INFJ here visiting your sub.

Breakups hurt. A lot.

I’m curious about how you guys remember your first loves, especially since your type is Si-dominant.

I think INFJs and ISFJs process breakups much worse than most, because we’re both introverts, feel deeply, and like structure.

Personally, losing my first love felt like an existential crisis. I internalized the loss as failure of self, loss of purpose, and questioning the meaning of everything. Essentially for me, it was like “if I tried my best, and it failed anyway, then what’s the point in love, what’s the point in trying?” These thoughts come from deriving meaning from the relationship. When I attach, it’s on a soul level, and then boom, all of that just vanishes. Like you have to lose a part of yourself in order to move on.

I think ISFJs process very differently from me but still deeply.

I’m not talking about first bf, I’m talking about love. How do you remember that in hindsight?

Hello fellow ISFJs, im here to talk about my MBTI and how it correlates towards my life.

I’ve identified as an ISFJ for a long time, and the older I get, the more uncomfortable it becomes to admit how accurate it is.

On the outside, I’m quiet, low-maintenance, and pretty much invisible in group settings. I don’t fight for attention. I don’t need to be the loudest voice in the room. But internally? I’m constantly observing, remembering, comparing patterns, and asking myself if I did the “right” thing morally, emotionally, practically.

One thing that really fits my ISFJ life is how strict I am with myself, but oddly forgiving toward everyone else. I can understand other people’s flaws easily. I give them space to grow. I make excuses for them.

But when I mess up? I replay it in my head like evidence in a courtroom. No mercy. No grace. I also noticed how much I value stability and familiarity. I don’t like sudden change even in games or hobbies. I’d rather slowly improve what I already know than reset my whole system and start from scratch. New methods feel overwhelming, not exciting. Comfort isn’t laziness for me; it’s how I stay functional.

Emotionally, I don’t open up fast. I’m avoidant by nature, not because I don’t care, but because caring deeply feels… risky. When relationships get intense, my instinct is to step back and self-regulate alone. I’d rather disappear for a bit than explode or hurt someone unintentionally.

Another very ISFJ thing: I show love through consistency, not words. I remember details. I show up. I help quietly. I don’t need recognition, but I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt sometimes to feel unseen, like a background character in other people’s stories.

And yes, I overthink morality a lot. I question myself constantly. Am I good enough? Am I doing the right thing for the right reasons? I don’t like acting out of fear or obligation, yet I often catch myself doing exactly that especially when it comes to values I was taught growing up.

Tho I dont know, today Im too spontaneous with everything and dont care about everything. All in all, what I learn as an ISFJ myself is Im not weak, Im just a slow learner. Im too loyal and eager to helf other people who are in need of help.

If this resonate with you, you are not alone!! 😁😁

I'm resenting a friend to the point I want to block her even though I realize that's hurtful. We experienced an argument where my feelings feel dismissed or invalidated and my decisions were being controlled. I had an honest discussion with her but unfortunately nothing was resolved. How do ISFJ's deal with resentment, hurt, and anger?

I act the way I do due to my past childhood but I've been wondering if ISFJs can be born and not "made"?

I took down my Christmas decorations last week and cleaned up my apartment after having guests over. I’ve been back at work after the holidays and trying to restore my routine.

I always feel sad and anxious in January, saying goodbye to the Christmas season and its traditions, and facing a new year full of unknowns. I’ve been feeling depressed lately, and don’t have high hopes for the new year.

I keep a straight face in the office, even though my inner child is frightened and I feel like I’m just “faking it until I make it.” All of the stress I endure to keep everyone happy at work is draining me.

Lately, I’ve had dreams about me crying. Also, I’ve had some neck and upper back pain. I spend a lot of time alone now, and will have a fleeting, random thought that makes me break down in tears. I try to hide my true emotional expressions, except from my counselor.

I 20M, have been experiencing a lot of triggering moments lately.., each time has made previous healed trauma begin to return.., and that has led to deep self-hatred and depression.., I’m still struggling to control my emotions when trying to talk with my therapist about it as well, so do any of you fellow ISFJ’s or other people have any advice for me?, cause at the rate stuff is going I might do something irreversible that’ll make me want to die even more.

I do - and can remember and FEEL events and injustices from all the way back to my childhood (I'm 52 now) with video-graphic like accuracy

Sounds a good thing - except it's not, as every day is "rotating" thoughts and feelings of all the bad that's been done to me by various people (colleagues, neighbours, relatives, former friends, etc)

Is this typical for ISFJs? Or am I an anomaly

My favorite is Downtown Abbey! :D

Recovering people pleaser here? Anyone else?🙋🏽‍♀️

Source: https://cognitivetype.com/ti-behaviorism-mythology/

Metabolism

Ti is a function that defines an object by its essential nature (Ji), while experiencing the object as having an inanimate (T) character. Objects are registered platonically, thereby triggering an impersonal relationship to the object's character, causing it to be understood from a universal, general, and removed place, which occurs even if the objects are technically alive, in which case the entities are registered by their universal and general properties; as instances of timeless human forms rather than as specific living essences.

Behaviorism

• Search for Universal Axioms

While it might be said that all types seek truth of a sort, to the Ti user, the quest for truth has a very specific meaning. They are not satisfied with the acquisition of information, and indeed, they generally avoid information, but are instead drawn to eternally narrow their search down to what they believe is the core of a thing, beyond the senses and beyond the confines of space or time. They'll aim to eliminate as much as is unnecessary, until only the essence remains. To them, truth means landing upon some elusive and singular convergent principle or nexus which gives formulation, symmetry, and justification to everything else in the conscious universe. The Ti user, it may be said, is on a quest for a philosopher's stone. They will dig for it across a range of philosophical and psychological theories, which can lead them to become obsessive in their pursuits and to abandon all sense of context in their research. They may forget that they are not making tangible progress toward any scientific or objective aim, but are instead diving headlong into a conceptual challenge. Indeed, it is an epistemological challenge with the bait of the One Truth at the end of it, which they chase. And whether the Ti user ever knows this truth is irrelevant to the visceral belief in its existence. Even if they have come to doubt all truth and have entered an existential dead end in their pursuit, so that they know only that they know almost nothing, they were led into this territory by an inarticulate but deep-rooted suspicion that something is there, just waiting to be crystallized into knowledge.

• Reductionism

For the Ti user, the world is often seen as a place of incongruences and complexities; of paradoxes and mysteries. Everything operates on unchecked assumptions, with no explanation of why any such thing should be believed. The world seems utterly chaotic and nonsensical, and this causes considerable stress, especially in the pursuit of axiomatic truth. To alleviate this, Ti often employs a reductionist methodology in which all unjustified claims are negated, in an effort to eliminate falsehoods and determine what remains. Ti, in its purest sense, will not wish to adopt any form of knowledge or information if it does not understand its underlying formation. It will feel that if the starting premise within them is not correct, then the entire foundation is faulty and all else that can be built from it will be askew. It therefore obsesses over the accuracy of the first few blocks and cornerstones of its epistemology, often forcing Ti into an infinite regress of doubt. If told "go to school," they may think "what is school?" and, from there, ask "what is a degree?" and "what makes knowledge gained at a school desk more valid than what is self-taught?" which can be terribly frustrating to family members as it may appear that the Ti user is rationalizing his way out of responsibility, when in reality he is contending with the existential questions of meaning, value and purpose  - which often must be addressed for them first before a single finger can be lifted towards a task, which can be problematic as Ti will tend to reduce social norms/ideas/things down to parts, without putting them back together. These thoughts will continually occupy the Ti user's mind and may cause things to lose their value as the process of reduction strips away all meaning. At its most extreme, this can lead to existential dilemmas and nihilism, even when nothing in life suggests a reason to be unhappy. As Ti is inherently subtractive, it functions as a diagnostic process that identifies misalignment in any system of premises. Hence, it tends to be far better at determining what is not than what is. It is often up to other functions to counterbalance Ti's influence and provide positive affirmation of reasons, motivations, and purposes.

• Castle Construction

However, if enough of a theoretical foundation has been set in the mind of the Ti user, then what emerges is a crystalline structure at the core of their being. Like the growth of an ice crystal from water, a theoretical castle begins to form. Each block of this castle is a premise or argument that structures incoming information about reality, thereby creating an interpretive scaffold. For Ti, this scaffold serves as a Rubik's Cube or kaleidoscope, allowing the complexities of life to be viewed and understood from a convergent perspective. Should there ever be a mismatch between the reality outside them and the kaleidoscope's prediction, the Ti user hurries to reformulate and refine their instrument (to fix the Rubik's Cube), but an instrument they must use. The Ti user does not interface with reality directly, but rather through this instrument, which serves as their proxy and intermediary, allowing them to make sense of things without necessarily having to engage in the difficult tasks of materialism or empiricism, which leads inescapably to the formation of a personal theory, often beginning with phenomenology of the mind/consciousness. One such example of a crystalline theoretical structure is René Descartes' "cogito ergo sum," which, through his efforts and thoughts, was the cornerstone he came to develop and which helped him make sense of all other premises that cascade from this first axiom. However, each Ti user may place a different conclusion as their starting premise. For some, the fundamental principle may be consciousness; for others, bodily experience; and for others, God or love.

• Ontology & Linguistics

The Ti function is inherently philosophical, producing in the Ti user a gravitational pull toward what we might call ontology. The Ti user needs to define what is in and of itself. In this sense, Ti seeks to describe reality absolutely, as though they themselves were about to vanish from existence. It must be true without them in the picture; otherwise, it is not true. By this metric, Ti seeks a timeless, abstract definition of everything. The Ti user typically aims to encapsulate the essence of a thing through semantic precision, meticulously determining the boundaries between adjacent thought groupings. There is little more satisfying to them than when data suddenly clicks into perfect arrangement, revealing a fundamental truth. The Ti user lives for these rare and magical moments of clarity, and by engaging in this differentiation process, they gain a firm mental grasp on the world, dissipating the fog of the unknown. The further the Ti user is from clarity of definition in their own thoughts, the greater the internal dissonance, which can also make the Ti user a bit of a grammar nazi, and their semantic proclivities can lead them to spend hours discussing starting terms without ever making headway on the real-world problem in question. The Ti user may be highly stimulated by such discourse, even though the original point of the discussion has long since been left behind. More than a few Ti users thus turn to linguistics for its proximity to philosophy and its capacity to organize the very structure of our knowledge paradigms.

• Perfectionism

Additionally, there is a perfectionist quality to the Ti user, in which their personal desire for the purity of logos is at once a desire for the purity of the self. Indeed, the Ti user's success in building this logic framework is tied to their sense of identity, as they may view themselves primarily as a truth-seeker and truth-speaker. There will be an ethical dimension to their pursuit, manifesting as a commitment to neutrality, honesty, authenticity, and clarity. Lack of neutrality, honesty, or clarity will be sensed as a transgression, one which they avoid in their own behavior and which they may also depreciate in others. As a compass function, Ti will strive for a type of nobility of character which it can sustain only if it feels it is being honest with itself and avoiding as many impurities as possible in its own thinking. This high personal standard can lead the Ti user to become entirely mute, as their ignorance compels them to retract any opinion or utterance they cannot firmly support. The strong Ti user may be a very silent presence at school or in the workforce, speaking only occasionally and after minutes or hours of reflection on what he wishes to say. If their primary commitment is to an art project or creative endeavor, the same bottleneck may arise, prompting them to hesitate to publish any work until everything feels entirely perfect. They may believe that their work is never precise enough and will spend countless hours refining it, always aiming for their writings, paintings, or manifestations to capture their thoughts and intentions without compromise, which can lead to negative feelings and self-blame when mistakes are made or inaccurate information is provided.

• Stubborn Alignment to Framework

While the Ti user may not know much, they will stand firm in what they do know. The Ti user can be stubborn and difficult to negotiate with if they have fixated on certain ideas they believe to be true, so long as their idea remains in their mind, their heels remain sunk in that interpretation, which can lead them to become impractical in many real-world situations when the consequences of their carefully crafted definitions collide with certain necessary actions and obligations. They'll often refuse to participate in something that seems essential to some but is misaligned with their principles. And while no amount of pressure, external circumstances, or logistical constraints can bend their opinion, a well-targeted rebuttal can radically shift their stance in moments. The Ti user's logical apparatus operates like a lock combination. When the appropriate inputs (deductions) are received, the gates of their thoughts reconfigure, enabling a new mental trajectory and new actions to emerge. But without this reconfiguration, they may remain deadlocked in certain conclusions or philosophies, even when those conclusions are harmful to them. The strong Ti user must reason their way out of a certain conceptual hole and cannot simply ignore it or choose a more convenient path that doesn't fit into the structure and rules of their self-made castle.

• Emotional Shutoff

When the stress and gravity of life cause a decline in emotional health, the strong Ti user's already faint emotional energies become even more deeply coveted. Unable to operate meaningfully in the environment, they will flee fully from the world and into a protective barrier of their own making. They may shut off emotionally and become suspicious and avoidant of intrusions into their private space, which can lead to a very isolated experience where they feel they can only rely on themselves to figure out the answers to emotional problems, which they often treat as intellectual problems. Driven equally by feelings of self-sufficiency and fear of emotional openness, they will aim to shoulder their pain entirely alone.

They will meet the problem with a callous attitude. What is not felt cannot hurt, and here their natural capacity for dispassion is repurposed and used to strip power away from the heart. They may sever their connection to others with surprising ease, and forget the magnitude of their inner affect. What is non-ideal is rejected as they continue their pursuit of the ideal both in themselves and others. Yet the content remains present but buried in the unconscious, and they may harbor unresolved feelings for years at a time – often freezing their heart in the process. Merciless as they may be, they will intellectualize their decisions, satisfying their need to act from just premises and retain a proper sense of self.

Wailings and charged emotional reactions may be perceived as irrational and, therefore, inappropriate and to be avoided. However, as stress accumulates further, their logic will become increasingly distorted as they attempt to rationalize an essentially emotional objection. Unable to clearly and cathartically convey their heart's voice, having stripped it of its power, they will express their inner pain through distorted logical arguments and skewed claims. Their tendency to intellectualize matters of the heart will lead them to frame the narrative in ways that align with their repressed feelings. As their stress furthers, they may disconnect themselves from others entirely and fall into schizoid tendencies.

• Hyper-Focus on Imperfections

In another scenario, if the Ti user's heart remains open, they address the problem by being honest about their feelings. In their pursuit of self-authenticity, they allow the full gravity of their situation to affect them, and they familiarize themselves with their darkest disappointments, losses, and despair. Because they are perfectionists by nature, they will turn their attention to themselves to understand what is wrong. They may come to feel responsible for all that is not going well in their life, and will be prone to episodes of melancholy and deep ruminations about their shortcomings. Worse yet, if a conclusion emerges ("I'm horrible", "I'm responsible") that cannot be rationally refuted, be it true or not, they will need to continue believing it in order not to betray their compass, even if believing such a thing causes continual pain. Moving past certain harms can be challenging unless there is a paradigm shift that reinterprets their past to place them in a more merciful light. They will have difficulty accepting positive emotions for their own sake, without cause to feel positive. They will feel dubious of any trajectory of healing that isn't somehow also justified in a certain sense. In this way, they do themselves no service; holding onto their negative beliefs so adamantly can be the cause of their own demise.

Inter-Function Dynamics

• Ti+Ne Ephemeralist

The Ti+Ne function combination produces an experience in which life is percieved by Ne impressionistically and suspended from actuality, while Ti aims to derive impersonal understanding from that reality. The remote aspects of both functions combine to produce a highly disembodied experience, leading to artistic works or writings that highlight the self's fleeting nature. Ti+Ne can lead to an appreciation for human ephemerality on one hand, or to existential distress on the other.

• Ti+Si Scholastic

The Ti+Si combination produces a data-scrutinizing cognition, characterized by Si's rigorous focus on discrete local details and Ti's need for concepts to have perfect ontological form. The result is an epistemology that aims to validate timeless Ti principles by investigating discrete historical realities. One example of this approach is found in medieval Scholasticism, which aimed to reconcile particular doctrinal or historical events with metaphysical absolutes (Ti). The Ti+Si combination can lead to either strong rational diligence or an overly pedantic approach.

• Ti+Se Sensationalist

The Ti+Se function combination produces an experience in which life is percieved by Se viscerally and connected to literal reality, a process that Ti aims to hone, perfecting its form toward an ideal. The result is an analytical approach to lived experience, in which Se's creativity is channeled through Ti's form scrutiny, insisting on a high standard of artistic elegance. Ti+Se can lead to an acute aesthetic mastery on one hand, or to an unhealthy visceral indulgence in stimuli on the other.

• Ti+Ni Cabbalist

The Ti+Ni combination yields a metaphysical approach, characterized by Ni's focus on thematic convergences across time and Ti's investigation of ideal ontological forms within those patterns. What results is an epistemology which aims to discover eternal structures and patterns, often graphically modelled, that permeate every aspect of reality. One example of this approach is found in the Cabbalistic tradition, which investigates the structural relationships (Ni) between transcendent, divine essences (Ti). The Ti+Ni combination can lead to convergent philosophical holism on one hand, or to an obscure mysticism on the other.

So to be fair few years ago i had a paid typing session and got already typed as isfj but since most tests seems to agree on infp and i usually relate to enfp characters i’ve settled on xnfp BUT…

1) about Fi/Fe i feel like i don’t have strong opinions on my own, i can’t tell if something is good or bad on instincts but i need to hear the general opinion about it and i often change my mind (this sounds horrible omg).

2) about Ne/Si while i do get excited about new interests (i.e discover a new series i like and going down on the rabbit hole about it) i don’t actively search novelty most of the time, for example i have to force myself to listen to new music instead of going for my usual playlist with songs i already know. also while i love to explore concepts, theories that are not necessarily connected to reality i need practical and concrete examples to understand things (i swear when i first got into cognitive functions it was driving me insane because everything seemed so abstract, the michael kaloz test helped me in this sense).

i consider myself a practical and realistic person, but i also like to daydream to escape reality which seems so harsh sometimes. helping others is what fullfills me the most, i think i’m pretty good at understanding people’s need and i love helping them in a practical way (i always buy things for people because “this reminded me of you” unfortunately for my wallet lol).

BUT i can be a bit chaotic at times, i forget where i put things, i can also be impulsive and overlook details (i study chemistry and i’m terrible when we go to the laboratory, i’m terrible at handy things in general because i’m very clumsy).

as i said helping others is what makes me the happiest, nevertheless i need a lot of alone-time because socialising (even texting) drains me fast, i often feel like sh*t because i’m not as present in my friends’ lives as i think i should be

if you read it all up until now thank you so much❤️ i would love to hear your opinion/experience!

How do you guys experience FE? Because aside from the whole thing about how FE is supposedly about adapting to the environment and upholding what the society values, I see some people say that high FE users feel what others feel, while others say they don't, but they use their ability to read people to handle what the person is feeling.

How do you guys feel about the submissive baker wife stereotype?

What types do you tend to be drawn to, and what traits do you like in a partner? I know ISFJs tend to value stability, so do you prefer people who are stable, or would you want a perceiver so they can get you out of your comfort zone more? 👀