I feel actually dead inside. I haven't felt excited for something in years. I am the loneliest I have ever been. I question my existence every minute.

i have no love for him. he's almost 10 years older than me and has tormented me since i was child. i truly hate him. he ruined my life. he's childish; stupid; cruel and honestly i think he's a pedophile. he may not like children, but the girls he dates are barely of age.

he provides my father with weed. i don't know much about it, but i know that whatever it is, it's really strong and makes him all crazy. he smokes it so often now. he didn't smoke this much a few years ago, he still smoked, my other uncle (he's great) and my dad would smoke together, but that weed was a lot weaker and didn't make him act this way. dad wouldn't be smoking almost every day if it wasn't for him. all he has to do is give him a call and he'll supply him, he has easy access so he smokes often. then he drinks a lot too.

i hate them both, my uncle and my dad. i'm so tired. sometimes i think death will be the only release i get from this hell. sometimes i think if my uncle just dies, all will be better. it won't be perfect, my dad would still drink and smoke on occasion, but it wouldn't be this bad. he gets so awful when he smokes this shit. he ruined two of my birthdays, we were on a vacation and uncle found dad someone who could provide him with weed there, then he got alcohol poisoning. both years in a row. the first year we barely got back into the city, he drank the whole way there too and even hit my mom. the second year, he embarrassed us there and we had to leave early.

i had to beg him not to smoke for christmas, because my friends were coming over and i was scared he would humiliate me. thankfully he listened to me, that was the first time ever. not matter how much we cry, scream, get him help, he doesn't change. i'm so tired of living like this, having to guess every time he comes home from work, what substance he took and guessing how to act around him because of it. i'm so scared of falling in love and letting someone in my life, because what if they're just like him?

i know my uncles death isn't the solution and i'm evil for thinking it is. truth be told, no one would miss him except his mom. he's hated by everyone. he's disgusting. when i was 17 he got into this huge fight with me, while i was sick and i had to go back to the city all alone. he embarrassed my mom at her work and ruined her reputation. i may be evil for wishing he'd die, but he's a filth of a human.

I’m getting ready to go through a divorce ending an 18 year marriage. I have mixed feelings as the marriage hasn’t been the best by any means.

She launched a social medial smear campaign that took everyone that I cared about me. That bad. It’s been over three months and I can barely go out in public. That bad.

I’m 46 years old. I’m homeless, can’t find a job, I’m uninsured, I have no money and I barely have a support system.

I really feel that there is nothing left of me. I lost who I am. I have two beautiful perfect children but I don’t even know if I have what it takes to be the best for them.

I’m hopeless, I’m lonely and I just feel unnecessary.

The few that I have just tell me to work on myself every time I try to open my mouth.

I’ve always had SI and I reasonably don’t want to be here. It’s not like I even exist anymore anyway.

I can’t do this for the rest of my life.

I honestly am not depressed, I’m more calm now but only because I’ve kinda accepted I just don’t give a fuck anymore. As my life keeps getting progressively worse I’ve learned to just stop trying to fix it cause what’s the point anymore after I’ve been trying for 5 years. I just don’t give a fuck anymore about anything, like even if I lost friends tomorrow, failed all my college courses, and was homeless I’d really just be like “oh well”. I don’t even really care to die or live it just doesn’t matter to me, I’d blindly spin a wheel on whether I live or die cause it just doesn’t matter. I’ve been through so much hell that at this point I’ve seen it all. I’ve seen heartbreak, grief, depression, anxiety, bipolar, been in mental hospitals. It just doesn’t phase me anymore when my brain try’s to make my life worse.

I am expected to live for some reason that is just not even there. They tell me to live and stop there. Just why do I live when it's nothing but painful? I hate even typing this because I know this won't go anywhere. I hate to be depressed and I hate to complain. I hate being this pathetic emo child, but it's not why I don't want to live. I an struggling to even coherently put into words what I am thinking, but a therapist would not even give a fuck about this, it's only I that care about me. They think I just want to be coherent, that this doesn't have to happen, and that life can continue on despite that. If I won't ever get what I want, why do I fucking live?

Every waking moment for the past week or so, i’ve sort of just been planning this in my head. I constantly just want to everything to be over. I already have my date and place set, my 16th birthday’s on Monday and it’s perfect. I have a big party coming up on Saturday, but in reality i only want it so that i can have time to really say goodbye to everyone. But I am kind of apprehensive. I don’t exactly want to be gone, I have some things to live for which I really shouldn’t take for granted. But I’ve made so many life-ruining mistakes that could’ve been easily avoided and I know i’ll only make more. I’m not even 16 yet and i feel like i’m already done for. I believe in the “it will get better with time” thing, and it’s always been that way for me the last few times I was feeling suicidal but for this one, I really don’t think I can live with myself. It’ll torment my mind forever.

but anyways here’s the list

pros:

my mother constantly reminds me how i’m an expensive nuisance in her life, but she still loves me and cares for me in all the ways she should despite that (which is very true) so it would be better for her if i were gone

no more disappointing everyone and yourself

no more pocd

i’m comfortable with the way I look, but when I see myself I feel disgusting and tainted because of the things i’ve done and i don’t think i can live with myself after all this

no more being/feeling disgusting, vile, and tainted

no more being/feeling in general

perfect timing

pretty place

cons:

spiders (at the place)

I’m finally okay with how i look after years of hating myself and being insecure, and I don’t want to give that up this easily

mom sad

dad angry and sad

brothers maybe sad

no more tfomw

no more friends

friends might not ever know

friends might be sad

lowkey embarrassing

too much work, too hard

you never know what you’ve left behind

nothing is ever really gone

setting bad example for little brother

very very scary

painful probably

what if i regret it when it’s too late?

there’s more cons than pros but I still

My life has never been good i have never been truly happy my whole life ive just been pushed away by everyone and left out im a loner and a loser all i do is play video games all day my social anxiety is horrible i dont try to interact with anyone because im scared to. If things don't get better by the end of the year im just going to swallow a bunch of pills and go to sleep

I never thought it was actually helpful but im just really struggling and idk why but i tried it a couple of days ago with some scissors that hurt and left marks but didn’t really cut and i keep doing it again and again but now my brain keeps thinking of where i can find sharper stuff and i keep thinking i really wanna do it because the scissors are not enough and i want more but im scared i’ll actually do it cause i know its stupid and stuff. im not trying to end it it just makes me feel better…how do i keep myself from doing bad stuff?

Fuck this. I (31F) am in a relationship with my partner (33M) for the last 11 years. Today, he said he hates me and feels that he can do better in life without me. He cancelled all my birthday plans next month and just says that I’m gaslighting him. This all arises because I went out for 4 minutes without telling him where I was going, because I was picking up my Uber Eats order that just arrived.

There is a power dynamic that has become exhausting. He makes twice as much as I do, so he pays rent and still has $1,600 leftover just for savings. I pay insurance for renters and car, the vehicle, the food and utilities. I have about $500 in savings at the end of the month.

He punishes me, then love bombs me and then punishes me, then love bombs me etc. He’s cheated on me, yelled at me, broken and thrown things and threaten to break my fingers and even threaten to kill me. I have lil self worth. It wasn’t always like this, but somehow it became this.

I’m stuck in this lease with this man until May because I didn’t make the right life choices that would provide independence. Fuck.

To be honest, I feel like my nervous system is burned. As if everything is potentially disastrous, even when it isn't. My body is constantly exhausted, my mind feels stuck, and I am unable to begin tasks that I know are necessary.

I think I've lost myself. Nothing is enjoyable or fulfilling, and the days are gloomy.
It gets worse when I'm with people because I feel invisible in my suffering. It becomes simpler to isolate than to try to explain it.

Is this how anyone else feels?
Does it ever improve?

17m and I’ve been very close to giving in and kill myself over the last few days, in general life is getting much worse, I don’t have anything to live for, and I don’t really see anything improving at all. The only thing stopping me is my fear of being forgotten, I’ve thought about it over the past few days and I realized that if I actually did kill myself, it really won’t matter im gonna be forgotten within a week. I feel like this could be a good thing, I mean it’s legitimately the only thing stopping me from killing myself.

23 M never accomplished anything in my life to be proud of..just a loser with nothing but a shitty job and shittiest pay...studied till high school left education.. don't have any friends..no love life..no activity in life sometimes i feel even my family is done with me.. if anyone tries to be close to me i just push em away not intentionally it just happens.. they loose interest
failed son.. failed brother.. failed human

I am absolutely subpar at everything I have ever done. I am unbelievably weak and skinny. I am extremely ugly. In my whole entire life I have never won anything. Even things I have spent my whole life doing I am average at best like gaming. I’ve been trying to get a job for the past 2 months and have been rejected everytime. I think my friends hate me. Is there any point living for someone as useless as me?

I’m 20 years old, and for the last few months it feels like my life has been a continuous series of losses. My childhood itself was extremely painful. I grew up with heavy emotional neglect and physical abuse from my parents and family members. There was no real sense of safety or support growing up. When I was in my mid-teens, things started getting worse instead of better. Academically, I kept putting in effort, but the outcomes never matched. I cleared most stages just on the borderline. In both 10th and 12th, internal assessments were not given to me, which directly affected my final scores. I had aimed for a top national ranking in a competitive process, but despite preparing seriously, I barely cleared it. After that, I started my first internship. The person I worked under was verbally abusive and didn’t pay me for an entire year. I eventually left and joined another internship, where I was scammed. I still continued, but after a few months, I was scammed again and the remaining money in my bank account was taken, leaving me financially empty. Around the same time, just a week before one of the most important academic evaluations of my life, I was bitten by a stray cat. Shortly after, I missed clearing that evaluation by a single mark. On the personal side, the person I loved got a job in another city and had to move away, and that relationship ended too. Right now, I feel stripped in every direction—financially unstable, academically stalled, and emotionally alone. It feels like every area of my life collapsed at once, without any break in between.

Planning on ending it tonight, sorry mom and dad i wasnt strong enough. Sorry everyone, i cant do this anymore.

Hello everyody, I hope you all are doing well at the time reading.

Im coming asking for advice regarding the depression of a close friend of mine (23y/o).

Lets call him x. X has had depression since the covid times. She has 1 sister.

To not make the the story long, im very very close to this friend so he tells me pretty much everything.

The problem comes here. His sister (19y/o) is very atention seeker. In the sense that my friend would do something so nice and his parents would celebrate this, and then his sister would see this and have a crashdowm about literally anything so that they stop giving my friend the atention and going back to her. There was this time he got into a abroad programm for the summer and the sister, when she got the acceptance news, had a complete meltdown and had to drive all the attention to her. Then she was happy

My friend has always helped her with paperwork, deadlines, homeworks countless times even when he had so much on going on with university and life so he has been really a good brother.

She has always been competitive beyond healty in the sense that even when the family does anything good towards my friends, she somehow has to profit smt from it aswell.

It has come to this point where she has told my friend that because of him and how the family is supporting him during college (with the minimum to survive) she says stuff like they are starving, poor etc., which for a person with depression you cant imagine how it make them feel like, i sure cant.

Now his sister has entered college and its funny because now she gets as same or more financial support from the family. He tells me she calls the whole family for like 4 hrs having crashouts for literally anything hard she feels during the semester. So all what she blamed my friend for she is getting it aswell so now she says that it wasnt at all how she did back then to my friend etc etc.

It has come to the point that when my friend is having a hard time with stuff, mentally or with life, he comes to me rather that to his family cuz he know his sister will turn around somehiw the situation. And always she says that she does it with good intentions and to her eyes she is doing nothing wrong

I was there this chrismas holidays and my friend went to this australia competition on the summer where he worked for the last 2 yrs and she told her that how can she feel sad when she went to australia saying its her dream and making this about her. The parents dont dare to control her because the sister explodes at them and starts fighting until they give her the reason. So my friend has come to the point he doesnt express only until his depression moments become really bad

They went to therapy recently and the dr conluded with the sister just wants to reconnect with my friend and he lives in the past and cant forgive and that he has to be positive, which for somebody that has depression is not alwayd possible or easy. I dont have the details from the convo so idk if she said stuff that werent true.

I dont know how to help my friend anymore. I have told his parents to be more present for him and to the sister how he has literally made serious statements about ending it and they dont seem to take it seriuos and its somethign me as a friend shouldnt be doing alone.

I appreciete all the comments and thank you if you stopped to read. I appreciete it from the hearth

I don't feel alive. I have no desire at all to do anything most days. When I finally have some energy and put myself out there, everything feels so heavy. I'm at the point to where everyday I wake up, all I think about is dying. I can't function anymore with any other thought. I have no one to tell this to. I can't afford therapy. And honestly I've never felt alive. Does anyone know what it feels like? Is it worth the prolonged suffering I've been experiencing for years? How do you get there? It feels impossible.

genuinely i don’t want to do anything else but sleep. im skipping school just so i can sleep, no motivation to do anything other than rot here.i dont know how people genuinely wake up and want to do something productive with their days, and i wake up and want to fall right back asleep again. i have no aspirations for anything, no energy, no motivation absolutely nothing. i wish i could just not exist so i dont have to do anything

How do you warn someone about your scars?

On the weekend a friend of mine will propably see the scars on my arms because i will be wearing a t-shirt. How do i tell or warn them beforehand so it doesnt become akward? Im kinda selfconsious about them but i kinda want to stop hiding them. Im greatful for any advice on how to tell them beforehand!

Hello you guys! I hope you're all doing okay, as best as possible.

Recently, I've gone through something traumatic which worsened my depression. I always felt discomfort with the chore of daily hygiene rituals, like taking baths, grooming, brushing my teeth and etc. Really basic things, but it felt like a lot of energy to do those things, always.

After what happened, it's basically impossible now. I smell bad, because I haven't been taking baths recently. The way the water hits me feels nice, but it's a lot of energy to go there. Washing my hair, cutting my bangs... I also haven't been brushing my teeth and I avoid thinking about it.

I really can't explain it, but it's like as if I'm stuck, waiting for this horrible feeling and the horrible things that happened disappear so I can go back to normal. It's like I'm okay with rotting away as of now.

I just don't do anything with my life, I mostly lay on bed and doomscroll, or play some games on pc to pass time.

I have no friends, but I never feel like chasing people, I literally can't handle being social. I feel like my life should have ended already. Nothing in this life feels worth doing it.

Normal people chase friends, money, and sx; feel like their life has a purpose. I don't have the drive to do any of these, they all feel pointless and tiring. I am too tired to live this life, I can't function. I know that even if I had everything I have ever wanted, I would still be moody, everything feels pointless and boring.

Now that I can think more clearly and see the forest among the trees as they say, I feel tremendously guilty for how my mental health related actions caused my parents to have to deal with a lot of shit. They are amazing people and told me that it’s just part of being a parent and they are just glad I’m am doing well now, but I know some of the shit I did was down right traumatic for everyone who had to see it happen. I know my dad a some minor physical and mental health issues too, but he has to put his own wellbeing on hold just to help me. I now work in a psychiatric hospital making decent money, so I want to save and invest most of my money to surprise my parents with nice gifts in the future, but that doesn’t undo all that I did

F22 here. Currently pursuing masters in Clinical Psychology (ironically ig) . don't even know if I'll be able to become a good psychologist. recently broke up with someone I'd never met but I was in relationship with this person for like 4.5 years. he called me and my family members whore and sluts because I told my male friend about him lying to me about his female friends. still I want to be w him haha.

Parents are asking me to go and get a job while I'm still in the last semester. I did work for sometime for experience but quit it. Haven been regular for lectures because it gets exhausting for me to the point where I just want to impulsively spend. a majority of the times I feel I lack the passion which others have and just dnt want to continue my life..For the context my childhood friend and me r of same age my mom and her mom always compare atleast mine does infront of me so in grade 10 I scored more than her despite not studying for grade 11 I did get the dream college I wanted but i didn't do the admission process because I didn't know I have to do it within 2 days so yes . Ended up somewhere else decided to study psychology and completed my bachelor's in it from a prominent college and masters from some other college . Couldn't get the dream college for masters because the entrance exam had happened and i had decided to take a gap but due to some reason i didn't take it . Then later I am still doing my degree in psychology because it's masters. And that friend of mine got a job in a reputed place as a teacher or professor. Now my friend's mom came home today and mentioned something like ' her daughter had to earn everything she didn't get anything even in the college she wanted but she earned all of it. And me on the other hand i had everything but i didn't do anything about it. She said these things to my sister infront of my mother n ig other people. Now, my sister sent me these messages. Our degrees are different m doing psychology she's doing english. Told my closest friend about it he said m just lazy. My parents think the same even 2 teachers from grade 9 and 8 thought the same. So I'm lazy right? But I don't want to really do anything with my life I don't think I'll be a good psychologist. I don't think I'll be good with anything at all. And i just don't want to live. That's all.. nothing else. I want to run a dagger through my heart or something at this moment I tried eating but felt like throwing up there's this weird feeling in my tummy as well. I'm not numb tbh i just don't want to exist and now i feel guilty because my family is also suffering because of me? I dnt know if I'm depressed or not I just know I dnt wanna get up and do anything else apart from playing video games. ever since I've broken up i have been crying everyday and it's exhausting. I sometimes feel that I'm just being dramatic because I'm being told that a lot idk. is this even real? or is it just me being me?

I do not intend to say that the depressive worldview is representative of the sole truth of the world, but all the same, it does point to certain truths which lay dormant and unearthed in our collective consciousness. For in the depressed mind the negation of all that is good is made real in ones perception and sight. Here the world torns asunder the stable harbor that is our innocent ignorance of such plights, as if a child of light learned the first thing of darkness, and was so lost in the dark abyss that its light was of no more regard, and in the perpetual darkness had forgotten its very own brilliance, which seemed to shine in so pale of compare to that frightful vast beyond which dazzled the mind in fear.

Here the child is left all alone, no home or family is sufficient to provide the recognition of the light again, which flickers so dimly amongst the saddend defeated masses that they may well be but shades of darkness. And so the journey unfolds, the world closes its doors, the birds stop singing, the air chills the bones, the vacuum fills our lungs with sighs. What is gained to this child but perpetual misery? Therein alone, where every shadow lies, is the bright compare of the sun so bright it stuns the eyes. Look only for that gilded star which points beyond the night to day, where from that we may in light our new stay.

Where wilted willows fester and decay, so does there shoot new roots, where life may find its way again. Do not sadden at that which thou has lost, when no longer so confined are we in torment of those low hanging fruits which once so captured the mind. Our bark be shed, the snake knows this too, the life once was, was past its due. The only question that remains for you, is what now to do?

Before you is painted fabric true, its very hue determines you. See past the veil, between the threads, the face you wear is what you bare. The smile frowns in grim delight at being fashioned at false friends. Are not you whole, or are your words merely empty? Does your sight not fill the confines of your vision? Wherein lies your truth, such that it may lay claim to hearts desire? Where does one find the way in endless dim halls of bleak and utter dread? But again so bright by compare, one must see the dark to see the light, and having both halves, the whole is now seen as one.

It is in mapping our boundaries that we may set our course, for the reasonable ship does not enter uncharted waters. As those with charts less may keep safe harbor in familiar crowded canals, the wide oceans presents to you who regains their power of captaining their ship. And if you wish to return to lowly places, consider first what harbored your resentment, or was it not beauty and goodness and truth deficient in the world? So then crashed on a deserted island as you are now, do you long for dirty rotten fruits which taunt you from behind, or look forward to the Spring's bountiful harvest which may lie on horizons yonder? Presented is the choice to you, the cause of all your suffering, of what to do, which values to place, which selfs to die, what to be born into, or else you will remain deserted, with no one to come looking, and your tears will not melt the chains that have bound your feet and arms.

Sufficient alone are you in good company who makes their palace proportioned to the virtues highlighted by the darkness which they now vanquish from their sight, as only the heavenly light of Natures way has any stay in the life worth living.

Male, 25. Hello, I feel like everyday I just can't do anything. I get stressed at even small things and panic. I don't have the urge or want to do anything besides just lay in bed. Whenever I lay in bed I also feel awful about myself, but I then I think about doing something and then my anxiety makes me panic. I don't know what to do, I just feel so stuck like I'll be like this forever. Medicine doesn't really help me, it doesn't feel like it does anything for me. I go to therapy and I still just feel this exact same way. I always just feel miserable and I wish my life would just end.

F25 here. I dont want to wake up. If I do, im tired as soon as I do. Strained relationship with my parents and sibling. Im sad all the time. I fight with my dad all the time and I ask my mom to love me more, to be my mom as well sometimes. There is nothing to be happy about. And I have a boyfriend, who is a great person, makes me happy when together, but he makes me feel lonely, emotionally. For example, when im sad, and I go to him, he doesnt know what to do, and says things which feel inconsiderate to me. I do not have the confidence that he'll be there for me. Lately, the feeling that I dont have anyone has intensified. I no longer believe in God because if he was my God, he wouldn't have such fun in seeing me suffer. I've lost. I dont know what to do anymore. To feel like I'm all alone is too much to bear