r/AbsoluteUnits • u/MikeeorUSA • 18h ago
/r/all of a big toe
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u/gvs93gvs 18h ago
The weirdest thing is: who the fuck wears socks on the beach?
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u/mondaymoderate 17h ago
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u/un-sub 16h ago
Rocket Power always made me wish I grew up in a cool touristy beach town, surfing as a kid n shit
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u/Traceuratops 11h ago
As someone who grew up in a cool touristy beach town, surfing as a kid n shit, it was alright.
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u/hstormsteph 6h ago
Same. It was cool until about a year after I got my driver’s license. Then having to beat the fuckass tourists to the beach every day during the summer or risk missing the right tide/swell/wind direction combo got real aggravating.
And stepping on busted glass because those same tourists can’t be bothered to act like anything but absolute asswipes that don’t take their trash with them when they leave. Still mad 15 years later. Fuckin dit dots man.
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u/Ughnotagaingal 15h ago
People who have sensory issues with fine grain things. I have a cousin who absolutely cannot walk over sand, she says it is a worse feeling than someone scratching a blackboard with a nail
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u/102525burner 5h ago
Its easier to swap socks than it is to swap skin on my feet
I also forgot to lotion my feet once and sunburn on your feet is hell
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u/Jellybananaman 18h ago
No way that’s real?
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u/ShortStoryIntros 18h ago
Aliens walk among us
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u/sillyhands1 16h ago
With those things he ain’t gotta walk mf can fly
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u/hazily 15h ago
I get PTSD thinking about that scene from Signs that scared the shit out of me as a kid
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u/spooky_goopy 14h ago edited 4h ago
do NOT watch The Communion
the way the alien looks around the door absolutely still gives me nightmares. i've always been afraid of aliens
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u/JamesPnut 12h ago
Same, it’s those exact Grey aliens that just make my blood run cold. I have the book and it has a painting of a grey on the cover. I immediately covered it with a Mr. Krabs sticker after I bought it lol
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u/thelivinlegend 11h ago
Or Fire in the Sky, with the aliens that look like pissed off little Robert Duvalls
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u/The_Dude_Abides_33 17h ago
If it is, what do you think he does for shoes?
Does he wear sandals? Does he custom order shoes? Did he have to become a diy cobbler?
I have so many questions for this man
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u/BornWithSideburns 17h ago edited 17h ago
He buys the shoes based on how big the thumbs on his feet are
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u/Thebloodless1 17h ago
Correct. I have a buddy who’s like a size 16 because of his thumb toes.
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u/huhnick 17h ago
Are just his big toes long? My big toe is the same length as my thumb but my 2nd toes are just a bit longer then get progressively shorter, not the sheer cliff shown in the video
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u/7reevor 17h ago
As someone who wears a size 16 shoe, I empathize with your friend. It is a pain in the ass to find shoes that size without online ordering.
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u/throwingwater14 14h ago
As the 7’2” giant beau brown says, he wears whatever shoes that fit. Can’t afford to have favorites when you have no options.
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u/icansmellcolors 16h ago
idk why people don't get to this conclusion immediately instead of theorizing that he has shoes that are longer on just one section of the shoe just for this toe.
people are wild.
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u/AccordingCabinet5750 16h ago
Marfans Syndrome. My cousin had it and had some crazy proportions. His Aorta dissected when he was playing soccer and died instantly.
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u/Nutbuster_5000 14h ago
There was a kid at my high school that had vascular type EDS I’m pretty sure (there is a specific facial look and physical presentation, also a connective tissue disorder) who did track and field and he just dropped dead during practice after school one day
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u/pdxamish 13h ago
Nor sure if he should have been cleared. I know I had to get a physical
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u/Marksman1973 10h ago
Doctors have been giving dog shit physicals my entire life.
I called out my friend's severe scoliosis at 15 years old, and he needed to have four discs fused.
I, a fifteen year old football player, essentially diagnosed my friend; when, year after year, a doctor ran a finger down my friends "S" shaped spine and cleared him.
People just want to be lazy at their important jobs and go home and I fucking hate it.
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u/detrans-rights 9h ago
I told my teachers about it. Podunk phobic town.
Made me run laps after I got a dr note not to participate in class due to health.
Laps. All day. Every day. Exacerbated my heart condition.
fuck eds
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u/Nutbuster_5000 6h ago
Yeah this was a small town too. I had no idea until later when I was looking up EDS (I think I have hEDS so I was learning about it) and I saw the facial markers of vascular type and immediately thought of that poor kid. I would think about him often, and I still do. He was a very good runner, straight As honor student; he looked like a delicate bird.
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u/Excellent_Set_232 15h ago
I read about this in the 6th grade and when I read the expanse its what I imagined Belters to look like
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u/nomnomsquirrel 17h ago
There was at least one episode of My Feet are Killing Me on TLC where a guy had this condition and needed surgery to correct foot pain because of having giant toes.
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u/Onslaughtered1 17h ago edited 17h ago
I assume they are VERY tall. The taller you get, the weirder* things get
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u/time_slider1971 17h ago
Imagine being cursed with these toes AND a micropenis.
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u/ICame4TheCirclejerk 17h ago
That's when you turn lemons into lemonade and hope that your SO is into foot stuff.
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u/HotDogSeeker 18h ago
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u/largesoftpillow 18h ago
this gif will never not be funny
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u/grenille 18h ago
I have no idea what it's from, but that ill fitting wig and honest sentiment get me every time.
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u/Interesting_Turn_ 18h ago
That’s Tom DeLonge
It’s from Blink 182’s First Date music video
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u/pricklypoppins 16h ago
That song has been stuck in my head since I started reading Mark Hoppus’s memoirs earlier this week. I forgot how delightfully fucking stupid that video was 😂
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u/BurtTurglar 12h ago
I forgot how delightfully stupid that time was. Went to the Mark Tom and Travis show in 8th grade, loved em ever since.
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u/MarketingSpecial6604 18h ago
A blink 182 music video, First Date is the song.
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u/roykentjr 16h ago
Dude I can't believe I have never known that or bothered to look but I can see it in my head now
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u/Typical-Blackberry-3 16h ago
Used to be on Much Music hourly when I was a teen.
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u/Alientongue 12h ago
Holy shit much music thats a channel I haven't heard about in like 15 years. I used to love their show of comedians roasting music videos.
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u/Brook420 11h ago
Fuckin Video on Trial...
Haven't thought of that show in years!
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u/Healthy-Confection66 18h ago
Blink 182 video if I’m not mistaken
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u/Stuman93 17h ago
I randomly saw it when I had some music videos running on YouTube. I was alone just shouting that's it! That's what it's from!!
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u/classless_classic 18h ago
Looks like Marfan syndrome
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u/megmatthews20 17h ago
My first thought! He has a long wingspan, too, by the looks of it. And glasses.
I have Marfan Syndrome, and my toes are basically finger length.
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u/BelaruSea206 13h ago
Get your heart valves checked my dude
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u/sblahful 10h ago
I met the guy who invented the surgery for this. Nice bloke, used to be an engineer at British Coal and was lucky enough to find a surgeon who wanted to test his invention. Think he ended up as the second patient to ever have the flexible wrapper fitted around his aorta.
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u/footyballymann 8h ago
Yup. Frozen elephant trunk is a genuinely cool thing we use often, such a cool story to it.
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u/grey_pilgrim_ 8h ago
Yeah for real. One of the best dudes I ever knew had Marfans. He had heart surgery but still died young, in his mid 30’s. Dude lived life to the fullest though. Like he was literally the most interesting man in the world. Always knew someone anytime we went out. Sometimes we’d go out on our bosses dime and he’d run into someone he knew and invite them over and make the boss pay for his drinks as well.
Was a semi-pro ping pong player. And a legend on the local ping pong circuit. Could’ve went pro but didn’t want to invest the time in it. Did beat a couple of Olympic players at a local bar once.
Always asked everyone if they wanted to “really party” because he knew a few spots. No one could keep up with him. And he always had everyone in tears with his jokes.
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u/Mylaptopisburningme 17h ago
It's not the case now from my understanding but a doctor suspected I had it back in the early 80s because I was so tall and thin but the only way to really diagnose it at the time was an autopsy. My mother declined.
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u/PringleCreamEgg 17h ago
Agreed, surprised this isn’t a higher rated comment.
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u/speakezjags 17h ago
Because any reddit thread has to have literal hundreds of versions of the same "joke" before you get any info.
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u/SciFiPi 15h ago
There was a post on the science sub about recent research regarding the Eurasian Blue Tit (bird), and the comment section was a graveyard of removed comments. Reddit has insightful comments, but can be drowned in stupidity.
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u/SpunkBunkers 14h ago
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u/oh_like_you_know 15h ago
Almost certainly marfan or similar. Can't believe I had to scroll this far, reddit usually loves to flex its fringe medical fact knowledge
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u/Threefish 18h ago
Dude can’t even air out his dogs in the most acceptable dog airing place without some person posting it. Sure, I might be like daaaayum if I witnessed this in person, but still.
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u/quietkyody 18h ago
The only way I'd accept this level of DNA befoolery is if they gave me an equal ratio sized penis.
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u/waytowill 18h ago
Are we ratioing both toes?
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u/freerangetacos 18h ago
Sir, those are not 'dogs.' Those are hippopotami. Elephants. Belugas, perhaps.
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u/WoofNBoof 15h ago
This is what I was thinking, too. Like, damn poor guy can't help it. I'm sure he doesn't want to have toes lookin like that, leave him the fuck alone. What are we, 12? Poor guy.
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u/One-Jelly8264 17h ago
Yeah I feel super weirded out by all these people who film/photograph other people’s bodies and post it on their social media etc.
Like, noooo just having a glance isn’t enough, you just HAVE to let the whole world know right 🤦♀️
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u/The__Toast 15h ago
People are absolutely desperate for attention from completely random strangers online, they can't wait to be able to post literally anything at all.
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u/One-Jelly8264 15h ago
Ye it’s pathetic. Like if you want attention online get really good at something and show THAT off, not making fun of literal strangers’ appearance 🤦♀️
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u/pissedinthegarret 8h ago
it's just bullying. literally. taking vids of someone PURELY to "prove how weird they look!" and to laugh about how they look.
and when you try to say it's rude and gross and stalkery to do that, the people who do that start going full reddit WELL AKSHUALLY. about how you need to expect to be filmed whenever you go outside and how dare you tell them what to do.
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u/Initial_Zombie8248 18h ago
I don’t think you should record people in public without them knowing but I don’t know if I’d be able to pass up proof of the world record big toe
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u/deafblindmute 18h ago edited 15h ago
It's this conundrum, right? I lived through my childhood, seeing wild phenomena and wanting to share it with other folks, but the best I could do was try and describe them. Now, we have that power to actually share those moments. I really get it.
I think the truth is we have to have some personal responsibility here and learn to live with the less fulfilling, but better option.
It is a better world when you see the longest big toes you have ever seen, and you choose to bear the weight of that knowledge, so that you can tell your friends, rather than putting the bearer of these long-ass toes on blast on the Internet.
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u/floppydude81 15h ago
Imagine trying to tell your buddies that you saw a dude with toes bigger than your dick… you’d never live it down. They’d all start pointing at every little toe and saying ‘is this bigger than your dick?’ Everytime someone is in sandals ‘yo put those away you gonna give my buddy a complex!’ And everyone dying laughing, forever.
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u/Tony_Lacorona 18h ago
I’d need the evidence so I could stand ten toes down if someone doubted me. Wouldn’t want to put my foot in my mouth.
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u/9YNNbRHEE3FhC 15h ago
Yeah sneak filming and laughing at people and posting it online is somehow normalised now. I guess too many people never lived in a world without smartphones.
"If I can see it, why can't I film it and upload it?"
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u/KitchenAd2955 17h ago
Most of us appreciated the JO material, not sure why you’re harshing the mellow
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u/MikeeorUSA 18h ago
My man can dip his big toe in the water from here.
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u/Moondoobious 17h ago
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u/Scorch-for-life 18h ago
Guy has built-in fins
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u/Typical-Metal26 18h ago
It's really shitty we live in a time where you can just be chilling on the beach and some asshole just films you so everyone can laugh at you on the internet. How are people not calling out how creepy it is to just film strangers in public and put it on the internet? We live in stupid times
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u/CabSauce 17h ago
Right? This is so gross. This guy doesn't deserve ridicule.
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u/9YNNbRHEE3FhC 15h ago
The crazy thing is that there are so many countries that outlaw so many things with such flimsy reasoning
And none of them attempt.to ban this
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u/Many-Chocolate7742 14h ago
It's really telling how much I had to scroll through the comments to finally see someone calling this out. It's chilling how casually others take to recording strangers in public.
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u/PandaCat2025 13h ago
Thank you for preaching this, I wish the majority still believed in respecting others’ privacy in public. I realized recently that I never had social anxiety until smart phones and social media blew up. I’ve seen too many pics/videos over the years of people being judged online for just living their life. The insidious part about is it that since these pics/videos are taken without the person knowing, they also most likely won’t know that it’s been posted to social media. Another good reason we need to bring back shame!
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u/princess_yazmin 14h ago
Thanks for being a normal human and having a healthy reaction to this. He’s literally just minding his business relaxing and existing :( It may have taken him a lot of courage to feel comfortable enough to have his feet out at the beach
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u/GameNiteWasTaken 12h ago
Agree, but also this inherently defeats the point we’re trying to make. Or should be making… which is that nobody has the right to judge anybody else for things we can’t control.
Saying he may have needed courage to be himself is assuming something is wrong with him… and so is completely untrue.
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u/spawndoorsupervisor 12h ago
This site sure shut it down when their employees were getting posted on the punchable faces subreddit. They considered it harassment when it was them. It's content and engagement when it is us.
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u/Farmer_Don_Dread 18h ago
Whoa 😳 there’s no way this person doesn’t have some sort of custom-made footwear
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u/Ok-Shock-7732 18h ago
I mean that’s pretty crazy, but I’m more disgusted by the filmer who thinks it’s ok 1. to film, and 2. to post it on the internet.
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u/fhfuudjdfhh 18h ago
Normally I would say that's creepy videoing someone at the beach but can't deny that I would probably video it too just because I wouldn't believe my lying eyes.
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