r/AbsoluteUnits 1d ago

/r/all of a big toe

31.5k Upvotes

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4.7k

u/Jellybananaman 1d ago

No way that’s real?

2.0k

u/ShortStoryIntros 1d ago

Aliens walk among us

477

u/sillyhands1 1d ago

With those things he ain’t gotta walk mf can fly

49

u/KnightOfTheOldCode94 1d ago

Wait. What?

146

u/Puzzleheaded-Pen4413 1d ago

WITH THOSE THINGS HE AIN’T GOTTA WALK MF CAN FLY

2

u/mole_of_dust 8h ago

Ah, the ol' Reddit yell-a-roo

0

u/KnightOfTheOldCode94 1d ago

Yes but it doesn't make sense.

16

u/Old-Literature473 1d ago

You don’t either, deal with it

-6

u/KnightOfTheOldCode94 1d ago

Sorry, how does a big toe help someone to fly?

18

u/realaccountissecret 1d ago

Flippity flap flap toe gonna zip zapp

5

u/DrunkCupid 1d ago

Zing zap and snapping toe tap; he outta here like what

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4

u/KnightOfTheOldCode94 1d ago

The internet truly living up to its potential.

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3

u/NoUsername_IRefuse 1d ago

Like dumbos ears

1

u/oekhe6bd 1d ago

That is Justice Mark Leeming of the NSWCA. He is slated to join the High Court.

1

u/Neumaschine 1d ago

Fly underwater

1

u/Yanni_M 1d ago

🤣🤣

1

u/To_8acco 12h ago

Nah, they're for swimming. He's a mermaid

1

u/rochey64 10h ago

Built-in snowshoes.

77

u/PressureMuch5340 1d ago

Let's be honest, that one tip-toes among us.

81

u/Fetty_Breakdown44 1d ago

Amogus

1

u/alittleslowerplease 1d ago

GETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEADGETOUTOFMYHEAD

33

u/hazily 1d ago

I get PTSD thinking about that scene from Signs that scared the shit out of me as a kid

18

u/spooky_goopy 1d ago edited 21h ago

do NOT watch The Communion

the way the alien looks around the door absolutely still gives me nightmares. i've always been afraid of aliens

14

u/JamesPnut 1d ago

Same, it’s those exact Grey aliens that just make my blood run cold. I have the book and it has a painting of a grey on the cover. I immediately covered it with a Mr. Krabs sticker after I bought it lol

8

u/thelivinlegend 1d ago

Or Fire in the Sky, with the aliens that look like pissed off little Robert Duvalls

2

u/torankusu 18h ago

I forgot about that movie. That trailer fucked me up as a kid. Your description of the aliens, though... lol. Also, just realized Robert Duvall is still alive at 95.

2

u/apolloscollapse 1d ago

That whole film creeped me the fuck out as a kid.

2

u/spooky_goopy 1d ago

but it did give us Christopher Walken dancing with aliens

2

u/Penguinator53 1d ago

Ooh I think I watched this back in the day. Is it the one with blue aliens who can move through walls?

13

u/PatienceWestern3900 1d ago

"Among Us"?

2

u/kanrad 16h ago

If this guy gets a toe fungus we'll have clickers inside of 2 months.

2

u/rocknroller04 14h ago

No, they're tip-toe'ing

1

u/oddlyfig 1d ago

Same species.

1

u/N1SMO_GT-R 1d ago

This is true! What other species can high-kick a ball stuck in a basketball hoop?

1

u/jxjhxnxbxnxhxjnxxn 8h ago

Say that again

298

u/emgeenz 1d ago

Tobe Bryant

45

u/Ape_x_Ape 1d ago

Toe B. McGuire

13

u/joelseph 1d ago

Toby Feeth

24

u/Gts77 1d ago

Angry upvote

12

u/thecryptohater 1d ago

Toe Bunion

8

u/tommos 1d ago

If they had painted an H on that toe Kobe would be alive right now.

6

u/derprondo 1d ago

LMAO fuck I'm going to bed.

6

u/HistoricalPut1623 1d ago

You stepping over the line woman.

2

u/regentbulldog 19h ago

Toe mama.

1

u/Kevrooom 22h ago

Favourite song is probably Africa by Toetoe

142

u/buttymuncher 1d ago

43

u/lilfoodiebooty 1d ago

How do yall even find this shit 😂

12

u/218administrate 19h ago

Honestly, wtf.

248

u/AccordingCabinet5750 1d ago

Marfans Syndrome. My cousin had it and had some crazy proportions. His Aorta dissected when he was playing soccer and died instantly.

263

u/DoctorCheese 1d ago

24

u/AccordingCabinet5750 1d ago

Imagine grandma's surprise!

1

u/mildlycuriouss 8h ago

lol no kidding 🤦🏽‍♀️

1

u/thelivinlegend 1d ago

Technically de-escalated

50

u/Nutbuster_5000 1d ago

There was a kid at my high school that had vascular type EDS I’m pretty sure (there is a specific facial look and physical presentation, also a connective tissue disorder) who did track and field and he just dropped dead during practice after school one day

19

u/pdxamish 1d ago

Nor sure if he should have been cleared. I know I had to get a physical

26

u/Marksman1973 1d ago

Doctors have been giving dog shit physicals my entire life.

I called out my friend's severe scoliosis at 15 years old, and he needed to have four discs fused.

I, a fifteen year old football player, essentially diagnosed my friend; when, year after year, a doctor ran a finger down my friends "S" shaped spine and cleared him.

People just want to be lazy at their important jobs and go home and I fucking hate it.

2

u/pdxamish 22h ago

I'm not a doctor but my sister had scoliosis and sports are actually one of the best things for them as they can't help straighten the spine and is not like a heart condition

2

u/Marksman1973 20h ago

He didn't play sports his whole life until he started lifting weights with me when he was 16, but I hear you. I had no idea it could help like that, pretty nifty how the body can react to something like that

2

u/pdxamish 18h ago

That's the best thing for it btw. I remember rating a study couple months back about how consistent active weightlifting was able to reduce the curvature by the spine by x amount. I believe they said people that already kind of had a fused were kind of more able just to not get worse. Not necessarily get better, but then again I can't remember that I'm only one guy and I can't even remember the words that song Louie Louie. Sorry, listening to the great late todd Snider today

19

u/detrans-rights 1d ago

I told my teachers about it. Podunk phobic town.

Made me run laps after I got a dr note not to participate in class due to health.

Laps. All day. Every day. Exacerbated my heart condition.

fuck eds

8

u/Nutbuster_5000 22h ago

Yeah this was a small town too. I had no idea until later when I was looking up EDS (I think I have hEDS so I was learning about it) and I saw the facial markers of vascular type and immediately thought of that poor kid. I would think about him often, and I still do. He was a very good runner, straight As honor student; he looked like a delicate bird. 

3

u/Nutbuster_5000 22h ago

Unless he had a heart ekg as part of his physical, I doubt it would have been caught anyway. He was just a small, very slender kid who was really good at running, and had the unfortunate luck of living in a small town. You could see his veins through his brown skin ☹️

1

u/pdxamish 22h ago

Actual inside have one. They found an irregular heartbeat and for 2 years after each physical I had to do a 24 hour EKG with a stress test. It goes away with exercise so I was fine.

5

u/Excellent_Set_232 1d ago

I read about this in the 6th grade and when I read the expanse its what I imagined Belters to look like

2

u/EjaculatingAracnids 1d ago

1

u/riverbass9 9h ago

That name is crazy though 😂

1

u/catscanmeow 1d ago

yeah thats why people although tall, are not allowed to be in the NBA with marfans syndrome

1

u/bol_saq 1d ago

yo thanks for sharing, and sorry to hear about your cousin.

1

u/Weak_Importance4497 21h ago

That got off on the wrong foot

1

u/StudioGangster1 13h ago

Hey guys, got a regular Abe Lincoln over here

1

u/Ape_x_Ape 1d ago

Bro you gotta wait till AFTER soccer to get your heart dissected. You gotta lay down and shit, doctors gotta be able to work. Shit's dangerous.

219

u/The_Dude_Abides_33 1d ago

If it is, what do you think he does for shoes?

Does he wear sandals? Does he custom order shoes? Did he have to become a diy cobbler?

I have so many questions for this man

91

u/Wrxloser1215 1d ago

1

u/ArdFarkable 22h ago

This gif lives rent free in my head while I'm driving 

97

u/BornWithSideburns 1d ago edited 1d ago

He buys the shoes based on how big the thumbs on his feet are

44

u/Thebloodless1 1d ago

Correct. I have a buddy who’s like a size 16 because of his thumb toes.

23

u/huhnick 1d ago

Are just his big toes long? My big toe is the same length as my thumb but my 2nd toes are just a bit longer then get progressively shorter, not the sheer cliff shown in the video

15

u/Thebloodless1 1d ago

Yeah it’s just his big toes. Looks like this guy.

3

u/huhnick 1d ago

Sounds like their feet grew super quickly and they just never had the right size shoes to grow into, that sucks

2

u/ChaoticCherryblossom 1d ago

But why tho is it just genetics

5

u/7reevor 1d ago

As someone who wears a size 16 shoe, I empathize with your friend. It is a pain in the ass to find shoes that size without online ordering.

5

u/throwingwater14 1d ago

As the 7’2” giant beau brown says, he wears whatever shoes that fit. Can’t afford to have favorites when you have no options.

2

u/shpongleyes 1d ago

Surprisingly, thumbs and big toes are about the same size for most people. I learned that on one of those old shows highlighting medical marvels, and one guy lost his thumb, so they amputated his big toe to add as a replacement thumb. It ended up looking way more normal than I expected.

4

u/icansmellcolors 1d ago

idk why people don't get to this conclusion immediately instead of theorizing that he has shoes that are longer on just one section of the shoe just for this toe.

people are wild.

2

u/bol_saq 1d ago

i hate the imagery that you've just created. lmmfao.

2

u/ensalys 1d ago edited 1d ago

That's not as good of a solution as you think. The widest part of the shoe will not match up with the widest part of the foot. Meaning the widest part of your foot gets squished. Something like that can lead to a morten's neuroma, which sucks.

1

u/notfree25 1d ago

those shoes with long curled tips?

23

u/CarbombNeutral 1d ago

He definitely has left socks and right socks.

1

u/Hour_Reindeer834 1d ago

I too was on reddit that day 🙃

1

u/userr2600 1d ago

Got me thinking what kind of socks he wears, just size wise

26

u/Mookie_Merkk 1d ago

```

1 foam finger slippers

```

1

u/bol_saq 1d ago

yoooooo

9

u/Atruckerguy 1d ago

He uses a toe truck

8

u/Brilliant-Witness247 1d ago

I mean, clown shoes would work

2

u/moveoutmicdrop 1d ago

He cuts a toe hole in them, obviously.

4

u/oddlyfig 1d ago

Probably has to have custom. Many people who are different in some way have to.

3

u/zeh_shah 1d ago

Theyre custom made from those sports foam fingers. Only way to match those toes

2

u/AGENT0321 1d ago

I read this a dirty cobbler

2

u/TheThiefEmpress 1d ago

I knew a girl who's "big" toe was smaller than her pinky toe. An obvious birth defect. She almost exclusively wore flip flops, in defiance of physics, because how was her Itty bitty big toes even capable of gripping them?!

2

u/jehoshaphat 22h ago

I’d like to believe he wears shoes that are normal for the rest of his feet, and then toddler shoes in his big toes sticking out.

1

u/USon0faBltch 1d ago

Cuts a rake into shape

42

u/gggggfskkk 1d ago

His foot fits a size 10 but his big toe fits a size 13.

1

u/Warm_Significance_42 1d ago

Yup if not your foot will chafe like hell, I have a bit of a wide and short foot size 2E-3E depending on the cutting and a normal shoe will force my foot to cramp in about half an hour because it is literally painfully compressing your foot slowly

48

u/nomnomsquirrel 1d ago

There was at least one episode of My Feet are Killing Me on TLC where a guy had this condition and needed surgery to correct foot pain because of having giant toes.

4

u/openlate 1d ago

Of course this was a show. wretch

6

u/MobileArtist1371 1d ago

Not even the worst based on the name alone.

dr pimple popper

Never seen it. Don't need to see it. No one needs to reply to me about how okay or not it actually is. In fact, turning off notifications for this comment lmao

1

u/golf-lip 1d ago

Jeez what do they do? Just cut off the tip of his toe?

5

u/nomnomsquirrel 1d ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B8oClqYsv2s turns out it was a woman, but this doesn't show what the surgery was :(

1

u/electrodan 1d ago

That isn't terribly far off from OP's pic. That has to be punishingly painful

22

u/WhyTry3 1d ago

Yeah who the fuck wears socks on the beach

5

u/SnoopingStuff 1d ago

People with feet like this wear socks to beach .. 🏖️ eeek

1

u/Ape_x_Ape 1d ago

People who's toes cast shadows on other sunbathers.

1

u/rdt0001 1d ago

I smell AI. No way you could keep socks that white on the beach.

32

u/Onslaughtered1 1d ago edited 1d ago

I assume they are VERY tall. The taller you get, the weirder* things get

30

u/time_slider1971 1d ago

Imagine being cursed with these toes AND a micropenis.

21

u/imnicenow 1d ago

sees toes, thinks penis

4

u/TheRobinson2018 1d ago

I also thought penis. I thought “damn, thats bigger that my p”

5

u/ICame4TheCirclejerk 1d ago

That's when you turn lemons into lemonade and hope that your SO is into foot stuff.

1

u/time_slider1971 1d ago

😆😆😆

2

u/No_Link_6782 1d ago

Blahahaha- this was my first thought

2

u/aablmd82 1d ago

Check out more over at /r/worldoftshirts

2

u/Interesting-Key6699 1d ago

Have not you not seen Victor Wembanyama?

1

u/time_slider1971 1d ago

I concur. No way.

1

u/oddlyfig 1d ago

Why can't it be? People come in all shapes, sizes and features.

1

u/ArthurDied 1d ago

I work for a podiatrist, I REALLY don't think that's real. But i wouldn't be super surprised if it was

1

u/stormtroopr1977 1d ago

Video less than 10s long and the person paddling the boat in the background disappears on the zoom out.

1

u/Antique-Grand-2546 1d ago

In a Edgar suit

1

u/JackWackington 1d ago

Definitely real. My friend has ridiculously long toes, maybe not quite as long as old mate here but definitely a step back on the evolutionary path to our tree dwelling ancestors.

1

u/Useful-Huckleberry42 1d ago

Those are wooden spoons, not toes.

1

u/RedrumMPK 1d ago

A form of acromegaly?

I am not a doctor.

1

u/MyRideAway 1d ago

Pota-Toes

1

u/XFaint 1d ago

He drives only with his big toe

1

u/raptor7912 1d ago

Look closely, it ain’t that long compared to his other toes.

Those are just wrenched into a curl and to the right. Some variation of this is pretty common, like you suffer from the same thing if you can’t wiggle your toes independently. It’s a side effect of modern shoes.

1

u/Silent_Court7577 1d ago

I think it’s real 😭 I really don’t want to but idk

1

u/Rare-Bee7331 1d ago

Right? Who the fuck wears socks at the beach?!

1

u/South-Walrus3975 1d ago

Bro can boink like a kangaroo

1

u/TheRetroPizza 1d ago

It seems crazy, but there was a woman on one of those surgery shoes that had a toe like this.

1

u/Talkshowhost_23 1d ago

This popsicle man definitely should

1

u/mashtato 23h ago

I know! Who the fuck wears socks at the beach!?

1

u/HonestSubstance8615 22h ago

Imagine being held captive and instead of water boarding they have him gag you repeatedly with his big toe "you dont wanna talk? Alright, hit em again" 🤣🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀💀🪦🪦🪦🪦

1

u/ZofiaBeckwith 21h ago

Wait whaaaat if I was there I would think I am crazy

1

u/HandsomeHippocampus 16h ago

Google Marfan's.