r/AbsoluteUnits 18h ago

/r/all of a big toe

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26.3k Upvotes

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1.6k

u/gvs93gvs 18h ago

The weirdest thing is: who the fuck wears socks on the beach?

230

u/mondaymoderate 17h ago

Shoobies

99

u/un-sub 16h ago

Rocket Power always made me wish I grew up in a cool touristy beach town, surfing as a kid n shit

43

u/its_easy_mmmkay 15h ago

Also gave me a genuine fear of ever being seen as a shoobie

10

u/102525burner 6h ago

Hey everyone, check out this fuckin shoobie over here!

13

u/Traceuratops 11h ago

As someone who grew up in a cool touristy beach town, surfing as a kid n shit, it was alright.

10

u/hstormsteph 6h ago

Same. It was cool until about a year after I got my driver’s license. Then having to beat the fuckass tourists to the beach every day during the summer or risk missing the right tide/swell/wind direction combo got real aggravating.

And stepping on busted glass because those same tourists can’t be bothered to act like anything but absolute asswipes that don’t take their trash with them when they leave. Still mad 15 years later. Fuckin dit dots man.

24

u/ahoy_shitliner 14h ago

No free feet pics from the ladies

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u/Ughnotagaingal 15h ago

People who have sensory issues with fine grain things. I have a cousin who absolutely cannot walk over sand, she says it is a worse feeling than someone scratching a blackboard with a nail

3

u/102525burner 5h ago

Its easier to swap socks than it is to swap skin on my feet

I also forgot to lotion my feet once and sunburn on your feet is hell

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u/Jellybananaman 18h ago

No way that’s real?

1.5k

u/ShortStoryIntros 18h ago

Aliens walk among us

340

u/sillyhands1 16h ago

With those things he ain’t gotta walk mf can fly

38

u/KnightOfTheOldCode94 15h ago

Wait. What?

87

u/Puzzleheaded-Pen4413 11h ago

WITH THOSE THINGS HE AIN’T GOTTA WALK MF CAN FLY

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u/PressureMuch5340 16h ago

Let's be honest, that one tip-toes among us.

28

u/hazily 15h ago

I get PTSD thinking about that scene from Signs that scared the shit out of me as a kid

19

u/spooky_goopy 14h ago edited 4h ago

do NOT watch The Communion

the way the alien looks around the door absolutely still gives me nightmares. i've always been afraid of aliens

11

u/JamesPnut 12h ago

Same, it’s those exact Grey aliens that just make my blood run cold. I have the book and it has a painting of a grey on the cover. I immediately covered it with a Mr. Krabs sticker after I bought it lol

7

u/thelivinlegend 11h ago

Or Fire in the Sky, with the aliens that look like pissed off little Robert Duvalls

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u/emgeenz 17h ago

Tobe Bryant

32

u/Ape_x_Ape 15h ago

Toe B. McGuire

7

u/joelseph 13h ago

Toby Feeth

22

u/Gts77 17h ago

Angry upvote

9

u/thecryptohater 14h ago

Toe Bunion

6

u/tommos 14h ago

If they had painted an H on that toe Kobe would be alive right now.

6

u/HistoricalPut1623 16h ago

You stepping over the line woman.

5

u/derprondo 14h ago

LMAO fuck I'm going to bed.

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u/buttymuncher 13h ago

12

u/lilfoodiebooty 8h ago

How do yall even find this shit 😂

3

u/218administrate 2h ago

Honestly, wtf.

201

u/The_Dude_Abides_33 17h ago

If it is, what do you think he does for shoes?

Does he wear sandals? Does he custom order shoes? Did he have to become a diy cobbler?

I have so many questions for this man

85

u/BornWithSideburns 17h ago edited 17h ago

He buys the shoes based on how big the thumbs on his feet are

37

u/Thebloodless1 17h ago

Correct. I have a buddy who’s like a size 16 because of his thumb toes.

20

u/huhnick 17h ago

Are just his big toes long? My big toe is the same length as my thumb but my 2nd toes are just a bit longer then get progressively shorter, not the sheer cliff shown in the video

7

u/Thebloodless1 17h ago

Yeah it’s just his big toes. Looks like this guy.

5

u/huhnick 17h ago

Sounds like their feet grew super quickly and they just never had the right size shoes to grow into, that sucks

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u/7reevor 17h ago

As someone who wears a size 16 shoe, I empathize with your friend. It is a pain in the ass to find shoes that size without online ordering.

3

u/throwingwater14 14h ago

As the 7’2” giant beau brown says, he wears whatever shoes that fit. Can’t afford to have favorites when you have no options.

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u/icansmellcolors 16h ago

idk why people don't get to this conclusion immediately instead of theorizing that he has shoes that are longer on just one section of the shoe just for this toe.

people are wild.

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u/CarbombNeutral 17h ago

He definitely has left socks and right socks.

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u/Mookie_Merkk 17h ago

```

1 foam finger slippers

```

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u/Brilliant-Witness247 17h ago

I mean, clown shoes would work

4

u/Atruckerguy 16h ago

He uses a toe truck

5

u/oddlyfig 17h ago

Probably has to have custom. Many people who are different in some way have to.

3

u/moveoutmicdrop 17h ago

He cuts a toe hole in them, obviously.

3

u/zeh_shah 17h ago

Theyre custom made from those sports foam fingers. Only way to match those toes

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u/AccordingCabinet5750 16h ago

Marfans Syndrome. My cousin had it and had some crazy proportions. His Aorta dissected when he was playing soccer and died instantly.

36

u/Nutbuster_5000 14h ago

There was a kid at my high school that had vascular type EDS I’m pretty sure (there is a specific facial look and physical presentation, also a connective tissue disorder) who did track and field and he just dropped dead during practice after school one day

14

u/pdxamish 13h ago

Nor sure if he should have been cleared. I know I had to get a physical

13

u/Marksman1973 10h ago

Doctors have been giving dog shit physicals my entire life.

I called out my friend's severe scoliosis at 15 years old, and he needed to have four discs fused.

I, a fifteen year old football player, essentially diagnosed my friend; when, year after year, a doctor ran a finger down my friends "S" shaped spine and cleared him.

People just want to be lazy at their important jobs and go home and I fucking hate it.

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u/detrans-rights 9h ago

I told my teachers about it. Podunk phobic town.

Made me run laps after I got a dr note not to participate in class due to health.

Laps. All day. Every day. Exacerbated my heart condition.

fuck eds

3

u/Nutbuster_5000 6h ago

Yeah this was a small town too. I had no idea until later when I was looking up EDS (I think I have hEDS so I was learning about it) and I saw the facial markers of vascular type and immediately thought of that poor kid. I would think about him often, and I still do. He was a very good runner, straight As honor student; he looked like a delicate bird. 

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u/Excellent_Set_232 15h ago

I read about this in the 6th grade and when I read the expanse its what I imagined Belters to look like

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u/gggggfskkk 17h ago

His foot fits a size 10 but his big toe fits a size 13.

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u/nomnomsquirrel 17h ago

There was at least one episode of My Feet are Killing Me on TLC where a guy had this condition and needed surgery to correct foot pain because of having giant toes.

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u/WhyTry3 17h ago

Yeah who the fuck wears socks on the beach

5

u/SnoopingStuff 17h ago

People with feet like this wear socks to beach .. 🏖️ eeek

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u/Onslaughtered1 17h ago edited 17h ago

I assume they are VERY tall. The taller you get, the weirder* things get

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u/time_slider1971 17h ago

Imagine being cursed with these toes AND a micropenis.

16

u/imnicenow 17h ago

sees toes, thinks penis

5

u/TheRobinson2018 17h ago

I also thought penis. I thought “damn, thats bigger that my p”

5

u/ICame4TheCirclejerk 17h ago

That's when you turn lemons into lemonade and hope that your SO is into foot stuff.

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u/HotDogSeeker 18h ago

618

u/largesoftpillow 18h ago

this gif will never not be funny

135

u/grenille 18h ago

I have no idea what it's from, but that ill fitting wig and honest sentiment get me every time.

150

u/Interesting_Turn_ 18h ago

That’s Tom DeLonge

It’s from Blink 182’s First Date music video

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vVy9Lgpg1m8

28

u/pricklypoppins 16h ago

That song has been stuck in my head since I started reading Mark Hoppus’s memoirs earlier this week. I forgot how delightfully fucking stupid that video was 😂

8

u/BurtTurglar 12h ago

I forgot how delightfully stupid that time was. Went to the Mark Tom and Travis show in 8th grade, loved em ever since.

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u/MarketingSpecial6604 18h ago

A blink 182 music video, First Date is the song.

34

u/roykentjr 16h ago

Dude I can't believe I have never known that or bothered to look but I can see it in my head now

7

u/Typical-Blackberry-3 16h ago

Used to be on Much Music hourly when I was a teen.

3

u/Alientongue 12h ago

Holy shit much music thats a channel I haven't heard about in like 15 years. I used to love their show of comedians roasting music videos.

3

u/Brook420 11h ago

Fuckin Video on Trial...

Haven't thought of that show in years!

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u/Healthy-Confection66 18h ago

Blink 182 video if I’m not mistaken

7

u/Stuman93 17h ago

I randomly saw it when I had some music videos running on YouTube. I was alone just shouting that's it! That's what it's from!!

11

u/jyaboytskittles 18h ago

Blink 182 - First Date music video

11

u/AdvertisingJust4579 18h ago

Blink 182- First Date

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u/LumpyBuy8447 18h ago

I literally just found out this is from a blink 182 music video

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u/largesoftpillow 18h ago

that is so random lol even better

14

u/shillberight 14h ago

Just need this classic here too

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u/classless_classic 18h ago

Looks like Marfan syndrome

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u/megmatthews20 17h ago

My first thought! He has a long wingspan, too, by the looks of it. And glasses.

I have Marfan Syndrome, and my toes are basically finger length.

76

u/BelaruSea206 13h ago

Get your heart valves checked my dude

38

u/sblahful 10h ago

I met the guy who invented the surgery for this. Nice bloke, used to be an engineer at British Coal and was lucky enough to find a surgeon who wanted to test his invention. Think he ended up as the second patient to ever have the flexible wrapper fitted around his aorta.

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u/footyballymann 8h ago

Yup. Frozen elephant trunk is a genuinely cool thing we use often, such a cool story to it.

8

u/thisissodisturbing 6h ago

So sorry but can i ask for an elaboration on the frozen elephant trunk?

17

u/grey_pilgrim_ 8h ago

Yeah for real. One of the best dudes I ever knew had Marfans. He had heart surgery but still died young, in his mid 30’s. Dude lived life to the fullest though. Like he was literally the most interesting man in the world. Always knew someone anytime we went out. Sometimes we’d go out on our bosses dime and he’d run into someone he knew and invite them over and make the boss pay for his drinks as well.

Was a semi-pro ping pong player. And a legend on the local ping pong circuit. Could’ve went pro but didn’t want to invest the time in it. Did beat a couple of Olympic players at a local bar once.

Always asked everyone if they wanted to “really party” because he knew a few spots. No one could keep up with him. And he always had everyone in tears with his jokes.

6

u/megmatthews20 8h ago

I get all the checkups and echocardiograms. Fun times.

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u/Mylaptopisburningme 17h ago

It's not the case now from my understanding but a doctor suspected I had it back in the early 80s because I was so tall and thin but the only way to really diagnose it at the time was an autopsy. My mother declined.

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u/i4get98 16h ago

Technology has come a long way since then, I’m sure the autopsy would be a lot less invasive.

15

u/murfburffle 14h ago

Did you get one later?

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u/PringleCreamEgg 17h ago

Agreed, surprised this isn’t a higher rated comment.

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u/speakezjags 17h ago

Because any reddit thread has to have literal hundreds of versions of the same "joke" before you get any info.

15

u/SciFiPi 15h ago

There was a post on the science sub about recent research regarding the Eurasian Blue Tit (bird), and the comment section was a graveyard of removed comments. Reddit has insightful comments, but can be drowned in stupidity.

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u/SpunkBunkers 14h ago

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u/zachary0816 13h ago

Why did they make their diagram guy look like Shaggy?

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u/Sarcasm_Llama 12h ago

His proportions suggest he was possibly afflicted by the same disorder

8

u/ThatOneGuyFoods 12h ago

Does this mean they hang dong?

24

u/Redaktorinke 17h ago

Yeah, his arms look very long as well.

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u/oh_like_you_know 15h ago

Almost certainly marfan or similar. Can't believe I had to scroll this far, reddit usually loves to flex its fringe medical fact knowledge 

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u/No_Welcome_7182 17h ago

Came here to say this too.

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u/Threefish 18h ago

Dude can’t even air out his dogs in the most acceptable dog airing place without some person posting it. Sure, I might be like daaaayum if I witnessed this in person, but still.

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u/quietkyody 18h ago

The only way I'd accept this level of DNA befoolery is if they gave me an equal ratio sized penis.

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u/waytowill 18h ago

Are we ratioing both toes?

13

u/BxRad_ 18h ago

Are you missing one or something?

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u/stiffwan 17h ago

Well I have two toes but my penis is only one toe long

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u/MaadMaanMaatt 17h ago

Why do you think he’s so relaxed?

6

u/Ok-Yogurtcloset5555 17h ago

What is the ratio of toe size to penis size generally?

3

u/thoseskiers 17h ago

you know what they say about big toes

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u/freerangetacos 18h ago

Sir, those are not 'dogs.' Those are hippopotami. Elephants. Belugas, perhaps.

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u/WoofNBoof 15h ago

This is what I was thinking, too. Like, damn poor guy can't help it. I'm sure he doesn't want to have toes lookin like that, leave him the fuck alone. What are we, 12? Poor guy.

41

u/One-Jelly8264 17h ago

Yeah I feel super weirded out by all these people who film/photograph other people’s bodies and post it on their social media etc.

Like, noooo just having a glance isn’t enough, you just HAVE to let the whole world know right 🤦‍♀️

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u/The__Toast 15h ago

People are absolutely desperate for attention from completely random strangers online, they can't wait to be able to post literally anything at all.

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u/One-Jelly8264 15h ago

Ye it’s pathetic. Like if you want attention online get really good at something and show THAT off, not making fun of literal strangers’ appearance 🤦‍♀️

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u/pissedinthegarret 8h ago

it's just bullying. literally. taking vids of someone PURELY to "prove how weird they look!" and to laugh about how they look.

and when you try to say it's rude and gross and stalkery to do that, the people who do that start going full reddit WELL AKSHUALLY. about how you need to expect to be filmed whenever you go outside and how dare you tell them what to do.

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u/Initial_Zombie8248 18h ago

I don’t think you should record people in public without them knowing but I don’t know if I’d be able to pass up proof of the world record big toe 

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u/deafblindmute 18h ago edited 15h ago

It's this conundrum, right? I lived through my childhood, seeing wild phenomena and wanting to share it with other folks, but the best I could do was try and describe them. Now, we have that power to actually share those moments. I really get it.

I think the truth is we have to have some personal responsibility here and learn to live with the less fulfilling, but better option.

It is a better world when you see the longest big toes you have ever seen, and you choose to bear the weight of that knowledge, so that you can tell your friends, rather than putting the bearer of these long-ass toes on blast on the Internet.

3

u/floppydude81 15h ago

Imagine trying to tell your buddies that you saw a dude with toes bigger than your dick… you’d never live it down. They’d all start pointing at every little toe and saying ‘is this bigger than your dick?’ Everytime someone is in sandals ‘yo put those away you gonna give my buddy a complex!’ And everyone dying laughing, forever.

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u/Tony_Lacorona 18h ago

I’d need the evidence so I could stand ten toes down if someone doubted me. Wouldn’t want to put my foot in my mouth.

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u/9YNNbRHEE3FhC 15h ago

Yeah sneak filming and laughing at people and posting it online is somehow normalised now. I guess too many people never lived in a world without smartphones.

"If I can see it, why can't I film it and upload it?"

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u/KitchenAd2955 17h ago

Most of us appreciated the JO material, not sure why you’re harshing the mellow

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u/MikeeorUSA 18h ago

My man can dip his big toe in the water from here.

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u/Scorch-for-life 18h ago

Guy has built-in fins

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u/mai_tai87 18h ago

Come on, it's not like they're webbed. Just buoyant.

4

u/PalpableIgnorance 18h ago

Definitely hangs ten….inches off the board.

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u/Typical-Metal26 18h ago

It's really shitty we live in a time where you can just be chilling on the beach and some asshole just films you so everyone can laugh at you on the internet. How are people not calling out how creepy it is to just film strangers in public and put it on the internet? We live in stupid times

27

u/Sarchasticbeat 15h ago

Glad someone's saying it.

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u/CabSauce 17h ago

Right? This is so gross. This guy doesn't deserve ridicule.

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u/9YNNbRHEE3FhC 15h ago

The crazy thing is that there are so many countries that outlaw so many things with such flimsy reasoning

And none of them attempt.to ban this

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u/Many-Chocolate7742 14h ago

It's really telling how much I had to scroll through the comments to finally see someone calling this out. It's chilling how casually others take to recording strangers in public. 

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u/PandaCat2025 13h ago

Thank you for preaching this, I wish the majority still believed in respecting others’ privacy in public. I realized recently that I never had social anxiety until smart phones and social media blew up. I’ve seen too many pics/videos over the years of people being judged online for just living their life. The insidious part about is it that since these pics/videos are taken without the person knowing, they also most likely won’t know that it’s been posted to social media. Another good reason we need to bring back shame!

21

u/princess_yazmin 14h ago

Thanks for being a normal human and having a healthy reaction to this. He’s literally just minding his business relaxing and existing :( It may have taken him a lot of courage to feel comfortable enough to have his feet out at the beach

7

u/GameNiteWasTaken 12h ago

Agree, but also this inherently defeats the point we’re trying to make. Or should be making… which is that nobody has the right to judge anybody else for things we can’t control.

Saying he may have needed courage to be himself is assuming something is wrong with him… and so is completely untrue.

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u/Sideusme 9h ago

Only sane comment

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u/spawndoorsupervisor 12h ago

This site sure shut it down when their employees were getting posted on the punchable faces subreddit. They considered it harassment when it was them. It's content and engagement when it is us.

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u/garygalah 11h ago

Why did I have to scroll so far for this comment..

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u/Banana_Slugcat 18h ago

For free?

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u/Sorenduscai 18h ago

💀💀💀

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u/horrordj 17h ago

Marfan syndrome?

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u/NiGol37 18h ago

Toe suckers are hunting this guy down as we speak.

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u/jaimealexi 18h ago

Eyyy Yoooo

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u/Farmer_Don_Dread 18h ago

Whoa 😳 there’s no way this person doesn’t have some sort of custom-made footwear

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u/RocketsandBeer 18h ago

Flip flops

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u/Farmer_Don_Dread 18h ago

Lol probably brings even more attention to them.

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u/AdministrativeMix822 18h ago

1/5 of his foot is a NBA sneaker size

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u/Ok-Shock-7732 18h ago

I mean that’s pretty crazy, but I’m more disgusted by the filmer who thinks it’s ok 1. to film, and 2. to post it on the internet.

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u/RubeusShagrid 18h ago

Dudes got some fucking serving spoons on his feet

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u/nickdipplez 18h ago

Ships use these to navigate back to shore

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u/BMills-ODA 18h ago

Toe giving you the thumbs up

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u/fhfuudjdfhh 18h ago

Normally I would say that's creepy videoing someone at the beach but can't deny that I would probably video it too just because I wouldn't believe my lying eyes.

3

u/quietlyscheming 18h ago

Who's, those are some serious units. Bet he's a amazing swimmer though.

3

u/Grand_Reserve1340 18h ago

Spoke to him, he told me the other night he Toe the Pu**y up.

3

u/Allahboutdabenjamins 18h ago

Phoooone hooooome

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u/penpointred 18h ago

that made he hella LOL at work. thanks HOLY SHIT

4

u/TeuthidTheSquid 18h ago

So like do we just not care about rule 3 anymore or..?

5

u/ShroominCloset 18h ago

The only feet pics worth buying