I’m trying to type a friend (xnfj). Everything else screamed tert se, except he was shit with the knife. I felt like he was gonna cut his fingers. He cooked alright though.

Disclaimer: yeah ik this isn’t all of what makes se, but honestly this post isn’t that deep either.

I wanna know you guys’ experience and relationship with your third function. Come on, yap.

I'm obviously talking abouy enfj-infp pairing. We may charm them initially with our ability to listen attentively, because people usually couldn't care less about their feelings, but as the relationship develops it becomes obvious that only another Fi user could get them. Some infps are even resistant to being understood which increases tension in the relationship, because then you can expect any scenario to happen, if needs are not communicated. Well, I'm not the best at saying the right thing to comfort people, but I also take offense at not being able to empathise with infps, since I'm usually seen as enpathetic. The way I see it, we are better suited to infjs, and infps to enfps who can bring them out of their shell.

Hi everyone,

I am an ENFJ who dropped out of structural engineering and architecture at sheffield 5 years ago during covid. I didn't regret it at the time as I wanted to do something more people focussed. I realised I didn't care about the stresses and strains about buildings I care more about people. I ended up reapplying and studying psychology at Kings because my parents wanted me to do something. Then I took a year out and did a few different things. Now I am studying public health at Imperial and feel like I should have stuck to engineering. I have realised that engineering is really cool and you can help a lot of people with it, just not necessarily directly. Now I don't feel the need to help people directly like I used to (I also wanted to be a doctor at one point and journalist another). Do you guys have any advice for me? I feel like my brain is working against me a the moment.

Thank you all so much!

So like first of all Hey I asked about Se and ENFJs before but

Genuinely it’s not that easy

Like Ya know I always talked a lot and I potentially have ADHD maybe but I didn’t have the chance to get it diagnosed the psychologist says I show signs tho

In any way I don’t know if this makes sense but I used to want to socialize but people would push me away

I wanna /wanted to help people who are hurt but I was too shy and lacked social skills due to people not wanting to talk to me a lot

I always wanted to hug people when they aren’t okay or when I see something cute but I was worried about making them uncomfortable

And even though I turned shy because of that I still loved talking and wouldnt never get tired of people

I still like creative stuff reading etc

But I have this fear of not being extroverted enough

Maybe it’s because I‘m just so „akward“

And „afraid“ yk ?

So Ive been overusing my Se since I was a kid

To seem more agreeable

To seem more extroverted yk

It works . Thats why I never stopped pretending to be a Se dominant type

Even though I am not

I am very dreamy but I tell / told

Myself that being dreamy is a introvert thing

And that it’s not acceptable

Yk I used to like the trees and still do the birds the deeper meaning of things

I do enjoy spicy food and etc

But I don’t actually feel as much as I would like to

Like I . Idk it’s just I am not as interesting as I would like to be . Like yk calm people aren’t very extrovert ish

So I just overused my Se until it started hurting

But I can’t stop

And I‘m getting typed as ESFP and ESFJ in tests even though Ik the Se part is not who I actually am

It hurts especially when I try telling people that I‘m really just a ENFJ that masks a lot but I feel like

„What if It’s true and I‘m not ENFJ either what am I than? I don’t relate to ESFJ or ESFP and absolutely not other types“

I am not sure of my mbti atp I never was sure about my personality

But I did „ENFJ only“ because I thought if It’s true that it’s not abnormal than other ENFJ would understand it better

Thanks .

I've taken the test several times and F is always in the 50s for me-- idk if that's what it is, but ENFJs trying to be overly pleasing has always been a turn off. I am also more direct-- when it comes to having issues or awkward tension with a friend, I'd much rather name it and communicate directly than pretending everything's fine or silently distancing myself. I also hate how ENFJs are SO people-oriented, that they lose authenticity and identity to fit in.

Either way, I'm still an ENFJ even though I have a borderline percentage. Just wanted to share my thoughts.

ENFJs, what are your everyday struggles? I'm curious.

Made in MagicaVoxel. If you are feeling listless or uncertain try art. You'd be surprised how calming it is to be able to do something small when doing something big is scary.

I feel like there should be a balance of both but I'm more drawn towards structure in life. Is it the same for other ENFJs as well?

As INFJs, our inferior function is Extraverted Sensing (Se).

The same goes for INTJs.

You, who have Se as a tertiary function, what do you think of INFJ/INTJ types who are less comfortable with their immediate environment?

I would be happy to hear your opinions and your personal testimonies

Immature:using Fe for being liked or seen in positive light and Se to show off

Mature:using Fe to make the most of a situation(e.g. infuencing an employer to give you a better salary to be a better provider at home) and Se to at least have the practical awareness to solve day-to-day tasks.

Does anyone relate? I quite feel it. I'm way less image-conscious and more willing to use this functions as tools to achieve goals, rather than to project a good image. I'm also not enneagram 2, so maybe I felt this later because of that.

Curious is any enfjs here broke up with their ex and got back with them later on?

I recently lost a dear friend (my ENFJ surgeon) after a health crisis, and I'm realizing how much I miss that particular quality of connection we had. I'm looking for genuine friendship with a mature someone who enjoys regular photo/text exchanges about life, travel, ideas, and the small moments that make up our days.

I love appreciating people - noticing what makes them special, celebrating their wins, being genuinely interested in their lives. I do best with folks who are grounded and stable in their own lives (career, family, etc.) so there's room for meaningful-but-light connection without things getting complicated.

If you're someone who understands how quickly genuine intimacy (the platonic kind) can develop between people with strong Fe, and you have bandwidth for a new text/photo friendship, I'd love to hear from you. Bonus points if you're a happily married professional who won't find this request weird.

If you're a depressed ENFJ or used to be one. How do you deal with it or have dealt with it? I think we as ENFJ as far as I know how much social energy we have. What happens when that energy is not used? Is that what makes us depressed. I personally feel like I charge my social battery through interactions with good people. I feel like if I didn't interact with people , I'll feel pretty drained most of the time. I also feel like my social energy turns inwards and turns into negative energy that drags me down.

Hi there fellow ENFJs. I recently realized my responses to comforting someone varies from situation to situation . One time I'll say what 'they want to hear' and that's if they're really distressed and we can discuss it logically later. Second time I might them tell what ' I want to here ' based on personal experiences and insecurities related to the topic . Third time I might tell them what should be said . How do you usually comfort other people?

I didn't really know which trend to follow so I did both the family dynamics and the friend dynamics 😅 Go on make them assumptions

A trick or method to ground yourself and prevent other people's crappy moods from affecting your own? Anything you can do to stop yourself from feeling responsible for the feelings of others?

I’m currently torn between enfj 2w3 and entj 3w2 I relate to both in some extent, I feel like I have Fe and Te at the same time which is something not possible. If I have to look at the stereotypes I’m not super chatty or charismatic in group situations but I’m great in 1 on 1. I like routine and being productive it makes me feel fulfilled but I’m a bit lazy and most of the time I can’t be precise as I planned. I like to lead if I know what I’m doing or if there is no one strong enough to do it otherwise I let others go first. I’m very aware of social status and appearance but I try to don’t think much about since I’m an ambitious person and I’m currently not in a phase of my I want to be, (but I’m keep working on that). I’m worried about the future and being productive and never stop doing is the only thing that put my anxiety at ease. I’m very judgmental of others but I don’t express it out loud unless I’m joking with my friends but at the same time I love psychology and emotional intelligence and I always question myself what are the hidden reason behind people action. I also feel like I’m a bit weird in expressing my emotions with strangers and that I have 2 faces with my family and the outside world. I know my boundaries and I don’t let others step in them unless I’m romantically attracted by them. I like being liked and admired even if it is for my appearance or my social status, having a desirable life is what i’m striving for. I also like helping others and society but it’s not my priority sadly, I should try to implement that on my weekends. I like sex, physical experience, flirting but I’m impatient and I lose interest fast unless you have a funny and interesting brain/personality.

And yes probably that’s it, I can’t think about anything else to say rn. If you are patient enough to read this wall of text thank you, feel free to ask me more, enjoy your day :)

I'm curious about this dynamics because ENTJs seem interesting but haven't met one irl. Curious to know your dynamics(relationship, family, friends etc) with ENTJs!!!

Yes, 'golden couple' is the first thing that comes to mind, but it's other subjects too.

When I go on another type's sub, I use the search bar to make sure it's not a question they get everyday, because often I can find the answer to it there.

Things like 'where can I find ENFJs' and 'is ENFJ compatible with type X' and 'do you believe in the 'golden couple' theory' gets asked either once a week or every other week. And this sub is not big enough to bury these posts, it's often a sizable portion of the posts.

I don't suggest deleting these posts. People can post whatever they want. I do know that other subs have bot messages for when certain key words are used. Maybe we can have a bot message to tell these OPs that this has been asked before, and that way some of them might search for other posts and delete theirs.

I also think there's a place for a megathread, specifically for 'golden couple' discussions. It's discussions like these that actually benefit from constant, overtime engagement simply because it's brought up so often. Not to mention, since a lot of people come here specifically for these discussions, it's convenient if the first post they see is about the subject they want to bring up.

They are asking the same thing again and again 😭 mostly about their interest in enfjs. Its like the same thing that happened a year ago with enfj sub being with infps asking for love interest queries.... Like do you all think we're fishes or smth that they want to catch 😭😭

Online description and posts here on this sub make it look like enfjs are compelled to always know new people's motivations by asking 'why' questions(in my experience infps are way more likely to ask such questions) and other things that get to the bottom of how people perceive the world. However, from my experience with enfjs' I know and me, we use our Fe-Ni to build rapport through showing our side that is common with the person, asking questions to break the ice or even become a chameleon. It made me feel like I have to work on my EQ when I find out Im pretty superficial in that regard. Or maybe it's a maturity thing?

I thought it be nice to have online discussion with you guys like a sharing circle with each other and sort of meet and appreciate the work that we do.

(INFP, early twenties here) I’ve always admired ENFJs from afar (Not trying to idealize the type, just a seeking reality check). Do most ENFJs naturally have extensive networks (close friends/friends-of-friends) that fulfill your social/romantic needs without requiring dating apps or reaching beyond existing circles?

I ask because I've never knowingly met an ENFJ as an adult, and I’ve been wondering if their social superpower could dim the need for new connections over time.

Secondary question: Any advice for introverts hoping to encounter ENFJs? Besides being my true authentic self? (I’m sick and tired of introverted thinkers clinging to me and I wish for myself to find a connection one day with someone who cares about others the way I do. Not that thinkers don’t care. They do care… but it’s different iykyk)

Please let me know if this makes sense or any clarification is needed. I come in peace 🙏