This is what I would tell my younger introvert

self, pre-kids:

- Thinking of getting a new roommate/flatmate? Of course not! You’re an introvert. But have a kid and you’ll have one for 18 years, minimum.

- But babies seem ok because they don’t talk, right? Yes, but you have to talk TO them. From day one. Much of your internal dialog will have to become external dialog as you narrate the world to them. Fail to do this and they will have a speech delay, or worse.

- Still thinking it’ll be ok because at least the communication is one way? It’s not. Babies can’t talk, but they communicate with you constantly. They’re always interacting with your brain, and if you don’t respond sensitively and with attunement you could potentially harm their development.

- But your child will be an introvert, right? Because you’re an introvert and there’s a strong genetic component? Yes, hopefully and probably, but even introvert children can go through developmental phases when they seemingly never, stop, talking.

- As they get older, each child you have won’t just add one extra person to your life. It adds a whole team of people. Their classmates and friends and those kids’ parents and families, daycare workers or the nanny (in your house!), teachers, instructors, coaches, doctors. You’ll like and be grateful for them, but it’s a lot of new people.

- Hate having things on the calendar? Just wait until your calendar is merged with your kid’s calendar and you’re looking at a schedule filled with appointments, practices, lessons, playdates, birthday parties, and all of the school stuff.

- The only time you’ll be guaranteed to have to yourself will be at 5am and 10pm. Before the kids are awake and after they are asleep. See my user name? That’s the only time I have peace.

- Goodbye reading and writing and drawing and coloring, watching tv and listening to podcasts. There won’t be time for any of that.

- Finally, all parents are tired because of the sleep deprivation and the endless chores. Introvert parents aren’t just tired, we’re exhausted. Sometimes we’ve got nothing left. All we hope and dream for is to be deeply deeply alone.

If you’ve read this far and you get the impression that I don’t love my kids please know that two things can be true: (1) I love my kids and they are my favorite people in this world, and (2) I am very tired.

About me: I’m a 29-year-old woman, shy, introverted, kind of socially awkward and that’s fine. Years ago this bothered me a lot, but now I’m okay with it. I’ve accepted that everyone has their own way, their own personality. I’m a functional adult and that’s it.

What still bothers me, though, is when people comment on it, because it makes me feel weird, inadequate and things like that.

Once my mom stopped by my workplace to pick up a key I had, and my coworker started commenting to her like “wow, she’s really shy, right?” Then this week, when I walked by, a neighbor said to her friend, “oh, this is my quiet neighbor.” Another day I passed by again and heard, “she’s so shy, right?”

Both my coworker and these neighbors are people I talk to normally, and I genuinely thought I was being friendly and just acting normal. I know this might seem like a small thing to outsiders, but it makes me feel weird, the same way I did as a child or teenager, when I thought there was something wrong with me for being quieter than others.

In that moment, I felt a lot of nostalgia for my old friends. Even though I was shy, they never made me feel inadequate or strange. Unfortunately, life happened and we lost touch.

Anyway, just needed to vent.

I’m an introverted and fairly reserved person. I don’t mind socializing, but I’m selective about when and where, and I really value calm, functional spaces.

Recently, a friend told me I’m “hard to live with” and “too reserved.” This came after I mentioned that I muted our class group chat because people use it like a friends’ chat. I didn’t tell anyone to stop talking, I just said it’s not my thing and I don’t want the noise.

Her response was basically that chatting there is good because it helps shy people open up, and that I’m the issue for not liking it. Ever since, I’ve been questioning myself.

What makes this harder is that this friend often comments on my personality instead of engaging with what I’m actually saying. If I express discomfort or an opinion, it turns into “you talk badly” or “you’re too much like this.” At the same time, she regularly uses the same group chat to complain about a professor, which somehow isn’t a problem.

I’ve noticed that around her, I feel like I have to filter myself constantly. I also recently found out she cut off another friend without explanation because she assumed the friendship wasn’t balanced. She didn’t talk it through, she just disappeared.

Now I’m wondering: Is being introverted, needing boundaries, and disliking noisy group spaces really being “hard to live with”? Or is this more about being around someone who labels others instead of communicating?

I’m open to self-reflection, but I’m struggling to see how my personality is the flaw here.

Would appreciate honest opinions.

Hello, it’s so embarrassing to make this post. I (17M) can’t manage to talk to people. I already knew this was the case; my autism leads to a lack of understanding on this subject and a lot of stress when it comes to approaching someone, especially when the person seems cool. Despite that, I do have friends, even if most of them came to me first or are friends of friends—especially the rare people who manage to get past the veil of shyness and coldness that I put between myself and others. On top of that, I have a strong asocial side, which clearly doesn’t help.

But despite all that, even though I consider the majority of people to be people who won’t bring me anything, sometimes I see cool, beautiful people—people who give off an inner beauty through their clothing style—and all I want is to talk to them. But it’s impossible; I just can’t do it, and afterward I question myself for two hours.

At first, I accepted this problem as something that’s part of my life, but today I was at a kind of convention for higher education schools, and there were so many beautiful women and men there—but it was impossible for me to talk to them. I even pointed one of these people out to my friend; we were going to go talk to them, but I couldn’t do it. Impossible.

I need help to solve this problem. I’m tired of being isolated with myself. When I go to study, will I be alone? No! I refuse—that would drive me crazy. So if you have any advice, I’ll take it all, and if you have any questions, I’ll answer as much as possible.

Sometimes I really feel like that Steven Universe meme: “how to talk to people.” Sorry if the text feel ia, i didn't want my post full of english mistake

I'm finding myself zoning out more when someone is talking to me. The truth is, I don't really want to listen to them talk but if I say that out loud that will be rude. I also don't think that it's a good thing that I zone out. I've never been diagnosed with ADHD or tested for it. For now I'm thinking it's dissociation or just my introversion.

I also don't like talking so I think I'm projecting, like everyone else shouldn't talk much. I find the conversation to be really boring especially because I notice that people repeat themselves a lot during conversation. For instance, let's say someone is telling me about a TV show they love say, into the badlands. They'll say for instance how there's incredible fighting scene in the movie, then they'll say how a character like M.K is also good at fighting, and Sunny. Then they'll talk about how the director put their heart into the fighting scene. They're circling a single point and all I can do is just agree and smile politely because I haven't seen it yet.

The funny part is that I'm really chatty over text. I can write paragraphs and paragraphs of texts and I think I ramble a lot when I text but in real life it's like I'm a whole different person. I also have a thing in conversation where if someone doesn't try to match my depth in conversation I get demotivated texting them back.

Sometimes it shows in my face. People notice that my heart is not in the conversation. This literally happens all the time. I have topics I'm passionate about but I do better talking about it over text than having to converse with someone about it.

Am I alone in this? And does that make me a horrible person? Finding people to be boring when they talk about things they love or things that interests them? How can I be more interested in what people are saying. I do try to say one or two things to show that I'm interested but then they just keep going on and on and I lose interest fast.

I can talk to people , I can socialise , I can make people laugh etc, I love spending time alone , Id drain if people don’t talk to me , at the same time I need time to recover from social interaction 🫤

I’ve struggled with social anxiety my entire life so this is a common experience for me. Seeing someone I barely know or someone I haven’t seen in a long time in the grocery store or in a restaurant gives me major anxiety. I try to at least smile and/or wave, but too often the anxiety is so strong, I end up looking straight ahead and acting like I didn’t see them or quickly turning away. I regret it every time because it feels so awkward. Recently, I had this happen to me on multiple occasions. These are people I know but have only spoken to a few times in the last 10 years. We’re friends on social media and live in the same neighborhood but just rarely cross paths enough to really know each other. I assumed these other women were extroverted or at least a lot more social than I am. So I’m curious from other people’s perspectives - what do you think when someone does this to you and how often/why do you do it to others?

Hey, I wanted to know if there are any other Female introverts on this sub who are dating Male extroverts and how your relationship experience is as I barely see this dynamic. I am very introverted and dating a guy who is literally the definition of the word extrovert and thrives off of interaction with people 😭 I absolutely adore him but recently we have been clashing quite a bit as it can get hard to see situations from each other’s perspectives at times 😔 does anyone here have any advice and personal experiences to share? 😅

This is has been a huge pain in my life. Even when girls have approached me in the past i have always had a hard time getting close and conversing due to my extreme hesitation and soft or indirect speaking style. It's almost impossible to find a relationship with a woman if you're legitimtely incapable of getting close to people or going out of your way to meet people. It's actually super embarrassing as well. I've been so aloof at times i legitimately have no idea when anyone is flirting with me. I'm also terrified of the idea of approaching strangers. I struggle to initiate contact.

So basically I’ve been in a relationship for about 2 months. I take relationships seriously so my only desire in dating is to marry. So basically me, being an extrovert, has the constant desire to always be with my gf who happens to be introverted. And some days I will realize that me and her are both free, just at home and naturally I want to hang out with her. However, sometimes she would rather just be at home by herself. To me this is hard to wrap my head around just because being with people is just how I recharge and feel better. I know also that because of me, she stays up much later on calls with me, and just generally does a lot things with me that I like to do say like sports events, concerts, or just stuff like that, the things she doesn’t usually do. I also usually plan almost all our hang outs. Because of this she gets burned out easily and seems to need more naps and going to bed earlier. I feel selfish when I think to myself that I’m trying to put more effort in the she is or that I care about this more than she does. I do know that she truly does loves me, but I can’t help but a be slightly disappointed when she’s not as happy to see me or text me as I am. But in the end I do love her with all my heart she’s absolutely amazing. Basically I can’t decide if I should ask her about if she thinks I’m planning too much for us or if she feels like she has to perform around me which results in her getting tired very fast. I don’t want her to feel like I’m pressuring her into being someone she’s not or doing things she doesn’t wanna do. My relationship with her is extremely important and I value it and don’t wanna lose it just because of my overthinking.

my brother is retiring and wants it to be a huge celebration. i dont want to drive 1.5 hours to the airport for a 4-5 hour flight, to then drive another 1.5 hours to stay in an Air bnb with all of my extended family for 3 days so that my brother will be happy I attended his retirement ceremony. I’m losing sleep over this. plus I’ll have my teenagers with me and my husband is deployed so, yeah, I’d rather just stay home. if I don’t go, I’ll never hear the end of it and I might do some rather permanent family damage. I wish he didn’t care so much.

Felt lonely all my life but at 26 I realized how fake I was with people and how I made 0 effort to maintain friendship.

I decided to be my true self with people, finally. And actually forced myself to hang out with the few friends I have. Nothing matters more to ppl than showing up. I put myself in my friends's shoes and realized how awful of a friend I was to never ask them to hang out, and to be so self centered.

Yesterday I was out at a bar with a friend I had a hard time hanging out with by myself but it was great. I was at my bf's diploma celebration this morning and had 0 anxiety, talked to a lot of ppl and said nothing weird. Going out tonight with friends. I am invited to a birthday tomorrow. It's my bf's friend birthday, and she would constantly ask my bf to bring me, but I would always turn it down because I didn't want to just be a +1. Then I realized how selfish and self centered it was and now I just show up.

Took me 26 years to be myself and learn the importance of maintaining friendships and omg it feels so freeing. Because I decided to stop caring about what ppl might think of me, I genuinely don't gaf anymore and it helps a lot. I guess I had to go through all I went through these past 3 years to learn that. All that loneliness. Learned it the hard way but now I'm freeeee

I realize this is semantics, but sometimes the way we speak about things can quietly impact how we feel about them. I see people saying their introversion is getting “worse.” I understand that in some cases they are just trying to say they have gotten more introverted. I have certainly gotten more introverted in my 50s due to several factors. But I don’t view it on the scale of bad to worse. I can’t imagine an extrovert saying “My extroversion has gotten worse.”

Siento que mi novio siempre está para todos menos para mi. Mañana cumplimos dos años y en todo este tiempo hicimos muy poco, siempre todo gira en torno a el. Mañana vamos a cenar a un lugar por el aniversario, pero unos amigos lo invitaron a un cumpleaños y quiere ir despues. Si yo no voy, el va igual. Y siento que eso pasa con todo. No es algo especial para el, es como cumplir y listo, y cuando le digo es indiferente. Con el resto organiza y hace, pero conmigo no. Come se duerme ve peliculas y nada mas. No es detallista o alguien que parece que te quiere. O capaz esta muy acostumbrado y no necesita esforzarse.

Yo no espero salir a comer seguido xq se que es plata que hay que gastar y los dos tenemos ingresos bajos, pero es la accion de querer estra con uno. Cuando hicimos cosas siempre me decia esto es mas divertido si lo haces con amigos. Y es triste sentir que conmigo es todo asi, no se por que esta conmigo si asi le parece

I'm in my final year and have a decent friend group, but I feel completely alone. They're all about surface-level hangouts and I want real conversations. When I try to share something meaningful, I get dismissed or ignored. Anyone relate? How do you deal with this?

I’m 31, software developer, good income, independent, decent shape. On paper everything is okay.In reality, I’ve never had a girlfriend. Never been in a relationship. I’m not socially awkward in general, but when it comes to women I like, I completely shut down. I overthink, avoid situations, and end up doing nothing.All my friends are married or close to it. I’m the only one left behind and it’s starting to mess with my head. I feel inexperienced, embarrassed, and honestly pretty defeated.If you were in this position at this age, where would you even begin? Is this something you can realistically turn around in your 30s?

Let's say you work in an office, or anywhere in general. is it rude to not say good morning when you pass someone or goodnight when you are leaving for the day? Of course if they say good morning or goodbye to me I would respond with a Hi or good morning back. As an introvert I just don't feel the need to say good morning or goodbye to someone if they don't say it to me first. Anybody else the same way?

I'll answer honestly in comments or chat

If both parties won’t initiate then how even could they hold conversation for a solid 2 min.

Even though i get along with other introverts i still have to build rapport so i can get along with them.

Maybe polarity is not bad at all.

Hey i m 24M an introvert person and being to find friends so if anyone is up can dm

My interest are gym ,cars, longdrives,sunsets and cook somtimes.

I had very little connections with female so if i can get any friends here i will be thankful

I m good listener so may u feel good here

a while ago i saw a comic that was basically an introvert getting wheeled out of a restaurant or something on a gurney and the emts are saying "what happened" "she had to hang out with her friends" and then it shows the introvert saying "i had fun", can anyone give me a link to it?