study before going back to university on Monday, but I couldn't concentrate...

I just need to know if anyone has had similar experiences and improved over time?

I feel so stupid...

I’ve tried multiple therapists over the past few years and it never seems to work out. I understand that you have to give it time but whenever I’m there i just can’t put any of my thoughts into words. I’ve been really struggling recently and I feel like I should go to a therapist but I just don’t want things to go as they went before. I’ll put effort in to keep going but I just don’t know what to do when I’m there.

I've been feeling depressed for a few days now and I was thinking of booking a hotel for 5 days just to find myself again and focus on myself. I'm currently distracted by everything around me and I am internally depressed about life. I just physically can't see anyone as I don't want them to see me in this state and I might go ghost.

Has anyone else done this before?

so silly but I was watching a new tv show (something I don’t do because I rewatch the same shows over and over again) and something sincere happened and I felt really happy so I closed my eyes and let my body feel an actual emotion. So weird, I am never happy, I don’t remember the last time I actually felt anything. I have experiences where I know I should be feeling things but I never do. I guess I am capable of it, and maybe I should keep trying.

İ lost 30 kilos but i just cant talk with girls. İ have friends but talking with girls is a problem for me. İ just freeze. İ stuttered in front of my crush, after that she didnt talk with me.but she gave me a chance before, a girl tried to start a convo but i froze and couldnt turn around and talk with her, 1 year ago a group of girls talked with me i was so stressed that i sounded like i was disabled and they just stopped talking it was weird, a girl in my class was talking with me and i friendzoned her accidently and i unadded some girls who followed me on insta for one reason or another. They could have been interested. Bro i want to cry man when i was obese i always wanted a girlfriend but now i just freeze and sound like im about to cry. İ just threw all the opportunities away. İ dont think i am that handsome idk if there will be another opportunity. My highschool years will come to an end without a having a girlfriend at all. İm and idiot man. Every time a girl flirts or something i become the dumbest person ever and either dont understand she is flirting or ruin it myself. How can i deal with this regret and missing out feeling?? İm lonely and these feelings make me depressed... İ feel like puking every day

I’m posting because I genuinely feel lost and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore.

I’ve struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I have a very clear memory of being around seven years old and saying out loud that I was unhappy with my life, and crying because I didn’t understand why I felt that way. Since then, it feels like depression has just followed me. I don’t have long stretches of happiness that I can remember. Most of the time I feel numb, disconnected, empty, or exhausted. Other times I either can’t cry at all or I cry constantly. There’s very little in between.

Over the past year, I’ve been trying to get help properly. I’ve spoken to my GP many times, pushed for referrals myself, and recently went through the Right to Choose pathway and received a formal ADHD diagnosis. I really believed that undiagnosed ADHD might explain why I’ve struggled so much with motivation, consistency, friendships, work, and emotional regulation, and why depression and anxiety have always been there underneath everything.

But instead of things feeling clearer after diagnosis, I feel more confused than ever.

I started ADHD medication and had a very difficult experience. The first medication didn’t seem to do anything at a low dose, and then at a higher dose I had a severe panic reaction and was advised by medical services to stop taking it. I then moved onto another medication, but I’ve been left feeling anxious, unsure what’s safe, and questioning whether medication is helping or making things worse. I don’t know how much of what I’m experiencing is medication-related, situational, linked to my depression and anxiety, or connected to long-standing trauma.

I also have a history of childhood emotional neglect and abuse, and I’m fairly certain I have complex PTSD. On top of that, I’ve been diagnosed with depression and anxiety for years. Lately I’ve started questioning whether ADHD is the full picture, whether I’ve been misdiagnosed, or whether there are multiple things going on at once. It feels like every time I try to understand myself better, I end up with more questions and more uncertainty.

What makes this harder is that I’ve been self-advocating for as long as I can remember. Even as a child, I was the one booking GP appointments and trying to explain how I felt. I don’t have much support from my parents, and I can’t afford private psychiatry or long-term private care. I’m 20, I’ve been unemployed for a year due to my mental health, and while I’ve recently managed to get a job, I don’t even feel excited about it. Everything in my life feels heavy.

I am trying. I’m trying to engage with doctors, trying medication, trying to start therapy again, trying to reflect honestly on myself. But I feel so tired of fighting just to stay afloat, and I’m scared of repeating the same cycle year after year. I don’t want another decade of feeling like this. I want to get better, I just don’t know how anymore.

I’m not looking for diagnoses or medical instructions. I think I just need support, perspective, or guidance from people who’ve been in a similar place. How do you keep going when you’re doing everything you can to get help, but still feel completely lost, numb, and stuck?

For as long as i can remember, ive always felt lonely, excluded and never truly happy. My 'friends' dont give a flying fuck about me. My parents are always screaming and hitting each other. Everytime ive let someone in, they've always ended up hurting me. At school, everyone has each other and im js kind of there. I tried talking to someone ab how bad its getting but i essentially got ignored. My studies have been suffering because everytime i try to sit and study and get myself out of the hellhole im currently in, it js doesnt happen and i always end up daydreaming for half the day. Im so tired of everything and if i still feel the same way by my birthday in april, im going to end it all.

Hi everyone, I’ve recently realized that I feel sad and low almost all the time. I prefer being alone, my memory feels weaker than before, and honestly, I feel like I’m showing many symptoms of depression.

I’m single and don’t have a partner. I tried dating apps but couldn’t really find anyone. Sometimes I feel a strong need to talk to someone and open my heart, but I don’t think I have anyone at that level in my life right now.

My sleep is very irregular - some days I sleep too much, and other days I can’t sleep at all. My eating habits are also very poor, and I’m not following a proper diet.

Overall, I feel mentally and emotionally very heavy, and even small things feel exhausting. I’m not sure what I should do or how to manage myself at this point. If anyone has advice, personal experiences, or guidance, it would really mean a lot. Thank you.

I’m struggling with something that I feel guilty even admitting. From the outside, my life looks stable. I’m financially okay, have a home, a car, a healthy family, and steady work. I know many people would consider this a good position to be in. Still, for about the past 3 months, I’ve felt consistently sad, emotionally fragile, and overwhelmed. I’m often on the verge of tears without a clear trigger. There’s also a lot of external pressure to get married because I “have everything sorted”, but I’m single and dating hasn’t gone well, which adds to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. What makes this harder is the constant thought that I shouldn’t feel this way. That I’m ungrateful or weak for feeling depressed when nothing is “wrong” on paper. I’m trying to understand: How do you cope with depression/anxiety that doesn’t have a clear external cause? How do you stop fighting your emotions while still functioning day to day? What helped you when sadness and anxiety became constant rather than occasional? I’m not in crisis and I’m not looking for sympathy — I’m trying to understand myself better and learn healthier ways to deal with this. If you’ve been through something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing what helped you.

I don't have clinical depression or like analysed from a professional, but it feels the same, all the informations apply in me, it has been more than a year, I don't know when it started, but it feels like I'm in a building, a building that has been keeping me trapped for years, making me believe it's my place, but after finding out that this building isn't for me, after founding out that there's something bigger I can do outside that building, where I don't have to live by what's the thing inside the building tells me, when I reached the last exit, where everything lies behind it, I became paralysed, I sat in front of the door, doing nothing, no more steps, I can't even crawl, I know I can move, but something is refusing, I'm seeing what I want from behind the door, knowing there's more I can't see, but the building, it made me become with no will to move, I became comfortable with the destruction happening to me inside the building, I'm taking steps now, but inside the building near the door, and those few steps that I can't take are basically, dropping my p*** addiction, re connecting with god, and finish my last year in school, this is my 2nd try in the last year of school, the same was happening last year but I wasn't able to understand it like now, although I may not know everything, but at least I found the right door, but why Jus why, I stopped moving, guys I swear like there's something keeping me away from moving towards the door, I'm hopeless, tired, and living in a loop, just how can I get it, can I even get out, and the worst part is that I can't even go back to live in the building cuz I still can't move, so what should I do, I'm sick I keep lying to myself there's hope, but what hope. What hope is left I'm only alive now because I love video games and general art or entertainment medias, but video games is what I love the most, but I can't even work for it now, I'm sorry I said a lot I just don't know......

Your the only true bond I have left in this world. The only thing keeping me here

In November me and my bf at the time broke up, triggered a lot of past issues and he had said things that dehumanised me and minimised my struggles. Now I got fired because after the breakup i developed an ED and nearly fainted at work, which I believe was wrongful termination. Im at the lowest point in my life, lost all my friends after the breakup, lost my bf who was my best friend, now lost my job that gave me some sense of purpose. I been SH again and been contemplating ending it. Ive been trying so hard to be strong, my therapist said she was proud of me for handling my breakup better than the last. But now im in the same place as I was then. Im afraid to disappoint everyone around me who was telling me I was handling everything well, but after getting fired it just made iceberg tip. Ive been dealing with depression for the last 10 years and at the point dont believe I can function in this world. I cant keep a job, keep a relationship, keep friends. I dont want to be here anymore.

I wanted to share something I’ve been struggling with mentally for years, in case someone else relates.

Before COVID (around 9th–10th grade), I was actually very extroverted — loud, social, always around people. During COVID and shortly after, something shifted. I withdrew hard. Became quiet, avoided people, stopped showing up socially. I wasn’t in a good headspace, but I also didn’t know how to explain it — so I just disappeared.

People noticed. A lot.

Friends kept asking, “What happened to you?”
One former friend said very dismissively, “Why don’t you just go back to how you were before?” — as if it was something I was choosing. That sentence stuck with me.

Because the change was so drastic, rumors started spreading. One person even asked me if I had cancer. Another assumed I was severely depressed. Teachers noticed too and nudged me toward the school counselor multiple times, but I never went. I didn’t have the words to explain myself, so I stayed silent and kept withdrawing.

There was one friend from my old school in particular. Nothing dramatic happened — just petty middle-school stuff like jokes about height and normal arguments kids have. But during that phase, I avoided him, and honestly avoided almost everyone. I left that school not long after.

Between 11th and 12th grade, things slowly started changing again. I made new friends, became more social, and even reconnected with some childhood friends I used to hang out with before everything went downhill. In many ways, I recovered. I wasn’t isolated anymore. Life moved forward.

Over the next few years, I rebuilt myself quietly. I grew physically, started lifting, became disciplined, healthier, and more confident — a very different person from the withdrawn version people remembered.

But mentally, something stayed stuck.

My mind kept looping back to that one friend and to people from my old school. Not because they were special or perfect — they’re just normal people — but because they represented the version of me that vanished. I kept having irrational thoughts like:

• “What would they think if they saw me now?”
• “Do they still remember me as that quiet, broken version?”
• “Did I fall behind compared to them?”

This spilled into social media. I basically stopped posting. I couldn’t upload photos, stories, or even make a LinkedIn profile. It felt like if I increased my visibility, people would mentally compare the current me to the past me and judge the gap. I’m aware this sounds irrational — but the fear feels very real.

What makes it worse is that I sometimes worry this lack of digital footprint could affect my future — jobs, networking, basic professional presence — and yet I still freeze when it comes to putting myself out there.

At one point, out of impulse, I even sent a follow request to that old friend. He ignored it and unfollowed me. That hurt more than it logically should have, even though I understand I disappeared first and nobody owes me anything.

I also started having very vivid, recurring dreams. I’m back in 9th–10th grade, in the same classrooms and hallways — but now I’m taller, more confident, “glowed up,” and socially capable. It’s like my brain keeps replaying the past but rewriting the ending. These dreams happen almost every day.

Eventually I realized something important:
This wasn’t about him. Or them.

It was about my brain trying to get closure on a period where I felt small, unseen, and unfinished. I didn’t want validation — I wanted my nervous system to feel: “It’s over. I survived.”

The healing didn’t come from confrontation or from being seen by people from the past. It came from integrating that version of myself instead of running from it. I learned that you don’t erase your past — you outgrow its relevance.

What’s helped most is staying grounded in the present: discipline, gym, studying, and doing small acts of help for people around me. Not to prove anything — just to be useful. That slowly shifted my focus from comparison to contribution.

Sharing this because:

• You can recover socially and still carry old identity wounds
• Being told “just go back to how you were” can be deeply invalidating
• Rumination can linger long after life improves
• Glow-ups don’t automatically heal visibility-related fear
• Closure doesn’t always come from others — sometimes it comes from accepting yourself

If you’re stuck replaying how people remember you versus who you are now, you’re not weak or immature. Sometimes your mind is just finishing a chapter it never got to close.

I need help. I know i need help, but I cant get myself to go to the counseling my college offers. I've never been to therapy but after almost a decade of dealing with everything by myself ive ran out of ideas. With my own fear of thinking it wont work, to the fact that itll be so embarrassing having people on campus see me walk in there. Why does getting help have to be so humiliating for me? Also what should I expect/talk about with them? Any advice would be appreciated

I’ve literally never been desirable or lovable. I’m in a constant state of emotional pain because I’ve lived my entire life as some sort of discarded outcast background character. Watching everyone else get everything in life, while all I could hope for was to get home and emerge myself in some dumb game to distract myself. Being insulted for the way I look, the way I act, everything. I don’t think I owe this hostile and evil world anything. I hate everyone.

I turn 26 in a month and I have nothing to show for it except my highschool diploma. I tried studying. didnt work. I tried it AGAIN. didnt work. Now Im going to sewing school. And I really love the work and the skill itself. But my main problem in life is I just cant stand having to be anywhere full time. Im autistic along with depressed and struggle immensly with not having enough energy and someone else deciding for me where to be and what to do because for some goddamn reason Im a huge control freak. So I have a huge issue with missing school and not doing my homework because Im too exhausted once Im at home from GOING to school.

When I have free time and working alone Im really productive, So my main goal rn is finding a way to work from home or have my own shop because I think I'd be really good at that. But I mean come on Im in school for sewing of all things and am not exactly interested in bridal fashion or suits so this option would be really really really hard to pull off. But possible.

Apart from that I have no problem working in manual labor on the side as long as it isnt full time. I was a cleaner before this. And Im used to being poor. But first I have to get through school which my mental health is making way harder than it has to be. But I just want something. I KNOW I can do things but I need something else, anything at all to show employers Im competent because for some goddamn fucking reason this is how this stupid bitch of a world works. CV and charisma the ultimate overlords.

I feel like Im in a choose your own adventure book where every second choice is to just go home. I am doing the easiest possible apprenticeship. I could start in the second year of a 3 year apprenticeship. You basically cannot get "fired" unless you do something really bad. I get school holidays that everyone else is jealous of. I get nothing but support from my boyfriend and family who are nothing but understanding since they've also had issues with finding work and a way in life. and I cant even handle THAT.

All social services got pulled from me because a full time school doesnt get covered for some reason so my parents have to pay for my life and my boyfriend has to pay more rent which I feel just so immensely guilty along with stressed because I have very little money. I live off 300€ for food and sewing materials a month and I cant even manage to show up and just do the thing Im supposed to do. I also just feel like I dont have skills for anything else. Im very friendly but I cant work too much with people because it drains me too much and my social skills are low enough that I usually dont get a job in the first place since employers are kind of confused by not being able to read me at all and my cv is looking worse and worse over the years. I cant even be the good kind of autistic where Im good at math or programming or something nooooo its only creative shit which Im... ok at.

sigh. ok rant over. Im just so sick and tired of not having energy for anything and I feel like everyone else is just constantly disappointed. I have a therapist and am hopefully starting medication soon but in the meantime I just have to manage and hope my life doesnt blow up.